Autism & Sexuality: Unveiling Intimacy’s Neurodiverse Spectrum

Episode Title: Autism & Sexuality: Unveiling Intimacy's Neurodiverse Spectrum

Episode Number: 10

Release Date: June 2, 2024

Duration: 57:14

Episode Summary:

In this episode of Now You Know One Autistic, Moshe and Leah delve into the often misunderstood topic of sex and sexuality in the context of autism. They discuss the importance of open communication, understanding, and dispelling stereotypes surrounding autistic individuals and their experiences with relationships and intimacy. The hosts use a research-based questionnaire to compare and contrast the views and experiences of autistic and non-autistic individuals regarding romantic relationships, sexual interests, and desires.

Key Takeaways:

• Autistic individuals have diverse sexual interests and desires: The episode challenges the stereotype that autistic people are not interested in sex or intimacy.
• Open communication is crucial: The hosts emphasize the importance of clear communication and understanding in any relationship, especially when one or both partners are neurodivergent.
• Dispelling stereotypes: The episode aims to break down misconceptions about autistic individuals and their experiences with relationships and sexuality.

In This Episode, You Will Learn:

• The differences and similarities between autistic and non-autistic individuals regarding views on romantic relationships, sexual interests, and desires.
• The importance of open communication and understanding in relationships involving autistic individuals.
• How societal stereotypes can negatively impact the experiences of autistic people in the realm of relationships and sexuality.

Quotes:

"The understanding that autistics and neurodivergence are, you know, non-physical, non-sexual, non-romantic, just computer people, is absolutely untrue." - Moshe

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Transcript:

1
00:00:08,480 --> 00:00:10,750
Moshe: Hi, I'm Moshe, and I'm autistic.

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Leah: I'm Leah, and I'm boring.

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Welcome to the now, you know, one autistic

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podcast.

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00:00:16,470 --> 00:00:21,694
Moshe: The opinions expressed in this podcast
reflect one autistic and one layout and don't

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necessarily reflect the entire autistic
community.

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Leah: Let's get to it.

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Hi, Moshe.

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Moshe: Hi, Leah.

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Leah: How are you, Annie?

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Moshe: I'm great, thanks.

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Leah: So today we're going to do a spicy
episode.

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Moshe: Really?

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Leah: Yes.

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Moshe: That'll be fun.

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Leah: So we're doing a spicy episode which
should be listened to by people 18 or older.

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If you're a bit younger, you might get
something out of it, but you have to have

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somebody near you that you can ask questions
to.

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Moshe: And why are we making this episode a
spicy episode?

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Leah: Because we're talking about kind of
graphic sections.

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Moshe: I see.

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Leah: And not the whole time, but there's.

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Moshe: Some in there should be a lot of fun.

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And I mean, in terms of why we're doing an

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episode about sex when we're talking about
neurodivergency and autism and autistic adults

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and such, the reason for that is because when
we're discussing relationships in general,

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especially when it comes to neurodivergence
and neurotypicals and autistics, and on

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autistics, you really can't discuss
relationships sort of up to a certain point,

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and then just kind of leave it there.

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You have to go the next step.

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So we thought that discussing sex and sexual
ideas and feelings would be important.

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Leah: We'd always had a few episodes about
sex, intimacy, and different challenges

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planned.

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But I was doing research, and I found this

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really cool tool that I thought would be fun
for us to do together and for the listeners to

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actually hear, which is I actually found a
questionnaire that was used in a research

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project, and it was used in a research project
to see the difference between the emergence,

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emerging sexuality in older teenagers and
younger adults.

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And the sample happened to be people with ASD
versus people without ASD.

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Moshe: So it sort of compares the way that
people without ASD feel about certain concepts

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versus the way people with ASD feel.

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I don't know if we talked about, if we talked

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about this before we did this, but was this in
the opinion of the people who were giving the

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survey, was this like a good sample of people?

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Leah: It wasn't a huge sampling.

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It was about, I think, 100 to 150 people

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altogether.

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And there were definitely more neurotypical

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people who answered than autistic, but they
had a good sampling of autistics.

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If you talk about percentage wise, and they
did publish in terms of percentages.

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So it's good enough.

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Moshe: It's good enough.

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Leah: So it didn't say like ten out of ten
people.

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It says, this many percentage of autistics
feel this way.

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This many percentage of non autistics feel
this way.

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Moshe: Now, is this a scientific sample?

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Leah: It is, yeah, it is.

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It's a scientific study.

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Moshe: So, and just like the theme of the
podcast, now, you know, one autistic, as

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you'll see as we go through the questions,
certain things are like, right on the money

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when it comes to where I stand and where you
stand and where the average people with ASD

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would stand and where maybe neurotypicals
would stand.

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But some things are really off, because even
with scientific samples, there's always gonna

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be anomalies where certain people feel certain
ways about other things.

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Leah: Well, I thought it would be really fun
for me to ask you and then see how you compare

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to the ASD sample.

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Because for one, it's kind of interesting

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because these people are much younger than
you, so some things won't really apply.

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But you can answer based on how you felt that
time, if I can remember.

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And also, I feel like even amongst the
atypical, you're atypical.

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So let's see how in agreement you are with
these people.

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So let's start with question one.

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It's not a spicy one.

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We'll start flow.

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I rarely or sometimes socialize with people

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other than my family.

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Moshe: What was the option?

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Leah: It's just an agree disagree.

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Moshe: Oh, we disagree.

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Leah: Yeah.

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Moshe: So could you repeat the question?

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Leah: I rarely or sometimes socialize with
people other than my family.

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Moshe: Rarely or sometimes associate with
people socialized.

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Leah: Not associate, but socialize.

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Moshe: Logistically, I would say yes.

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Leah: Right?
That's right.

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On the money.

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45.6% of autistics agreed with that, whereas

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only 8.7% of non autistics agreed with that.

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That now we're moving into this is a

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subcategory called views about romantic
relationships.

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The first one is, I believe that being in a
long term relationship in the future is

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important.

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Moshe: At the time that I was the age of the
people who are taking the survey, I would

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definitely have said yes.

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Leah: And now you would probably also say yes.

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Moshe: I would hope so.

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Leah: Not necessarily so.

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That's pretty much an even spread.

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80.9% of autistics agreed with that, whereas
91.3% of non autistics agreed with that.

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So it was pretty high for both.

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The things that make up a good romantic

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relationship include that my significant other
and I, number one, get along.

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Yes, that is basically agreed upon by
everyone.

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Regularly speak with one another.

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Moshe: Yeah.

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Leah: 67.6% of autistics versus 82.7% of non
autistics.

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Moshe: That's interesting.

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So people with, you know, with autism are

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autistic.

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Leah: Like, 32% of autistic don't think it's
important to speak to their significant other.

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Moshe: It's interesting.

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I don't know how a relationship can be

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sustained without speaking.

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Maybe associating, maybe engaging in common

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interests without talking.

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I don't know.

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Leah: Or maybe the way they view speak is
different.

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Like, when they hear speak, maybe they mean
like a deep conversation, whereas a non

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autistic person might just take it as talking
to them.

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Spending a lot of time together.

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Moshe: Yes.

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Leah: 61.8% of autistics.

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44.3% of non autistic.

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So non autistics want to spend less time with
their person.

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That's also interesting.

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Moshe: It is interesting.

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I think the definition of a relationship might

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be the verbiage that was used.

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The people that want, like, a long term

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relationship would only assume that spending
time with the person would be necessary.

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Whereas non autistics may view a relationship
as something where they don't necessarily have

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to spend all of their time their.

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Leah: Partner, but it seems to be the other
way.

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Neither seems that it's that important to
them.

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But autistics actually agreed 20% more with
the fact that it's important to spend a lot of

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time together.

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Moshe: Interesting.

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Leah: Feeling emotionally close with each
other.

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Moshe: Yes.

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Leah: 67.6% of autistics.

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76.9% of non autistics.

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Moshe: Right.

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Leah: Kiss, hug, holding hands, etcetera.

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Moshe: Yes.

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Leah: That's interesting.

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Only 35.3% of autistics felt that way, whereas

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54.8% of non autistics felt that way.

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Moshe: It's still rather strange that, you
know, only 54% of non autistics felt that,

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like, kissing and hugging was necessary in.

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Leah: A long term relationship, engaging in
sexual behaviors together.

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Moshe: That question kind of confuses me a
little bit.

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Leah: We talked about that earlier, right.

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When you're in a romantic relationship, most

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people assume that it's going there.

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Moshe: So sexual behaviors.

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I mean, I would.

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I would have said yes, and I still say yes.

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Leah: Now, is it the term behavior that's
unclear?

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Moshe: Yes, because for me, there's a
distinction between sexual acts and sexual

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behaviors.

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And I think it's very subjective and it's a

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bit of an unclear question.

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Leah: Please enlighten me.

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Because to me, sexual behaviors and sexual

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acts are probably the same thing, but their
definition is like, I don't know, anything

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below the collarbone, or if you're underneath
clothes.

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I don't know.

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Moshe: So sexual behaviors, to me, sound very
much like acting in a way that would

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potentially lead to sex or sexual acts.

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Like flirting would be a sexual behavior.

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Leah: Interesting.

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Moshe: Touching the person, like, even in a
non sexual way, like on the shoulder or on the

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arm, depending on the context, could be seen
as a sexual behavior.

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Looking at someone intensely could be a sexual
behavior.

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To me, it's very much like the prelude to
engaging in a sexual act.

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Leah: Interesting. Wow. Trusting each other.

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Moshe: Absolutely.

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Leah: So 83.8% of autistics, 95.2% of non
autistics.

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That's not surprising.

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Trust is important in a relationship.

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Moshe: Trust is the foundation, as I keep
saying, trust.

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That this is the foundation of every
relationship.

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Leah: Are affectionate toward each other.

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Moshe: Again, that's a very subjective term to
me.

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Leah: What is hugging, kissing, holding hands?

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Moshe: Hugging, kissing, holding hands.

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I mean, obviously, yes, for me, then and now,

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because in my mind, a relationship that is
more than just friends, which is what the

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survey is about, would almost necessitate
affection for each other.

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Leah: It's 80% approximately for everyone.

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Moshe: Right.

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That's what you assessed?

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Leah: Yeah, of course.

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Somebody that.

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What do you say?
Like, when you're in elementary school, ooh,

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little Johnny and little Debbie were holding
hands.

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Like, that's, you know.

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Moshe: Right, right.

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Leah: Speak about our feelings and emotions to
each other.

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Moshe: That is a bit complex, but I would have
still said yes.

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But it's definitely much more.

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It's much more.

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We'll call it, like, 102 rather than 101.

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Relationship expectations.

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Leah: Fully 20% less autistic people thought
that was important than non autistic.

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Moshe: And I can see that, like, you know, how
hard it was for me to get to a point that was,

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you know, commonplace or regular or un, you
know, unprovoked on, un inquired about, for me

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to just spontaneously, that's what I'm looking
for, spontaneously share my feelings.

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Leah: We were friends forever.

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Moshe: We were.

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Leah: Had issues with it.

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00:11:04,110 --> 00:11:09,090
Moshe: I still had difficulty sharing my
feelings, even to the present, like, certain

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times.

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00:11:10,138 --> 00:11:11,882
It's not that I have a difficulty, it's that I

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don't always remember that I can or even
identify what those.

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00:11:15,762 --> 00:11:19,374
Leah: Feelings are, what the feeling is going
on dates together.

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00:11:20,514 --> 00:11:26,458
Moshe: So this one's a little bit interesting
for me, because then I would have said yes.

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00:11:26,586 --> 00:11:28,234
Now I would say no.

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Leah: Right. But, I mean, we're in a committed
relationship.

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You can't date me every single day.

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00:11:32,242 --> 00:11:37,726
Moshe: A date indicates that you're not in a
committed relationship necessarily, because

223
00:11:37,830 --> 00:11:42,070
when you're trying to enter into a long term
relationship, at least in my mind.

224
00:11:42,222 --> 00:11:45,230
Dating is kind of like an interview.

225
00:11:45,342 --> 00:11:46,526
It's kind of like an interview.

226
00:11:46,590 --> 00:11:51,414
It's kind of like taking your relationship on
the road almost, and seeing how it's like test

227
00:11:51,454 --> 00:11:52,142
driving a car.

228
00:11:52,198 --> 00:11:54,398
You don't know that you like the car if you

229
00:11:54,406 --> 00:11:58,238
don't, like, take it on a test drive or just
to see how it operates under certain

230
00:11:58,286 --> 00:11:59,194
circumstances.

231
00:11:59,504 --> 00:12:01,800
But when you own the car, you don't

232
00:12:01,832 --> 00:12:06,480
necessarily always have to, like, take it for
a joyride around the block to know that you

233
00:12:06,512 --> 00:12:07,288
like that car.

234
00:12:07,376 --> 00:12:11,120
Leah: Exactly. Well, I mean, we've had date
nights when we haven't been this busy.

235
00:12:11,152 --> 00:12:12,816
We're too busy now even to do that.

236
00:12:12,920 --> 00:12:15,352
Yes, but you can't date somebody every day

237
00:12:15,368 --> 00:12:16,840
that you're married to.

238
00:12:17,032 --> 00:12:18,080
Moshe: Every day is a date.

239
00:12:18,152 --> 00:12:19,680
Especially if you're, if you're at the stage

240
00:12:19,712 --> 00:12:20,736
where you're living together.

241
00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:24,480
Or of course, if you're married, you're like,

242
00:12:24,552 --> 00:12:25,248
what is.

243
00:12:25,336 --> 00:12:26,696
What even is a date anymore?

244
00:12:26,760 --> 00:12:27,912
When I. When I wake up, I mean, you.

245
00:12:27,928 --> 00:12:30,136
Leah: Make me coffee, and we sit and we have
coffee.

246
00:12:30,200 --> 00:12:31,176
Moshe: We have coffee in the morning.

247
00:12:31,240 --> 00:12:31,816
That's a date.

248
00:12:31,880 --> 00:12:33,864
When we, you know, when.

249
00:12:33,904 --> 00:12:35,760
When I get the kids ready for school, back

250
00:12:35,792 --> 00:12:38,896
when you were, like, participating in that,
that was like a date.

251
00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:42,256
Like, get the kids ready for school, and then
we would sit and have breakfast together.

252
00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:43,224
That was a date.

253
00:12:43,344 --> 00:12:46,456
When we go grocery shopping, that's a date.

254
00:12:46,560 --> 00:12:50,016
Certain, like, there are dates where you're
going grocery shopping.

255
00:12:50,080 --> 00:12:53,996
I mean, you can say that they're boring, a
little bit more mature, but.

256
00:12:54,020 --> 00:12:56,364
Leah: Like, I always turn it into fun.

257
00:12:56,404 --> 00:12:58,028
We usually go and get, again, a coffee.

258
00:12:58,076 --> 00:13:00,252
You'll notice that Moshe and I are big coffee
people.

259
00:13:00,428 --> 00:13:01,108
We sit down.

260
00:13:01,156 --> 00:13:02,624
Moshe: The jewish beverage of choice.

261
00:13:03,564 --> 00:13:04,988
But yes, everything is a date.

262
00:13:05,036 --> 00:13:07,224
Every moment that we spend together is a date.

263
00:13:07,524 --> 00:13:09,788
Recording this episode is a date.

264
00:13:09,836 --> 00:13:11,220
Leah: Yes, we're currently holding hands.

265
00:13:11,252 --> 00:13:12,596
For those of you who are interested.

266
00:13:12,620 --> 00:13:14,356
Moshe: In knowing, yes, this is a date.

267
00:13:14,500 --> 00:13:16,196
Every time that we spend together is a date.

268
00:13:16,220 --> 00:13:17,020
So we don't have to go.

269
00:13:17,052 --> 00:13:17,692
Okay.

270
00:13:17,828 --> 00:13:18,980
We need to go on a date.

271
00:13:19,052 --> 00:13:20,124
Leah: Okay. We're getting off track.

272
00:13:20,164 --> 00:13:21,308
This is like the dishes.

273
00:13:21,436 --> 00:13:23,428
When we talked about dishes for 45 minutes.

274
00:13:23,516 --> 00:13:27,772
Moshe: Yes. If you're lucky, we might release
that to the general public.

275
00:13:27,908 --> 00:13:28,780
Leah: It's pretty funny.

276
00:13:28,852 --> 00:13:30,476
We talked about how we couldn't get our

277
00:13:30,500 --> 00:13:32,476
daughter to do the dishes for about 45
minutes.

278
00:13:32,500 --> 00:13:34,824
Moshe: We just discussed dishes for, like, 45
minutes.

279
00:13:35,364 --> 00:13:39,284
Leah: Anyway, so going on dates together, it
was a pretty even spread with it not being

280
00:13:39,324 --> 00:13:41,532
that, like, important to people, actually.

281
00:13:41,708 --> 00:13:45,924
So 58% of autistic, 64% of non autistic having

282
00:13:45,964 --> 00:13:47,544
the exact same interests.

283
00:13:48,114 --> 00:13:53,114
Moshe: I would say no then and now.

284
00:13:53,274 --> 00:13:54,694
Leah: You are not typical.

285
00:13:55,034 --> 00:13:56,890
Far more autistics thought that that was

286
00:13:56,922 --> 00:13:58,274
important than non autistics.

287
00:13:58,394 --> 00:13:59,546
So it was.

288
00:13:59,690 --> 00:14:04,514
64.7% of autistics said that you have to have
the exact same interest as your partner,

289
00:14:04,634 --> 00:14:07,266
whereas only 37% of non autistic said that.

290
00:14:07,290 --> 00:14:09,330
And that's not surprising, knowing the

291
00:14:09,362 --> 00:14:10,202
stereotype.

292
00:14:10,298 --> 00:14:11,454
Moshe: Right, right.

293
00:14:13,134 --> 00:14:15,734
Was a very self aware autistic.

294
00:14:15,894 --> 00:14:19,038
Leah: And I think you also just didn't like
your interests that much.

295
00:14:19,126 --> 00:14:22,198
Moshe: My interests were interesting, for lack
of a better word.

296
00:14:22,326 --> 00:14:29,574
But you see, the point is I always like being
introduced to other things that I wouldn't

297
00:14:29,614 --> 00:14:32,646
normally have done when I spent time with you.

298
00:14:32,670 --> 00:14:34,782
When we were children, I would do things that

299
00:14:34,838 --> 00:14:37,070
I wouldn't like normally do on my own.

300
00:14:37,222 --> 00:14:39,826
But they were fun, firstly because they were

301
00:14:39,850 --> 00:14:45,114
with you, and secondly because I wouldn't have
thought about doing them otherwise.

302
00:14:45,154 --> 00:14:47,082
And I discovered that I actually kind of liked
them.

303
00:14:47,138 --> 00:14:47,442
Leah: Yeah.

304
00:14:47,498 --> 00:14:51,066
Moshe: Because if left to my own devices, I
just kind of did my own thing.

305
00:14:51,090 --> 00:14:54,650
That was like a hamster running in a wheel and
I need to sort of get out there.

306
00:14:54,682 --> 00:14:55,914
Leah: And you're also pigeonholed.

307
00:14:55,954 --> 00:14:57,610
Everybody was like, how do we keep him busy?

308
00:14:57,642 --> 00:14:58,162
He's a boy.

309
00:14:58,218 --> 00:14:58,826
Video games.

310
00:14:58,890 --> 00:15:00,658
And that lasted until an adult.

311
00:15:00,706 --> 00:15:02,378
And I don't even think you liked it that much,

312
00:15:02,426 --> 00:15:03,154
truthfully.

313
00:15:03,274 --> 00:15:03,650
Moshe: It was.

314
00:15:03,682 --> 00:15:04,770
It was an expectation.

315
00:15:04,842 --> 00:15:05,978
Oh, you know, he's a boy.

316
00:15:06,026 --> 00:15:07,202
He plays video games.

317
00:15:07,338 --> 00:15:08,658
Oh, he seems pretty smart.

318
00:15:08,706 --> 00:15:11,346
We should teach him about computers and stuff.

319
00:15:11,530 --> 00:15:15,258
And I was like, all right, I guess I'll do the
stereotype for a while.

320
00:15:15,346 --> 00:15:17,402
Leah: Yeah, but that's what I mean by your
interest.

321
00:15:17,458 --> 00:15:18,938
Didn't really interest you that much.

322
00:15:19,066 --> 00:15:20,410
Some did like politics.

323
00:15:20,482 --> 00:15:23,386
Back in Canada, you were into politics, and
that was really interesting for you.

324
00:15:23,410 --> 00:15:28,058
And you actually involved me in that, but it
wasn't like a deal breaker that didn't come to

325
00:15:28,146 --> 00:15:29,218
relationship with them.

326
00:15:29,306 --> 00:15:29,934
Moshe: Right.

327
00:15:30,834 --> 00:15:33,734
Leah: Do nice things for each other so that
it's fair.

328
00:15:34,524 --> 00:15:38,772
Moshe: When we discussed this questionnaire
before, I really didn't like the end of that

329
00:15:38,908 --> 00:15:39,584
statement.

330
00:15:39,884 --> 00:15:41,388
Do nice things for each other.

331
00:15:41,476 --> 00:15:42,164
Absolutely.

332
00:15:42,204 --> 00:15:43,384
So that it's fair.

333
00:15:43,764 --> 00:15:46,564
Leah: Like, relationships are never fair.

334
00:15:46,724 --> 00:15:49,012
As you've mentioned, you almost exclusively

335
00:15:49,068 --> 00:15:50,148
prepare the kids for school.

336
00:15:50,196 --> 00:15:50,428
Now.

337
00:15:50,476 --> 00:15:53,084
Why?
Because he's an early riser and I hate getting

338
00:15:53,124 --> 00:15:54,276
up early in the morning.

339
00:15:54,460 --> 00:15:56,500
That's not fair per se.

340
00:15:56,692 --> 00:16:04,600
Moshe: But at work, the relationship dynamic
stereotypically talks a lot about fairness.

341
00:16:04,672 --> 00:16:05,520
Oh, you know the couple.

342
00:16:05,552 --> 00:16:07,044
You have to be fair to each other.

343
00:16:07,544 --> 00:16:15,616
Yes, but also no, because the best kinds of
relationships are where there are offsetting

344
00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:18,044
each other's interests.

345
00:16:18,904 --> 00:16:21,216
It's sort of like to use an example.

346
00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:24,424
You don't mind washing the dishes?
I don't mind drawing the dishes.

347
00:16:24,544 --> 00:16:27,486
You don't mind, you know, getting the kids
from school?

348
00:16:27,550 --> 00:16:29,142
I don't mind getting the kids to school.

349
00:16:29,198 --> 00:16:29,734
Leah: Exactly.

350
00:16:29,814 --> 00:16:34,914
Moshe: So we're both, you know, doing things
that are within our wheelhouse.

351
00:16:35,294 --> 00:16:35,814
Is it.

352
00:16:35,854 --> 00:16:39,014
Is it fair that I always have to get the kids

353
00:16:39,054 --> 00:16:40,926
ready for school?
No, not fair.

354
00:16:40,990 --> 00:16:43,270
Leah: I almost exclusively get him from the
bus.

355
00:16:43,342 --> 00:16:44,230
Moshe: But I don't mind.

356
00:16:44,302 --> 00:16:45,142
Leah: Exactly.

357
00:16:45,318 --> 00:16:52,466
Moshe: See, something being not fair doesn't
necessarily mean it's bad, because certain

358
00:16:52,530 --> 00:16:57,374
things are more reasonable for others.

359
00:16:57,754 --> 00:17:00,210
You're a better cook than I am, but I can

360
00:17:00,242 --> 00:17:00,730
still cook.

361
00:17:00,802 --> 00:17:01,814
Leah: You're a good cook.

362
00:17:02,434 --> 00:17:04,786
You don't have a great big repertoire, but

363
00:17:04,810 --> 00:17:05,250
you're good.

364
00:17:05,322 --> 00:17:07,066
Moshe: But I would say that you're a better
cook.

365
00:17:07,250 --> 00:17:12,754
So expecting you to do all the cooking would
be unfair.

366
00:17:12,914 --> 00:17:14,074
Leah: But it's natural.

367
00:17:14,114 --> 00:17:15,666
It's a thing that happens most of the time

368
00:17:15,690 --> 00:17:19,502
when I'm available, because people like
variety in it that you do.

369
00:17:19,518 --> 00:17:21,654
Moshe: But if you're like, you know what?
I don't feel like cooking today.

370
00:17:21,734 --> 00:17:24,194
Tomorrow you're going to cook, I'd be like,
sure, I'll cook.

371
00:17:24,654 --> 00:17:29,126
Hopefully you like very simple things because
that's basically all I can do.

372
00:17:29,270 --> 00:17:33,014
But I do it well and I don't mind doing it and
I certainly don't complain about it.

373
00:17:33,174 --> 00:17:35,614
Leah: Looks after me and provides for me.

374
00:17:35,694 --> 00:17:38,030
Oh, by the way, that one people found it more

375
00:17:38,062 --> 00:17:39,070
important than you would think.

376
00:17:39,102 --> 00:17:42,134
It was about a 70% spread between all

377
00:17:42,174 --> 00:17:43,594
functionality types.

378
00:17:44,154 --> 00:17:46,214
Looks after me and provides for me.

379
00:17:46,514 --> 00:17:48,154
Moshe: I would say, yes, absolutely.

380
00:17:48,234 --> 00:17:49,706
Leah: 73% of autistics.

381
00:17:49,770 --> 00:17:54,002
83% of non autistics I look after and provide

382
00:17:54,098 --> 00:17:55,730
for my significant other.

383
00:17:55,922 --> 00:17:58,706
Yes, it's almost the exact same spread.

384
00:17:58,850 --> 00:18:00,534
So at least they were fair there.

385
00:18:00,954 --> 00:18:04,010
Have open and honest conversations with each

386
00:18:04,042 --> 00:18:04,614
other.

387
00:18:05,514 --> 00:18:13,422
Moshe: See, for me, I would say, yeah, but I
would struggle to know what an open and honest

388
00:18:13,478 --> 00:18:14,774
conversation would look.

389
00:18:14,814 --> 00:18:20,674
Leah: Like back then, now or always back then,
for sure.

390
00:18:21,214 --> 00:18:24,982
Moshe: Until, I don't know, the last year or
so.

391
00:18:25,158 --> 00:18:26,246
Even still.

392
00:18:26,390 --> 00:18:29,702
Leah: Yeah. Because honest just means you're
telling things that are true, not what you

393
00:18:29,718 --> 00:18:31,754
think the other person wants to hear or
whatever.

394
00:18:32,054 --> 00:18:32,822
Moshe: Exactly.

395
00:18:32,878 --> 00:18:34,070
And that's the point.

396
00:18:34,262 --> 00:18:39,574
Open and honest conversations could sometimes
be disagreements.

397
00:18:40,034 --> 00:18:46,234
I am actually very unhappy with the way you do
this, or it makes me uncomfortable when you

398
00:18:46,314 --> 00:18:47,218
act in this way.

399
00:18:47,306 --> 00:18:48,858
That's an open and honest conversation.

400
00:18:48,906 --> 00:18:50,922
It's not necessarily a very pleasant one.

401
00:18:50,978 --> 00:18:51,466
Leah: Exactly.

402
00:18:51,530 --> 00:18:53,346
Moshe: But it's definitely an open and honest
one.

403
00:18:53,410 --> 00:18:54,986
Leah: Exactly. All right.

404
00:18:55,010 --> 00:18:57,050
So we're now moving on to sexual interests and

405
00:18:57,082 --> 00:18:57,978
desires.

406
00:18:58,146 --> 00:19:01,050
This part, I believe, was not shocking for us.

407
00:19:01,082 --> 00:19:06,670
We understood, but might be shocking to the
general public in terms of how interested

408
00:19:06,702 --> 00:19:10,102
autistic people actually are in sex and sexual
relationships.

409
00:19:10,198 --> 00:19:11,134
Moshe: Yes. Because you.

410
00:19:11,174 --> 00:19:14,006
You look at these stereotypes.

411
00:19:14,030 --> 00:19:15,070
You look at these stereotypes.

412
00:19:15,102 --> 00:19:16,638
If you're, like watching the good doctor,

413
00:19:16,686 --> 00:19:18,190
you're watching Sheldon Cooper.

414
00:19:18,262 --> 00:19:21,038
Leah: Actually, the good doctor was very
sexual.

415
00:19:21,086 --> 00:19:23,766
Moshe: With his girlfriend, but not initially.

416
00:19:23,910 --> 00:19:25,950
Initially, there was a lot of difficulty

417
00:19:25,982 --> 00:19:26,270
there.

418
00:19:26,342 --> 00:19:27,086
Leah: True enough.

419
00:19:27,230 --> 00:19:29,358
And of course, there was more planning thing,

420
00:19:29,526 --> 00:19:31,634
honestly, was kind of your problem, too.

421
00:19:31,964 --> 00:19:37,132
Moshe: And the proximity and the bodily
contact and presence of various textures.

422
00:19:37,228 --> 00:19:38,308
It's a whole thing.

423
00:19:38,476 --> 00:19:41,604
So stereotypically, when you think about

424
00:19:41,684 --> 00:19:45,024
neurodivergence or people with autism or
autistics.

425
00:19:45,644 --> 00:19:50,116
We're going to do a show, by the way, on the
difference between autistics and people with

426
00:19:50,140 --> 00:19:51,836
autism and what's good.

427
00:19:51,860 --> 00:19:54,204
Leah: And bad, the politically correctness of
that.

428
00:19:54,244 --> 00:19:56,984
Moshe: Yeah, but we're going to use those
terms interchangeably.

429
00:19:57,444 --> 00:20:01,010
If one of them is offensive, I'm sorry, feel
free to comment.

430
00:20:01,162 --> 00:20:08,874
But the stereotype for sure is that autistics
are not that interested in sex.

431
00:20:08,954 --> 00:20:11,146
Leah: Yeah, it's a stereotype, but it's not
true.

432
00:20:11,250 --> 00:20:11,818
Moshe: Not at all.

433
00:20:11,866 --> 00:20:15,706
Leah: Not in our experience, not in a lot of
people's experience, and not according to the

434
00:20:15,730 --> 00:20:16,410
study either.

435
00:20:16,482 --> 00:20:18,514
So let's go through this part for sure.

436
00:20:18,634 --> 00:20:21,494
I would like to have a significant other in
the near future.

437
00:20:22,114 --> 00:20:24,742
Moshe: Back then, I would definitely have said
yes.

438
00:20:24,938 --> 00:20:28,510
Leah: So that's 77.9% and 88.5%.

439
00:20:28,702 --> 00:20:30,634
So, hi.

440
00:20:31,054 --> 00:20:34,834
I am or have been sexually attracted towards
someone.

441
00:20:35,334 --> 00:20:36,190
Moshe: Yeah.

442
00:20:36,382 --> 00:20:42,438
Leah: So it's interesting because 96.2% of non
autistic people said yes, which is what you

443
00:20:42,446 --> 00:20:43,194
would expect.

444
00:20:43,774 --> 00:20:45,982
And it's far fewer, but it's more than people

445
00:20:46,038 --> 00:20:46,350
think.

446
00:20:46,422 --> 00:20:49,598
67.6% of autistics, and keep in mind, young

447
00:20:49,646 --> 00:20:50,276
autistics, say.

448
00:20:50,310 --> 00:20:53,328
Said that they are or had been sexually

449
00:20:53,376 --> 00:20:54,696
attracted to somebody.

450
00:20:54,880 --> 00:21:00,864
Moshe: So it's not a huge number, but it's
definitely, I would say the vast majority,

451
00:21:01,024 --> 00:21:06,952
almost seven out of ten autistics who answered
that said that they had.

452
00:21:07,128 --> 00:21:16,018
So sexual desire is not something that is
absent when you're neurodivergent.

453
00:21:16,176 --> 00:21:17,510
It may be misplaced.

454
00:21:17,622 --> 00:21:18,934
It may be confusing.

455
00:21:19,054 --> 00:21:24,766
I know for me especially, I had a lot of
trouble understanding that I felt it, but I

456
00:21:24,790 --> 00:21:26,878
also knew that I felt it.

457
00:21:27,046 --> 00:21:29,194
I just didn't always know what it felt like.

458
00:21:29,534 --> 00:21:31,234
So it was a bit interesting.

459
00:21:31,574 --> 00:21:33,674
Leah: I would like to have sex with others.

460
00:21:34,454 --> 00:21:37,354
Moshe: At the time, I definitely would have
said yes.

461
00:21:37,694 --> 00:21:40,950
Now I would certainly say yes.

462
00:21:41,142 --> 00:21:41,896
Right.

463
00:21:42,070 --> 00:21:46,412
Leah: So again, it's basically the same
spread, but more than you might think.

464
00:21:46,468 --> 00:21:49,236
94.2% of non autistics.

465
00:21:49,380 --> 00:21:50,540
Not surprising.

466
00:21:50,732 --> 00:21:53,784
67.6% of autistics felt that way.

467
00:21:54,644 --> 00:21:56,916
I want to be in a sexual relationship with

468
00:21:56,940 --> 00:21:57,864
another person.

469
00:21:58,644 --> 00:22:01,100
Moshe: So what's a sexual relationship?

470
00:22:01,252 --> 00:22:03,784
Leah: I think it's a relationship that
includes sex.

471
00:22:04,204 --> 00:22:09,306
So having sex with another person could be a
friend you're having sex with or somebody you

472
00:22:09,330 --> 00:22:10,694
have sex with one time.

473
00:22:11,194 --> 00:22:13,234
When they're referring to sexual relationship,

474
00:22:13,274 --> 00:22:16,730
I think they mean like a regular boyfriend
girlfriend relationship or girlfriend

475
00:22:16,762 --> 00:22:19,314
girlfriend boyfriend boyfriend relationship
where you have sex.

476
00:22:19,474 --> 00:22:24,050
Moshe: See, if I heard that question posed to
me, I would instantly think that it meant a

477
00:22:24,082 --> 00:22:27,094
relationship that was entirely based on sex
and nothing.

478
00:22:27,394 --> 00:22:29,778
So I would have said at the time, no.

479
00:22:29,946 --> 00:22:30,722
Leah: Correct.

480
00:22:30,898 --> 00:22:37,486
Moshe: But now, knowing that your explanation
is most likely what they meant, I would have

481
00:22:37,510 --> 00:22:38,294
said yes.

482
00:22:38,454 --> 00:22:42,974
Leah: And the vagueness of the question shows
in the answer, because 85% of non autistic

483
00:22:43,014 --> 00:22:47,118
said yes, and 60% of autistics said yes.

484
00:22:47,286 --> 00:22:47,734
Moshe: Right.

485
00:22:47,814 --> 00:22:50,334
Leah: I think that I will be in a sexual
relationship in the future.

486
00:22:50,374 --> 00:22:54,254
And just so you know, Moshe doesn't see these
answers, by the way he's answering honestly.

487
00:22:54,414 --> 00:22:56,622
I'm the one who has the numbers in front of
me.

488
00:22:56,638 --> 00:22:57,674
He doesn't see them.

489
00:22:58,694 --> 00:22:59,878
Moshe: Could you repeat the question?

490
00:22:59,966 --> 00:23:02,994
Leah: I think that I will be in a sexual
relationship in the future.

491
00:23:03,304 --> 00:23:05,244
Kind of not applicable to you, but.

492
00:23:05,984 --> 00:23:07,608
Moshe: It'S not applicable now.

493
00:23:07,776 --> 00:23:09,800
You know, several children later.

494
00:23:09,992 --> 00:23:20,176
But at the time, I. At the time, I would have
said yes, tentatively, hopefully, but probably

495
00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:21,924
doubting that it would happen.

496
00:23:22,264 --> 00:23:23,312
Leah: You're not the norm.

497
00:23:23,368 --> 00:23:25,648
88% of autistics said they think they will be

498
00:23:25,656 --> 00:23:27,720
in a sexual relationship in the future.

499
00:23:27,912 --> 00:23:29,552
Where's 97% of them?

500
00:23:29,608 --> 00:23:33,808
Non autistics?
My level of interest in sex and sexual topics

501
00:23:33,856 --> 00:23:36,964
is about the same or more than other people my
age.

502
00:23:37,304 --> 00:23:39,760
No, you're absolutely correct.

503
00:23:39,872 --> 00:23:41,656
91% of non autistic.

504
00:23:41,720 --> 00:23:44,960
60% of autistics are still high, though.

505
00:23:45,152 --> 00:23:47,040
Like six out of ten, it's still high.

506
00:23:47,192 --> 00:23:48,216
Moshe: That is pretty good.

507
00:23:48,320 --> 00:23:54,928
Leah: Almost every neurotypical person said, I
never or rarely think about sex and sexual

508
00:23:54,976 --> 00:23:55,884
behaviors.

509
00:23:56,264 --> 00:23:57,004
Moshe: No.

510
00:23:57,384 --> 00:24:00,656
Leah: Almost no non autistics answered that
one.

511
00:24:00,680 --> 00:24:02,200
It's less than 10%.

512
00:24:02,392 --> 00:24:04,224
And autistics were slightly higher with almost

513
00:24:04,264 --> 00:24:05,164
30%.

514
00:24:05,824 --> 00:24:08,376
Now this is a. During the last month thing,

515
00:24:08,560 --> 00:24:13,768
during the last month, I have visited a
website devoted to sexual education at least

516
00:24:13,816 --> 00:24:14,764
once a week.

517
00:24:16,264 --> 00:24:18,696
Moshe: At the time I would have said yes.

518
00:24:18,800 --> 00:24:22,640
Leah: I'm probably more likely to say yes to
that now because of all the research I'm

519
00:24:22,672 --> 00:24:23,244
doing.

520
00:24:23,774 --> 00:24:27,274
Moshe: But now, I would obviously say, no,
it's very low.

521
00:24:28,094 --> 00:24:29,142
Leah: Literally zero.

522
00:24:29,238 --> 00:24:30,486
Non autistic said so.

523
00:24:30,550 --> 00:24:33,394
And 6% of autistics said so.

524
00:24:33,694 --> 00:24:36,126
I chatted with someone on a dating website at

525
00:24:36,150 --> 00:24:37,314
least once a week.

526
00:24:38,334 --> 00:24:40,526
No, it's also very low.

527
00:24:40,590 --> 00:24:43,674
7.4 for autistics, 3.8 for non.

528
00:24:43,974 --> 00:24:47,142
I watch pornographic or explicitly sexual

529
00:24:47,238 --> 00:24:50,784
photos or videos at least once a week at the
time.

530
00:24:50,864 --> 00:24:51,524
Moshe: Yes.

531
00:24:51,984 --> 00:24:55,992
Leah: Those who would admit it, it was
actually approximately the same.

532
00:24:56,048 --> 00:24:57,104
30 and 31.

533
00:24:57,184 --> 00:24:57,804
Moshe: Right.

534
00:24:58,104 --> 00:25:02,088
Leah: I think that less non autistic people
admitted it.

535
00:25:02,216 --> 00:25:03,712
I think it's probably higher.

536
00:25:03,888 --> 00:25:05,840
I feel like the autistics are probably more

537
00:25:05,872 --> 00:25:06,720
honest about that.

538
00:25:06,792 --> 00:25:08,084
Moshe: I would think so, yes.

539
00:25:08,384 --> 00:25:13,484
Leah: I masturbated while watching
pornographic material at least once a week.

540
00:25:14,744 --> 00:25:15,524
Moshe: Yes.

541
00:25:16,074 --> 00:25:17,402
Leah: I mean, you should be specific.

542
00:25:17,458 --> 00:25:17,738
Yes.

543
00:25:17,786 --> 00:25:18,666
Then not now.

544
00:25:18,730 --> 00:25:19,122
Right?

545
00:25:19,218 --> 00:25:19,770
Correct.

546
00:25:19,882 --> 00:25:21,734
I don't want people writing to me.

547
00:25:23,034 --> 00:25:27,418
Moshe: No. Now I don't have any need for it.

548
00:25:27,586 --> 00:25:30,210
Leah: That's also a pretty even spread, about
30%.

549
00:25:30,402 --> 00:25:33,618
And again, I suspect less non autistics
admitted it.

550
00:25:33,706 --> 00:25:34,414
Moshe: Yes.

551
00:25:35,234 --> 00:25:37,574
Leah: Sexual strategies and motivations.

552
00:25:38,034 --> 00:25:41,130
If I wanted to have casual sex, having sex

553
00:25:41,162 --> 00:25:45,426
with someone without being in a couple or
engaged in a long term romantic relationship,

554
00:25:45,490 --> 00:25:46,294
I would.

555
00:25:46,594 --> 00:25:48,494
And the first one is kiss them.

556
00:25:48,994 --> 00:25:52,614
Moshe: So casual sex, no actual connection.

557
00:25:54,074 --> 00:25:55,414
Leah: I would kiss them.

558
00:25:55,914 --> 00:25:57,330
Moshe: I would have said yes.

559
00:25:57,522 --> 00:26:01,162
Leah: That's 30, 30, 30, 35. It's not high.

560
00:26:01,338 --> 00:26:02,454
Talk to them.

561
00:26:03,114 --> 00:26:08,054
Moshe: I mean, unless you're only up with deaf
people.

562
00:26:08,734 --> 00:26:09,966
Leah: Yeah. This is a weird.

563
00:26:10,030 --> 00:26:10,670
I don't know how.

564
00:26:10,702 --> 00:26:12,470
Moshe: You don't know how you can possibly.

565
00:26:12,542 --> 00:26:13,974
Leah: Get to the sex part with sign.

566
00:26:14,014 --> 00:26:20,518
Moshe: Language, smoke signals, maybe write
them a note, you know, play a. Play a boombox

567
00:26:20,566 --> 00:26:21,798
outside their bedroom window.

568
00:26:21,846 --> 00:26:23,154
I don't know, like something.

569
00:26:23,614 --> 00:26:25,438
How do you do it without talking?
That is.

570
00:26:25,486 --> 00:26:26,414
That is something that I.

571
00:26:26,454 --> 00:26:30,870
Leah: So this actually interested me because
more autistics said that it's important to

572
00:26:30,902 --> 00:26:33,302
talk to their hookups than non autistics.

573
00:26:33,398 --> 00:26:37,032
Moshe: That completely tracks with what I see.

574
00:26:37,128 --> 00:26:40,144
I found it interesting because the stereotype.

575
00:26:40,264 --> 00:26:43,144
Leah: Would be fully 10% more, actually.

576
00:26:43,264 --> 00:26:43,520
Yes.

577
00:26:43,552 --> 00:26:46,872
Because 63 versus 73, because the expectation.

578
00:26:47,048 --> 00:26:50,104
Moshe: With a non autistic would be, this is a
hookup.

579
00:26:50,144 --> 00:26:52,080
We don't really need to make that connection.

580
00:26:52,272 --> 00:26:54,504
Whereas if you're an autistic, you have

581
00:26:54,544 --> 00:26:57,924
certain behaviors that you expect to be part
of the process.

582
00:26:58,424 --> 00:27:07,864
And it is one of those things where it's like,
I would like to hook up with you.

583
00:27:08,164 --> 00:27:08,828
All right.

584
00:27:08,916 --> 00:27:12,860
How, you know, how would you like to.

585
00:27:13,012 --> 00:27:16,044
Would you like to, what would you like to talk
about?

586
00:27:16,084 --> 00:27:20,144
Would you like to get something to eat?
Would you like to spend time together?

587
00:27:20,484 --> 00:27:23,668
And they're like, no, you just swipe me on
Tinder.

588
00:27:23,716 --> 00:27:26,984
Let's do it in part ways, right?

589
00:27:27,504 --> 00:27:30,684
Leah: Try to have the same interests as them.

590
00:27:31,024 --> 00:27:33,200
Remember, this is for a casual hookup.

591
00:27:33,352 --> 00:27:38,444
Moshe: Again, for an autistic, that would just
seem to be the norm.

592
00:27:38,944 --> 00:27:44,168
But I can see that it would not be the norm if
you're just trying to do casual.

593
00:27:44,256 --> 00:27:44,872
Leah: You're right.

594
00:27:44,928 --> 00:27:46,752
It's statistically significant.

595
00:27:46,928 --> 00:27:47,644
Actually.

596
00:27:48,144 --> 00:27:51,192
Less than 10% of non autistics think that you

597
00:27:51,208 --> 00:27:53,300
should have the same interest as a hookup.

598
00:27:53,472 --> 00:27:56,732
33.8% of autistics think that you should have

599
00:27:56,748 --> 00:27:58,228
the same interest as a hookup.

600
00:27:58,396 --> 00:27:59,060
Moshe: Right.

601
00:27:59,212 --> 00:28:01,264
Because it comes with, like, trust.

602
00:28:01,644 --> 00:28:05,516
Why would you be intimate with someone that
you don't have anything in common with?

603
00:28:05,540 --> 00:28:06,884
It doesn't make any sense.

604
00:28:07,044 --> 00:28:08,664
Leah: Give them something nice.

605
00:28:09,164 --> 00:28:11,024
Moshe: Again, I would have said yes.

606
00:28:11,324 --> 00:28:12,484
Leah: That tracks as well.

607
00:28:12,524 --> 00:28:15,476
Less than 10% of non autistics and 32% of

608
00:28:15,500 --> 00:28:16,036
autistics.

609
00:28:16,100 --> 00:28:16,748
Moshe: Yeah.

610
00:28:16,916 --> 00:28:18,332
Leah: Sit next to them.

611
00:28:18,508 --> 00:28:20,348
Again, I don't know how you're putting your

612
00:28:20,396 --> 00:28:22,660
private parts together if you don't even sit
next to them.

613
00:28:22,692 --> 00:28:25,070
Moshe: But I mean, I suppose a question.

614
00:28:25,142 --> 00:28:26,750
We could, like, sit across the room from each

615
00:28:26,782 --> 00:28:29,234
other and then, like, jump on each other or
something.

616
00:28:29,814 --> 00:28:31,182
But I mean, obviously I would.

617
00:28:31,238 --> 00:28:32,394
I would have said yes.

618
00:28:32,694 --> 00:28:38,714
Leah: So that's a weird question and also,
like a strange answer, because it's like 34%

619
00:28:39,014 --> 00:28:44,714
for non autistics and 44% for autistics watch
them almost all of the time.

620
00:28:45,454 --> 00:28:48,674
Moshe: So I would say no, because that's
creepy.

621
00:28:48,994 --> 00:28:53,138
Leah: So it's low, but it's lower for
autistics, which is surprising because a lot

622
00:28:53,146 --> 00:28:56,034
of autistics get in trouble for staring and
looking and stuff.

623
00:28:56,194 --> 00:28:59,778
So 23% of non 14% of autistics.

624
00:28:59,906 --> 00:29:00,578
Moshe: Right.

625
00:29:00,746 --> 00:29:02,614
Leah: Tease them to get their attention.

626
00:29:03,634 --> 00:29:07,814
Moshe: The idea of teasing someone to get
their attention, I don't really understand.

627
00:29:08,514 --> 00:29:09,698
Leah: That also tracks here.

628
00:29:09,746 --> 00:29:12,882
So 46% of non autistics would say they would,

629
00:29:13,018 --> 00:29:19,234
and only 22% of autistics say they would try
to be around them almost all of the time.

630
00:29:20,094 --> 00:29:26,510
Moshe: See, for a casual hookup, I wouldn't
say yes, but I can understand why that

631
00:29:26,542 --> 00:29:28,062
wouldn't make a lot of sense.

632
00:29:28,238 --> 00:29:30,118
Leah: It's about 20% across the board.

633
00:29:30,166 --> 00:29:31,594
Nobody thought it was important.

634
00:29:32,134 --> 00:29:33,634
Ask them on a date.

635
00:29:34,054 --> 00:29:34,758
Moshe: Yeah.

636
00:29:34,886 --> 00:29:39,314
Leah: About 50 50. Tell others that I like the
person.

637
00:29:40,374 --> 00:29:42,396
Moshe: I wouldn't tell it others that I would
like.

638
00:29:42,510 --> 00:29:44,208
Leah: No, it's only about 20%.

639
00:29:44,256 --> 00:29:46,360
And it's an even spread between the two.

640
00:29:46,552 --> 00:29:49,604
Tell them things about me that I think the
other person would like.

641
00:29:50,904 --> 00:29:58,744
Moshe: I would have probably said no to that
just because I never really liked to talk

642
00:29:58,784 --> 00:30:01,376
about my feelings with other people.

643
00:30:01,560 --> 00:30:04,616
I never understood it because the time that I

644
00:30:04,640 --> 00:30:08,924
have shared my feelings with other people,
they typically made fun of me.

645
00:30:10,474 --> 00:30:11,458
Leah: That's hard.

646
00:30:11,626 --> 00:30:12,426
Moshe: Yes.

647
00:30:12,610 --> 00:30:18,386
Leah: I mean, 17% of non autistics and
actually almost 40% of autistics would tell

648
00:30:18,410 --> 00:30:21,978
them things about themselves, touch them.

649
00:30:22,146 --> 00:30:24,890
So the non sexual sexuality we're talking

650
00:30:24,922 --> 00:30:28,250
about, like, touch their arms, back, etcetera,
to show them I'm interested.

651
00:30:28,322 --> 00:30:29,026
Moshe: Yes.

652
00:30:29,210 --> 00:30:31,050
Leah: 34% of non autistics.

653
00:30:31,122 --> 00:30:33,138
Only 27% of autistics.

654
00:30:33,186 --> 00:30:35,702
So you're different in your understanding
that.

655
00:30:35,858 --> 00:30:36,870
Moshe: Interesting.

656
00:30:37,062 --> 00:30:42,462
Leah: The reasons that I might have sex in the
future or have in the past are because it

657
00:30:42,478 --> 00:30:44,234
feels good just for enjoyment.

658
00:30:45,054 --> 00:30:45,874
Moshe: Yes.

659
00:30:46,414 --> 00:30:47,854
Leah: 48% of autistics.

660
00:30:47,894 --> 00:30:50,094
Almost 80% of non autistics.

661
00:30:50,174 --> 00:30:51,074
Moshe: Makes sense.

662
00:30:51,654 --> 00:30:52,674
Leah: For fun.

663
00:30:53,414 --> 00:30:56,686
No, 77% of non autistics.

664
00:30:56,750 --> 00:30:58,514
52% of autistic.

665
00:30:58,854 --> 00:31:00,194
Because we're friends.

666
00:31:01,274 --> 00:31:06,774
Moshe: It doesn't seem like that is
applicable, though I would say no.

667
00:31:07,274 --> 00:31:08,290
Leah: Yeah, it's pretty low.

668
00:31:08,322 --> 00:31:12,402
It's 7.7 for non autistics, 2.9 for autistics.

669
00:31:12,538 --> 00:31:17,234
So they're not doing the friends with benefits
thing because we are in a relationship.

670
00:31:17,394 --> 00:31:18,134
Moshe: Yeah.

671
00:31:18,434 --> 00:31:20,282
Leah: 66% of autistics.

672
00:31:20,338 --> 00:31:22,374
82% of non autistics.

673
00:31:23,154 --> 00:31:27,574
This one makes me feel kind of icky to show
them that I love them.

674
00:31:29,714 --> 00:31:30,494
Moshe: Yes.

675
00:31:30,834 --> 00:31:31,562
Leah: It's about.

676
00:31:31,658 --> 00:31:36,866
It's 30% across the board because I feel like

677
00:31:36,890 --> 00:31:37,814
I have to.

678
00:31:38,234 --> 00:31:39,014
Moshe: Yes.

679
00:31:39,594 --> 00:31:40,334
Leah: Then.

680
00:31:40,754 --> 00:31:47,370
Moshe: Well, then I wasn't actually having
sex, but it would seem to me like being in a

681
00:31:47,402 --> 00:31:51,530
relationship with someone would mean that I
would have to have sex with them.

682
00:31:51,722 --> 00:31:53,694
Leah: I don't think that's what they mean.

683
00:31:54,014 --> 00:31:54,542
Moshe: No?

684
00:31:54,638 --> 00:31:55,274
Leah: No.

685
00:31:55,694 --> 00:31:56,294
Moshe: What do they.

686
00:31:56,334 --> 00:31:57,198
What do you think they mean?

687
00:31:57,246 --> 00:32:00,438
Leah: I think what they mean is like, I don't
really want to, but I have to.

688
00:32:00,486 --> 00:32:02,486
So, like, doing the dishes or.

689
00:32:02,550 --> 00:32:04,478
Moshe: Right. That's not right.

690
00:32:04,486 --> 00:32:05,994
That's not what I interpreted.

691
00:32:06,454 --> 00:32:08,094
I'm like, yes, I'm in a relationship.

692
00:32:08,134 --> 00:32:09,142
I have to have sex with them.

693
00:32:09,158 --> 00:32:10,030
Why wouldn't I?

694
00:32:10,182 --> 00:32:14,238
Leah: Right. But I think it's more like I have
to do the dishes again.

695
00:32:14,366 --> 00:32:16,790
Moshe: Oh, well, with that interpretation.

696
00:32:16,862 --> 00:32:19,358
Leah: No, it was very low.

697
00:32:19,406 --> 00:32:21,314
5.9 and 4.8%.

698
00:32:21,674 --> 00:32:23,254
Because we are married.

699
00:32:24,634 --> 00:32:26,934
Yeah, it was actually very low.

700
00:32:28,234 --> 00:32:30,334
11% and 18%.

701
00:32:30,674 --> 00:32:34,490
Moshe: I mean, that's the main reason why
we're having sex.

702
00:32:34,602 --> 00:32:35,774
Yeah, I guess.

703
00:32:36,314 --> 00:32:40,334
Leah: I mean, yeah, I guess it depends.

704
00:32:40,834 --> 00:32:41,770
Reproduction.

705
00:32:41,842 --> 00:32:42,586
Moshe: Yeah.

706
00:32:42,770 --> 00:32:47,814
Leah: So 38% of autistics and 54% of non
autistics.

707
00:32:48,234 --> 00:32:49,214
Moshe: Interesting.

708
00:32:49,554 --> 00:32:53,218
Leah: Keep in mind these people are young, so
they're probably trying to not get pregnant

709
00:32:53,266 --> 00:32:55,114
while they're having sex.

710
00:32:55,274 --> 00:32:56,254
Moshe: Makes sense.

711
00:32:56,754 --> 00:33:00,874
But if they do intend on having sex, seeing

712
00:33:00,914 --> 00:33:06,970
the main reason for them doing it as
reproduction is still interesting, because

713
00:33:07,042 --> 00:33:12,018
maybe at that time, they're not necessarily
interested in having children.

714
00:33:12,146 --> 00:33:13,170
Or maybe they are.

715
00:33:13,242 --> 00:33:15,346
Maybe they've decided that they want children

716
00:33:15,410 --> 00:33:17,374
and they don't care how old they are.

717
00:33:17,904 --> 00:33:19,684
Leah: Sexual dyadic experience.

718
00:33:20,504 --> 00:33:23,112
I have held another person's hand.

719
00:33:23,288 --> 00:33:25,884
Someone that you liked or were interested in?

720
00:33:26,224 --> 00:33:27,004
Moshe: Yes.

721
00:33:28,064 --> 00:33:30,564
Leah: You just looked down at our hands
holding each other.

722
00:33:31,224 --> 00:33:35,964
70% of autistic, 89% of non I have hugged
another person.

723
00:33:36,744 --> 00:33:42,296
88 and 97 I have kissed another person on the
lips, mouth closed.

724
00:33:42,400 --> 00:33:43,178
Moshe: Yeah.

725
00:33:43,376 --> 00:33:46,974
Leah: 55% of autistics, 83% of non autistics.

726
00:33:47,014 --> 00:33:50,478
So that is, like, a significant difference.

727
00:33:50,646 --> 00:33:51,914
Why do you think that is?

728
00:33:52,414 --> 00:33:56,114
Moshe: Because kissing can be uncomfortable
for autistics.

729
00:33:57,094 --> 00:34:02,470
The whole concept of touching each other in
general can be uncomfortable, even to the

730
00:34:02,502 --> 00:34:08,590
point of holding hands if they're sensitive to
touch and don't necessarily like being touched

731
00:34:08,622 --> 00:34:09,440
overall.

732
00:34:09,622 --> 00:34:14,540
So if you take the discomfort with touching

733
00:34:14,732 --> 00:34:20,604
and you add your mouth, it can be a bit more
disconcerting.

734
00:34:20,684 --> 00:34:21,584
Leah: I see it.

735
00:34:22,044 --> 00:34:28,492
Moshe: I never really had a problem with it,
but I also wasn't particularly good at it.

736
00:34:28,668 --> 00:34:32,012
Leah: I recall you actually not necessarily
being fond of it.

737
00:34:32,188 --> 00:34:38,919
Moshe: I wasn't a big fan of kissing, mostly
because I associated kissing with negative

738
00:34:38,991 --> 00:34:40,111
experiences.

739
00:34:40,287 --> 00:34:42,623
It was something that I was expected to do

740
00:34:42,663 --> 00:34:45,695
rather than something that I wanted to do.

741
00:34:45,879 --> 00:34:48,303
It was one of those, you have to do it because

742
00:34:48,383 --> 00:34:55,271
I'm your, whatever, partner, girlfriend,
boyfriend, it doesn't matter, so you need to

743
00:34:55,287 --> 00:34:56,007
do it.

744
00:34:56,175 --> 00:34:57,723
And I was like, fine.

745
00:34:58,223 --> 00:35:02,655
Leah: That's very interesting to me, because
whenever we kissed, it was kind of always you

746
00:35:02,679 --> 00:35:03,777
who initiated it.

747
00:35:03,895 --> 00:35:08,750
Moshe: Right. Because I had the understanding
that I actually wanted to kiss you.

748
00:35:08,822 --> 00:35:14,174
Leah: I mean, now I ask you for kisses, but I
think you were always the first initiator

749
00:35:14,214 --> 00:35:15,714
whenever we would kiss.

750
00:35:16,054 --> 00:35:23,966
Moshe: I should have initiated more, but it
was an uncomfortable experience that I was

751
00:35:23,990 --> 00:35:27,910
trying to turn into a comfortable experience
with someone that I genuinely cared about.

752
00:35:28,062 --> 00:35:29,954
Leah: Aw, that's really sweet.

753
00:35:30,684 --> 00:35:32,100
I have French kissed someone.

754
00:35:32,172 --> 00:35:33,584
This includes tongue?

755
00:35:33,884 --> 00:35:37,772
Moshe: Yes. At the time, no. But now,
obviously, yes.

756
00:35:37,868 --> 00:35:42,236
Leah: I mean, I kind of unknowingly kind of
forced you into doing that because I didn't

757
00:35:42,260 --> 00:35:43,228
know that you didn't.

758
00:35:43,356 --> 00:35:44,504
So I did it.

759
00:35:45,924 --> 00:35:50,092
Moshe: I do it regularly now only because you
do.

760
00:35:50,268 --> 00:35:57,856
But it wasn't necessarily something that I
would do regularly prior to being in a

761
00:35:57,880 --> 00:35:59,040
relationship with you.

762
00:35:59,152 --> 00:36:00,952
Leah: Aw, that's really sweet.

763
00:36:01,088 --> 00:36:05,032
So 38.2% of autistics and 77.9% of

764
00:36:05,048 --> 00:36:05,648
monotistics.

765
00:36:05,696 --> 00:36:06,400
That tracks.

766
00:36:06,432 --> 00:36:06,864
Right.

767
00:36:06,984 --> 00:36:08,384
Because of the whole sensory thing.

768
00:36:08,464 --> 00:36:08,776
Moshe: Right.

769
00:36:08,840 --> 00:36:10,656
Like you're gonna stick your tongue in my

770
00:36:10,680 --> 00:36:10,920
mouth.

771
00:36:10,952 --> 00:36:11,416
That's.

772
00:36:11,520 --> 00:36:15,304
Leah: I mean, honestly, I didn't know that you
didn't like it, so I just did it.

773
00:36:15,464 --> 00:36:17,604
And then eventually you kind of liked it.

774
00:36:18,104 --> 00:36:21,746
Moshe: I didn't know that I liked it, and I
didn't particularly care for it.

775
00:36:21,880 --> 00:36:24,238
Then I associated it with you.

776
00:36:24,326 --> 00:36:26,390
I wouldn't like, stick my tongue in everyone's

777
00:36:26,422 --> 00:36:26,942
mouth.

778
00:36:27,078 --> 00:36:30,794
Leah: That's probably best, considering when
you get sick, you get really sick.

779
00:36:31,614 --> 00:36:32,634
Moshe: That's true.

780
00:36:33,374 --> 00:36:38,134
Today it's just been you and occasionally

781
00:36:38,174 --> 00:36:40,954
Abram Avram.

782
00:36:41,774 --> 00:36:44,030
Leah: I've had some form of sexual experience.

783
00:36:44,142 --> 00:36:46,638
Example, touching another sexually foreplay,

784
00:36:46,766 --> 00:36:50,602
any sexual activity, oral sex, sexual
intercourse, etcetera.

785
00:36:50,798 --> 00:36:55,010
Moshe: So at the time, depending on how old
they are, when the survey is.

786
00:36:55,042 --> 00:36:59,274
Leah: Being given, late teens, early twenties,
late teens, early twenties, like emerging

787
00:36:59,314 --> 00:37:00,094
adults.

788
00:37:00,794 --> 00:37:06,338
Moshe: I probably would have said yes,
depending on what point it was at.

789
00:37:06,466 --> 00:37:09,962
Because I had sex late compared to monk dad.

790
00:37:10,018 --> 00:37:12,586
Leah: Yeah, but it's not.

791
00:37:12,610 --> 00:37:16,034
I had sex with, like, somebody vaginal

792
00:37:16,074 --> 00:37:21,624
intercourse and says I have had some form of
sexual experience at all.

793
00:37:22,924 --> 00:37:24,900
Moshe: Yeah, I can then.

794
00:37:25,012 --> 00:37:25,704
Yes.

795
00:37:26,004 --> 00:37:32,460
Leah: So it's interesting because it's 40% for
autistics, but that's fully 40% less than non

796
00:37:32,492 --> 00:37:34,224
autistics at 81%.

797
00:37:35,204 --> 00:37:39,036
Have you ever had a significant other at the

798
00:37:39,060 --> 00:37:39,244
time?

799
00:37:39,284 --> 00:37:39,864
Moshe: No.

800
00:37:40,764 --> 00:37:47,848
Leah: Now, obviously, 58.2% and 78.8% feels
good to them.

801
00:37:47,976 --> 00:37:50,564
I enjoy using pornographic materials.

802
00:37:51,064 --> 00:37:52,736
That's kind of an interesting question,

803
00:37:52,800 --> 00:37:57,680
because I think at any given point in
somebody's life, they may or may not.

804
00:37:57,832 --> 00:38:00,004
And the interest in that waxes and wanes.

805
00:38:00,424 --> 00:38:08,416
Moshe: If you use pornographic materials out
of sheer enjoyment, it kind of puts you into a

806
00:38:08,440 --> 00:38:09,604
class of your own.

807
00:38:10,304 --> 00:38:13,448
I think I would have said no at the time.

808
00:38:13,616 --> 00:38:15,804
I would say no now.

809
00:38:16,464 --> 00:38:19,720
But I mean, that's mostly based on the word

810
00:38:19,792 --> 00:38:21,720
enjoy, right?

811
00:38:21,792 --> 00:38:23,056
Leah: That's really interesting.

812
00:38:23,160 --> 00:38:24,936
That's like a whole discussion.

813
00:38:25,080 --> 00:38:29,464
I just wanted to let you know it's about 50%
with slightly more non autistic people saying

814
00:38:29,504 --> 00:38:32,040
they enjoy using pornographic materials.

815
00:38:32,072 --> 00:38:34,392
But what is, what does the word enjoy mean to

816
00:38:34,408 --> 00:38:34,536
you?

817
00:38:34,560 --> 00:38:37,948
Moshe: Like, it means like, you know, you go
to a movie, you.

818
00:38:37,976 --> 00:38:38,924
You enjoy that movie.

819
00:38:39,004 --> 00:38:41,500
You play a sport, you enjoy that sport.

820
00:38:41,652 --> 00:38:43,004
I enjoy politics.

821
00:38:43,124 --> 00:38:44,580
I enjoy reading.

822
00:38:44,652 --> 00:38:48,532
I enjoy watching movies and shows with you.

823
00:38:48,588 --> 00:38:50,864
I enjoy going to a nice restaurant.

824
00:38:51,284 --> 00:38:55,064
I enjoy, I don't know, going for walks.

825
00:38:55,804 --> 00:38:59,372
*********** is not really an enjoyment.

826
00:38:59,468 --> 00:39:02,044
It's really more of a task based.

827
00:39:02,124 --> 00:39:06,532
Leah: Experience that, I mean, stupid me, but
I have to ask, why would anybody ever use it

828
00:39:06,548 --> 00:39:07,904
if they didn't enjoy it?

829
00:39:09,234 --> 00:39:09,946
Moshe: I don't know.

830
00:39:10,010 --> 00:39:11,454
I guess I'm just strange.

831
00:39:13,154 --> 00:39:19,258
The whole concept of *********** was always
very interesting to me because I never

832
00:39:19,306 --> 00:39:20,414
understood it.

833
00:39:21,314 --> 00:39:23,578
I never really understood what I was supposed

834
00:39:23,626 --> 00:39:24,974
to gain from it.

835
00:39:25,314 --> 00:39:26,242
Leah: It depends.

836
00:39:26,298 --> 00:39:28,370
For some people, it's educational.

837
00:39:28,522 --> 00:39:30,250
Moshe: Well, education, yes.

838
00:39:30,402 --> 00:39:33,138
But again, if you're gaining your sex

839
00:39:33,186 --> 00:39:37,764
education from ***********, then you're
getting a very skewed education.

840
00:39:38,464 --> 00:39:42,664
Leah: Yes and no. It depends if you're looking
for the actual physical, like, characteristics

841
00:39:42,704 --> 00:39:43,400
or not.

842
00:39:43,552 --> 00:39:45,736
Obviously, don't get your, like, romance or

843
00:39:45,760 --> 00:39:51,336
whatever off of it, but if you're looking for
what slot goes into what tab and what, you

844
00:39:51,360 --> 00:39:53,696
know, it's fine for that.

845
00:39:53,760 --> 00:39:54,564
I find.

846
00:39:55,424 --> 00:39:59,044
Moshe: I mean, for the purposes of that.

847
00:39:59,464 --> 00:40:05,582
But mostly my experience has been, I don't, I

848
00:40:05,598 --> 00:40:09,806
don't understand, like, how do you.

849
00:40:09,950 --> 00:40:11,394
Why would you do that?

850
00:40:11,774 --> 00:40:13,286
I don't feel like that would, like.

851
00:40:13,310 --> 00:40:15,150
Leah: Why would the people on the screen do
that?

852
00:40:15,222 --> 00:40:17,318
Yeah, most people don't think that.

853
00:40:17,446 --> 00:40:19,054
Most people don't care.

854
00:40:19,214 --> 00:40:19,854
Moshe: Yes.

855
00:40:19,974 --> 00:40:23,646
Leah: So that's one reason you could be
looking at it, because you're curious or you

856
00:40:23,670 --> 00:40:29,208
need some education on the literal, like, tab
a goes into slot b in this.

857
00:40:29,256 --> 00:40:32,944
Moshe: Right, if you want to know how actual
sex works from, like, a live performance

858
00:40:33,064 --> 00:40:33,592
standpoint.

859
00:40:33,648 --> 00:40:34,104
But.

860
00:40:34,224 --> 00:40:39,464
Leah: And people who are more experienced will
often use it to get physically turned on

861
00:40:39,504 --> 00:40:42,256
faster so they can get masturbation over with.

862
00:40:42,400 --> 00:40:43,364
It's true.

863
00:40:43,864 --> 00:40:49,084
Moshe: I mean, the first **** pornographic
movie I watched was when I was quite young.

864
00:40:49,424 --> 00:40:55,916
And I remember just kind of sitting there
watching it and going, I. She looks really

865
00:40:55,980 --> 00:40:56,664
dirty.

866
00:40:57,684 --> 00:40:58,628
I don't.

867
00:40:58,796 --> 00:40:59,244
I don't.

868
00:40:59,284 --> 00:41:01,148
If I was that man, I wouldn't.

869
00:41:01,316 --> 00:41:02,668
I wouldn't touch her.

870
00:41:02,836 --> 00:41:05,156
She seems like, like a bit of a. She seems

871
00:41:05,180 --> 00:41:06,364
like she needs a shower.

872
00:41:06,484 --> 00:41:07,748
She looks very shiny.

873
00:41:07,796 --> 00:41:10,904
I don't know that she's actually enjoying
herself that much.

874
00:41:11,324 --> 00:41:11,916
I don't.

875
00:41:11,980 --> 00:41:12,556
I don't.

876
00:41:12,660 --> 00:41:13,820
I don't feel like.

877
00:41:13,892 --> 00:41:16,156
Like this is going exactly the way that she

878
00:41:16,180 --> 00:41:16,556
was hoping.

879
00:41:16,580 --> 00:41:17,052
Leah: It was very.

880
00:41:17,108 --> 00:41:19,116
I don't think that pizza delivery man loves

881
00:41:19,140 --> 00:41:20,266
that cheerleader.

882
00:41:20,460 --> 00:41:22,006
You're so unique in that way.

883
00:41:22,030 --> 00:41:23,942
Like, why?
What's their motivation?

884
00:41:24,038 --> 00:41:25,366
They're not actors, Moshe.

885
00:41:25,390 --> 00:41:26,022
They're just.

886
00:41:26,158 --> 00:41:27,534
People use **** for two things.

887
00:41:27,574 --> 00:41:30,078
For learning or for just getting off much

888
00:41:30,126 --> 00:41:32,794
faster, because doing it yourself isn't that
fun.

889
00:41:33,374 --> 00:41:34,014
Moshe: I don't.

890
00:41:34,094 --> 00:41:35,590
I don't understand it.

891
00:41:35,782 --> 00:41:37,234
Don't understand it.

892
00:41:37,654 --> 00:41:38,934
Leah: That's why you're wonderful.

893
00:41:39,014 --> 00:41:39,950
Moshe: Thank you.

894
00:41:40,142 --> 00:41:42,554
Leah: Negative sexual experiences or worries.

895
00:41:43,054 --> 00:41:45,230
I have agreed to have sex with someone and

896
00:41:45,262 --> 00:41:46,574
regretted it afterwards.

897
00:41:46,734 --> 00:41:47,406
Moshe: Yeah.

898
00:41:47,550 --> 00:41:49,070
Leah: It's unfortunately, a lot of people.

899
00:41:49,142 --> 00:41:54,194
26.5% of autistics 33.7% of non autistics.

900
00:41:54,894 --> 00:41:58,398
I have agreed to have sex with someone that I
didn't really want to.

901
00:41:58,566 --> 00:42:02,354
Yeah, it's about the same spread, and that's
actually very sad.

902
00:42:02,654 --> 00:42:06,834
I have been the victim of unwanted sexual
advances or behaviors from others.

903
00:42:07,454 --> 00:42:12,668
On this, I would like to see the spread of
genders, which they don't show, but it is

904
00:42:12,806 --> 00:42:15,524
approximately 27 and 26%.

905
00:42:16,504 --> 00:42:17,224
Moshe: Interesting.

906
00:42:17,304 --> 00:42:21,816
Leah: I have initiated a sexual behavior with
someone even though I didn't really want to.

907
00:42:22,000 --> 00:42:24,656
Yeah, that is a guy thing, I think.

908
00:42:24,720 --> 00:42:26,204
I don't understand that.

909
00:42:26,704 --> 00:42:28,844
About 23% and 20%.

910
00:42:29,184 --> 00:42:30,720
But I think that's a boy thing.

911
00:42:30,792 --> 00:42:32,000
Like, it's a. I'm a guy.

912
00:42:32,032 --> 00:42:33,856
I'm a dude, so I have to do this thing because

913
00:42:33,880 --> 00:42:34,672
I would never.

914
00:42:34,768 --> 00:42:35,936
I didn't feel like doing it.

915
00:42:35,960 --> 00:42:37,004
I wouldn't initiate.

916
00:42:37,624 --> 00:42:40,524
Moshe: Unfortunately for me, there's, like, an
expectation.

917
00:42:41,134 --> 00:42:44,790
Leah: I have been teased or victimized by
other people because I didn't know as much

918
00:42:44,822 --> 00:42:46,086
about sex as they did.

919
00:42:46,190 --> 00:42:46,662
Moshe: Yes.

920
00:42:46,758 --> 00:42:48,274
Leah: Oh, I'm sorry.

921
00:42:48,934 --> 00:42:50,114
That's not nice.

922
00:42:50,774 --> 00:42:54,982
It's 13% of non autistics and 19% of
autistics.

923
00:42:55,158 --> 00:42:55,726
Gratefully.

924
00:42:55,750 --> 00:42:57,566
It's not that as many as I thought it would

925
00:42:57,590 --> 00:42:58,994
be, but it's slightly more.

926
00:42:59,294 --> 00:43:01,454
I'm worried that my sexual behaviors might be

927
00:43:01,494 --> 00:43:03,034
misunderstood by people.

928
00:43:03,454 --> 00:43:04,214
Moshe: Yeah.

929
00:43:04,374 --> 00:43:08,634
Leah: Yeah. So 16% of non autistics, 38.8% of
autistics.

930
00:43:08,674 --> 00:43:09,642
And that tracks me.

931
00:43:09,658 --> 00:43:11,810
Moshe: Yes, that's definitely because, as you
said.

932
00:43:11,842 --> 00:43:14,194
Leah: You'Re like, wow, we're holding hands,
we're having sex now.

933
00:43:14,234 --> 00:43:14,458
Right.

934
00:43:14,506 --> 00:43:16,730
Like, your understanding of that is totally

935
00:43:16,762 --> 00:43:18,722
different than mine.

936
00:43:18,898 --> 00:43:20,642
Like, if you're not touching me below the

937
00:43:20,658 --> 00:43:23,018
collarbone and under my clothes, it's not
sexual.

938
00:43:23,186 --> 00:43:23,894
Moshe: Right.

939
00:43:24,234 --> 00:43:26,722
Leah: I worry that I may be taken advantage
of.

940
00:43:26,818 --> 00:43:27,450
Moshe: Yes.

941
00:43:27,602 --> 00:43:30,834
Leah: 38% and 33%, respectively.

942
00:43:30,914 --> 00:43:32,250
Again, I'd like to see the gender.

943
00:43:32,322 --> 00:43:32,602
Moshe: Right.

944
00:43:32,658 --> 00:43:33,414
Of course.

945
00:43:34,104 --> 00:43:37,912
Leah: Because you and I are very different
that way in terms of our genders.

946
00:43:37,968 --> 00:43:45,528
Normally, the females are more apt to be
victimized or feel a certain way, whereas

947
00:43:45,576 --> 00:43:46,272
males are not.

948
00:43:46,328 --> 00:43:49,256
And you and I are flipped in that sexual

949
00:43:49,320 --> 00:43:51,736
education and privacy knowledge.

950
00:43:51,920 --> 00:43:52,808
I don't know much.

951
00:43:52,856 --> 00:43:55,284
I would like to know more about sexuality.

952
00:43:55,824 --> 00:43:58,288
Moshe: I mean, at the time, absolutely, yes.

953
00:43:58,456 --> 00:44:00,854
Now, not so much.

954
00:44:01,154 --> 00:44:02,794
Leah: 15% of non autistics.

955
00:44:02,834 --> 00:44:04,906
A full 42% of autistics.

956
00:44:04,970 --> 00:44:06,734
That totally tracks.

957
00:44:07,234 --> 00:44:09,490
I know about the same or much more than most

958
00:44:09,522 --> 00:44:10,574
people my age.

959
00:44:10,914 --> 00:44:11,654
Moshe: No.

960
00:44:12,594 --> 00:44:14,242
Leah: 57% of autistics.

961
00:44:14,298 --> 00:44:15,018
They're lying.

962
00:44:15,146 --> 00:44:18,174
84% of non autistic.

963
00:44:19,474 --> 00:44:21,474
It was easy for me to understand the sex

964
00:44:21,514 --> 00:44:22,894
education that I received.

965
00:44:23,594 --> 00:44:28,012
No, 48.5% of non autistics or autistics.

966
00:44:28,068 --> 00:44:31,224
Excuse me?
79.9% of non autistics.

967
00:44:31,964 --> 00:44:36,756
I would like to know more about sexuality and
sexual health at the time.

968
00:44:36,820 --> 00:44:40,740
Yes, but not now, obviously, 57% and 60%.

969
00:44:40,812 --> 00:44:42,264
So it's not super high.

970
00:44:42,684 --> 00:44:46,304
Who taught you what things and actions should
be done in private?

971
00:44:46,924 --> 00:44:51,228
It's not necessarily talking about sex
anymore, but just like, private action.

972
00:44:51,396 --> 00:44:53,584
Moshe: Things that you do in privacy?

973
00:44:54,364 --> 00:44:55,384
Leah: My parents.

974
00:44:55,724 --> 00:44:56,516
Moshe: No.

975
00:44:56,700 --> 00:44:58,524
Leah: They didn't teach you what to do in
privacy?

976
00:44:58,644 --> 00:44:59,304
Moshe: No.

977
00:44:59,604 --> 00:45:04,264
Leah: It's like fully 60% of autistics and 51%
of non autistics.

978
00:45:04,644 --> 00:45:06,224
My brothers or sisters.

979
00:45:06,764 --> 00:45:08,732
No, that's very low.

980
00:45:08,788 --> 00:45:09,644
You're correct on that.

981
00:45:09,684 --> 00:45:10,504
My friends.

982
00:45:12,324 --> 00:45:16,624
No, 23% and 28%, respectively.

983
00:45:16,924 --> 00:45:18,264
My grandparents.

984
00:45:20,634 --> 00:45:26,650
Moshe: I can honestly tell you I have not
discussed sex with any of my grandparents at

985
00:45:26,682 --> 00:45:27,498
any point.

986
00:45:27,666 --> 00:45:28,450
Leah: It's very low.

987
00:45:28,482 --> 00:45:30,314
5.9 and 4.8%.

988
00:45:30,474 --> 00:45:31,574
My teachers.

989
00:45:32,554 --> 00:45:40,458
Moshe: I have had sex education teachers, and
obviously privacy was definitely part of their

990
00:45:40,506 --> 00:45:44,546
lesson, but obviously I didn't get the
majority of my knowledge from there.

991
00:45:44,570 --> 00:45:46,848
It was just one of those things that they
talked about.

992
00:45:47,026 --> 00:45:50,544
Leah: 35.3% and 24%, respectively.

993
00:45:51,124 --> 00:45:53,384
My counselor or support worker.

994
00:45:54,084 --> 00:45:57,132
This one's a huge spread, I can tell you right
away.

995
00:45:57,308 --> 00:46:03,652
7.7% of non autistics and 27.9% of autistics
because they're way more likely to have a

996
00:46:03,668 --> 00:46:04,996
counselor or support worker.

997
00:46:05,060 --> 00:46:08,064
Exact people on tv or movies.

998
00:46:08,684 --> 00:46:15,364
Moshe: When it comes to what to do privately,
I don't know that anyone on tv or movies has

999
00:46:15,404 --> 00:46:17,452
really specifically said anything.

1000
00:46:17,508 --> 00:46:18,260
Leah: It's scary.

1001
00:46:18,332 --> 00:46:23,292
High. Like 29% and 32% I learned on my own or

1002
00:46:23,308 --> 00:46:24,436
worked it out for myself.

1003
00:46:24,540 --> 00:46:26,564
Moshe: Yes, for me, that's how it worked.

1004
00:46:26,644 --> 00:46:30,516
Leah: Yeah. So 65% of the autistics and less.

1005
00:46:30,580 --> 00:46:31,964
47% of autistics.

1006
00:46:32,004 --> 00:46:33,264
But it's still a lot.

1007
00:46:33,724 --> 00:46:36,404
I've mostly learned about sex related topics

1008
00:46:36,484 --> 00:46:38,304
from my parents.

1009
00:46:38,784 --> 00:46:41,284
No, it was low for everyone.

1010
00:46:41,664 --> 00:46:43,324
My brothers or sisters.

1011
00:46:44,384 --> 00:46:45,888
No, it was like zero.

1012
00:46:45,976 --> 00:46:47,400
Okay, so I feel good about that.

1013
00:46:47,432 --> 00:46:48,400
That's like zero.

1014
00:46:48,552 --> 00:46:49,352
Moshe: Yeah.

1015
00:46:49,528 --> 00:46:50,444
Leah: My friends.

1016
00:46:51,144 --> 00:46:53,792
No, this is an interesting one.

1017
00:46:53,888 --> 00:46:58,884
7.5% of autistics said that they did.

1018
00:46:59,304 --> 00:47:02,324
30% of non autistics said that they did.

1019
00:47:04,324 --> 00:47:07,676
Moshe: I mean, I guess non autistics talk
about sex with their friends a lot.

1020
00:47:07,820 --> 00:47:09,436
Leah: I identify with that experience.

1021
00:47:09,540 --> 00:47:11,092
We can do a show on it.

1022
00:47:11,108 --> 00:47:12,184
Maybe we'll see.

1023
00:47:12,604 --> 00:47:13,344
School.

1024
00:47:14,404 --> 00:47:18,180
Moshe: I have, again, had sex ed classes that
discuss that.

1025
00:47:18,292 --> 00:47:23,024
Leah: 38.8% of autistics, 24% of non reading.

1026
00:47:23,644 --> 00:47:24,540
Moshe: That's for sure.

1027
00:47:24,572 --> 00:47:24,948
A yes.

1028
00:47:24,996 --> 00:47:25,540
For me.

1029
00:47:25,652 --> 00:47:27,468
Leah: It's very low for most people.

1030
00:47:27,636 --> 00:47:31,526
9% of autistic and less for non autistic

1031
00:47:31,700 --> 00:47:34,494
services such as counseling or a community
program.

1032
00:47:34,914 --> 00:47:35,538
Moshe: No.

1033
00:47:35,666 --> 00:47:36,698
Leah: Almost non existent.

1034
00:47:36,746 --> 00:47:38,546
Less than 2% across the board.

1035
00:47:38,730 --> 00:47:40,734
Tv, movies, and Internet.

1036
00:47:41,154 --> 00:47:41,934
Moshe: Yes.

1037
00:47:42,914 --> 00:47:45,374
Leah: Eleven and 14%, respectively.

1038
00:47:45,914 --> 00:47:46,734
None.

1039
00:47:48,594 --> 00:47:50,418
I learned sex from nothing.

1040
00:47:50,586 --> 00:47:52,534
Moshe: I don't know anything about sex.

1041
00:47:53,274 --> 00:47:54,974
Leah: 6% and 7%.

1042
00:47:55,554 --> 00:47:57,138
I've been taught the importance of using

1043
00:47:57,186 --> 00:47:58,254
contraception.

1044
00:47:58,714 --> 00:47:59,474
Moshe: Yeah.

1045
00:47:59,634 --> 00:48:01,574
Leah: Almost 100% across the board.

1046
00:48:01,914 --> 00:48:03,814
Having tests for Sti's?

1047
00:48:05,234 --> 00:48:06,574
Moshe: Not really, no.

1048
00:48:07,714 --> 00:48:15,298
Leah: Almost 10% fewer autistics than non
autistics not making important decisions about

1049
00:48:15,346 --> 00:48:18,534
sexual activities while affected by alcohol or
drugs.

1050
00:48:19,514 --> 00:48:22,482
Moshe: I wasn't actually taught that.

1051
00:48:22,658 --> 00:48:23,946
Leah: It is high.

1052
00:48:24,010 --> 00:48:26,340
It's 83% and 87%.

1053
00:48:26,522 --> 00:48:30,336
But I do believe that's probably a
generational thing because they didn't

1054
00:48:30,400 --> 00:48:32,884
actually talk about that in the nineties.

1055
00:48:33,664 --> 00:48:34,604
Moshe: Not really.

1056
00:48:35,264 --> 00:48:39,936
I had some pretty skewed opinions, and then,

1057
00:48:39,960 --> 00:48:43,440
of course, there was, like, the whole, you
know, super bad.

1058
00:48:43,592 --> 00:48:44,088
Leah: Yeah.

1059
00:48:44,176 --> 00:48:46,016
Moshe: Revenge of the nerds thing.

1060
00:48:46,120 --> 00:48:51,888
Leah: Yeah. I mean, I'll still probably engage
in sex if I had a little too much to drink,

1061
00:48:51,936 --> 00:48:52,360
but that's.

1062
00:48:52,392 --> 00:48:53,662
Again, it's a generational.

1063
00:48:53,808 --> 00:48:54,506
Thank you.

1064
00:48:54,610 --> 00:48:56,514
Moshe: Yeah. Well, then you would never have
sex.

1065
00:48:56,674 --> 00:48:58,054
Leah: Oh, stop it.

1066
00:49:00,234 --> 00:49:02,490
The sexual activities that should be engaged

1067
00:49:02,562 --> 00:49:04,814
in only in private are kissing someone.

1068
00:49:06,194 --> 00:49:09,050
No, it's low, but a lot more autistics thought

1069
00:49:09,082 --> 00:49:09,634
so.

1070
00:49:09,794 --> 00:49:11,282
Almost 10% more.

1071
00:49:11,458 --> 00:49:14,934
Touching someone in a sexual way in private.

1072
00:49:15,714 --> 00:49:16,570
Moshe: Yes.

1073
00:49:16,762 --> 00:49:20,666
Leah: I'd like to say that your autistic
brothers and sisters are very respectful at

1074
00:49:20,690 --> 00:49:25,054
92%, but non autistics are only 84%.

1075
00:49:25,134 --> 00:49:26,514
What's wrong with us?

1076
00:49:27,214 --> 00:49:30,694
You're just, like, touching your boyfriend's
junk in public.

1077
00:49:30,774 --> 00:49:32,070
Like, what's happening there?

1078
00:49:32,182 --> 00:49:34,594
Moshe: I mean, right there.

1079
00:49:35,894 --> 00:49:39,354
Leah: Undressing the person in public.

1080
00:49:40,254 --> 00:49:41,654
That should be done in private.

1081
00:49:41,774 --> 00:49:43,030
Moshe: Well, yes, obviously.

1082
00:49:43,062 --> 00:49:46,278
Leah: Yeah. 97% of people agreed with that,
versus 95.

1083
00:49:46,326 --> 00:49:52,042
Again, holistics, what is wrong with you?
Why are you so Lucy Goosey on this?

1084
00:49:52,218 --> 00:49:55,054
Sexual behaviors other than intercourse should
be private.

1085
00:49:55,354 --> 00:49:57,974
Yes, 89 and 88%.

1086
00:49:58,634 --> 00:50:00,774
Sexual intercourse should be private.

1087
00:50:01,274 --> 00:50:02,146
Moshe: Yes.

1088
00:50:02,330 --> 00:50:05,210
Leah: 94 and 89%.

1089
00:50:05,322 --> 00:50:07,610
Again, what is wrong with these non autistic

1090
00:50:07,642 --> 00:50:08,214
people?

1091
00:50:08,554 --> 00:50:15,014
Moshe: So one in ten non autistic people feel
that sex should be the public spectacle?

1092
00:50:15,094 --> 00:50:17,670
Leah: Yes. I'm ashamed.

1093
00:50:17,822 --> 00:50:18,754
Moshe: I don't know.

1094
00:50:19,054 --> 00:50:21,114
Leah: Sexual identity and orientation.

1095
00:50:21,774 --> 00:50:24,142
I clearly identify myself as the gender that I

1096
00:50:24,158 --> 00:50:24,718
was born.

1097
00:50:24,806 --> 00:50:27,470
Yeah, this is interesting.

1098
00:50:27,582 --> 00:50:31,230
Most non autistics agree, 95.2%.

1099
00:50:31,422 --> 00:50:34,374
Only 73.5% of autistics agree.

1100
00:50:34,534 --> 00:50:35,702
Moshe: That is surprising.

1101
00:50:35,838 --> 00:50:38,434
Leah: It is not for me, because I've seen it a
lot.

1102
00:50:39,874 --> 00:50:42,494
I consider myself as transgender.

1103
00:50:45,394 --> 00:50:49,574
1.9% of non autistics, 8.8% of autistics.

1104
00:50:50,594 --> 00:50:54,174
I consider my sexual orientation to be hetero.

1105
00:50:56,434 --> 00:50:58,374
Moshe: At the time, I would have said no.

1106
00:50:59,034 --> 00:51:01,218
Leah: I mean, it's a good majority.

1107
00:51:01,306 --> 00:51:06,020
71% of non autistics and 63% of autistics.

1108
00:51:06,162 --> 00:51:10,616
So it's definitely the majority homosexual
attracted to the same sex.

1109
00:51:10,720 --> 00:51:18,204
No, 1% of non autistics, 9% of autistics
bisexual.

1110
00:51:18,704 --> 00:51:20,604
Moshe: At the time, I would have said yes.

1111
00:51:21,304 --> 00:51:23,128
Leah: That is kind of even.

1112
00:51:23,176 --> 00:51:26,856
It's almost 20% of non autistics and 14% of

1113
00:51:26,880 --> 00:51:30,644
autistics asexual attracted to neither sex.

1114
00:51:31,104 --> 00:51:31,920
Moshe: No.

1115
00:51:32,112 --> 00:51:37,264
Leah: This is interesting because a lot of
autistics are portrayed as asexual, and it is

1116
00:51:37,304 --> 00:51:39,472
higher, but it's actually very low.

1117
00:51:39,608 --> 00:51:42,048
So 1% of non autistics feel that they're

1118
00:51:42,096 --> 00:51:42,912
asexual.

1119
00:51:43,048 --> 00:51:45,520
Only 6% of autistics think that they are

1120
00:51:45,552 --> 00:51:46,432
asexual.

1121
00:51:46,608 --> 00:51:49,320
So hardly a stereotype in my humble opinion.

1122
00:51:49,432 --> 00:51:50,404
Moshe: Interesting.

1123
00:51:50,704 --> 00:51:53,524
Leah: And our questioning, not sure what I'm
attracted to.

1124
00:51:55,104 --> 00:51:57,232
Moshe: I would probably go with, yep, at.

1125
00:51:57,248 --> 00:52:00,886
Leah: The time, yeah, it's like around 7% for
both.

1126
00:52:01,030 --> 00:52:02,638
That was a pretty even spread.

1127
00:52:02,806 --> 00:52:04,702
So that was the end of the questionnaire.

1128
00:52:04,878 --> 00:52:07,914
Do you have any last thoughts before we take
off?

1129
00:52:08,334 --> 00:52:16,582
Moshe: So the understanding that autistics and
neurodivergence are, you know, non physical,

1130
00:52:16,638 --> 00:52:24,626
non sexual, non romantic, just computer
people, is absolutely untrue.

1131
00:52:24,750 --> 00:52:31,974
Autistics are people with feelings and
emotions and desires and interests.

1132
00:52:32,434 --> 00:52:40,666
And the fact that a lot of the time we lack
the ability to understand some nuance or the

1133
00:52:40,690 --> 00:52:48,250
ability to gauge people's feelings or
reactions doesn't preclude the fact that we

1134
00:52:48,282 --> 00:52:53,318
are all interested in something, some kind of
connection.

1135
00:52:53,446 --> 00:52:58,918
Leah: So if a non autistic person is
interested in an autistic person in that way,

1136
00:52:58,966 --> 00:53:04,918
romantically or sexually, or even, I don't
know, in a close friendship, what is something

1137
00:53:05,006 --> 00:53:08,874
or the main thing that they can do to help
that person communicate with them?

1138
00:53:09,694 --> 00:53:15,874
Moshe: It really kind of comes along with the
way you and I have learned to interact.

1139
00:53:16,234 --> 00:53:19,374
You do have to be very clear with your
intentions.

1140
00:53:19,714 --> 00:53:23,386
You can't rely on signs and signals.

1141
00:53:23,530 --> 00:53:25,978
You really do have to be forceful.

1142
00:53:26,026 --> 00:53:32,850
And with autistics, you sometimes have to make
the first move, because when you don't have

1143
00:53:32,882 --> 00:53:39,458
the ability necessarily to read people, it's
going to cause a lot of misconstrued

1144
00:53:39,506 --> 00:53:40,538
intentions.

1145
00:53:40,706 --> 00:53:44,100
So if you are someone, whether you're

1146
00:53:44,132 --> 00:53:52,084
neurodivergent or neurotypical, and you like
someone, don't fall into the defined gender

1147
00:53:52,124 --> 00:53:52,396
role.

1148
00:53:52,460 --> 00:53:54,740
Be the one who goes over and says, I would

1149
00:53:54,772 --> 00:53:58,544
like to spend time with you in a romantic
sense.

1150
00:53:59,164 --> 00:53:59,904
Right.

1151
00:54:00,324 --> 00:54:05,308
Leah: And do you think that autistics would be
open to that, because that is sort of the

1152
00:54:05,356 --> 00:54:07,944
opposite of what non autistic people would do.

1153
00:54:08,704 --> 00:54:16,104
Moshe: I would feel that an autistic person,
especially one who would be interested in a

1154
00:54:16,144 --> 00:54:20,400
romantic relationship, would be far more
likely to pursue one if they knew the

1155
00:54:20,432 --> 00:54:23,456
interests of a prospective partner.

1156
00:54:23,640 --> 00:54:26,816
They may not necessarily be quick to warm up.

1157
00:54:26,960 --> 00:54:33,192
There might need to be a lot of work in
learning how to coexist as a couple, even on a

1158
00:54:33,208 --> 00:54:33,804
date.

1159
00:54:34,644 --> 00:54:37,196
Autistic people are often very awkward, and

1160
00:54:37,220 --> 00:54:39,144
they misunderstand intentions.

1161
00:54:39,684 --> 00:54:41,556
So you have to be patient.

1162
00:54:41,620 --> 00:54:43,268
You have to be understanding.

1163
00:54:43,436 --> 00:54:45,132
You have to be someone, especially if you're

1164
00:54:45,148 --> 00:54:53,224
dating somebody who's autistic, you have to be
someone who is willing to work with them.

1165
00:54:53,524 --> 00:55:00,904
And in the end, you're going to end up with a
relationship that's very, you know, very

1166
00:55:00,984 --> 00:55:01,764
loyal.

1167
00:55:02,384 --> 00:55:05,536
Because I would say from experience, even

1168
00:55:05,560 --> 00:55:11,832
though I am just one autistic, that autistic
people don't necessarily have the concept of

1169
00:55:11,888 --> 00:55:15,724
duplicity or disloyalty.

1170
00:55:16,184 --> 00:55:20,604
And if you are someone that an autistic person

1171
00:55:20,984 --> 00:55:29,846
has come to trust and associate with safety
and security, then they're far less likely to

1172
00:55:29,950 --> 00:55:32,314
stray or want to be with anyone else.

1173
00:55:32,814 --> 00:55:36,874
Because a lot of the time, it's just too.

1174
00:55:38,174 --> 00:55:38,862
It's a lot.

1175
00:55:38,918 --> 00:55:39,994
Leah: It's too icky.

1176
00:55:42,574 --> 00:55:48,046
Moshe: Once you assign a role to somebody,
having to change your routine to be with

1177
00:55:48,070 --> 00:55:50,870
someone else is often very difficult.

1178
00:55:50,942 --> 00:55:54,070
Leah: And that's true because one of the
problems that you've had, though I wasn't any

1179
00:55:54,102 --> 00:55:58,964
the wiser, is that you assigned that role to
me very early, and then, for whatever reason,

1180
00:55:59,004 --> 00:56:00,944
tried to make things work with other people.

1181
00:56:01,324 --> 00:56:06,944
Moshe: Right. And I didn't know that it was
possible for me to give you a different role.

1182
00:56:07,324 --> 00:56:13,196
What I was really looking for was for you to
say, you know, we can be boyfriend and

1183
00:56:13,220 --> 00:56:14,624
girlfriend if you want.

1184
00:56:15,044 --> 00:56:17,020
And my answer would have been, really?

1185
00:56:17,212 --> 00:56:18,424
Then I want.

1186
00:56:19,124 --> 00:56:20,740
And that's how it would have gone.

1187
00:56:20,932 --> 00:56:24,400
Leah: Right. Well, I think that's all the
insight we have on that for now.

1188
00:56:24,432 --> 00:56:29,144
We're definitely going to be doing more
episodes about very specific things regarding

1189
00:56:29,224 --> 00:56:32,324
sex and sexuality, but we will let you know.

1190
00:56:32,664 --> 00:56:33,752
Moshe: Thank you for listening.

1191
00:56:33,848 --> 00:56:37,200
And again, rate comment and, like, share.

1192
00:56:37,312 --> 00:56:37,952
Leah: Download.

1193
00:56:38,048 --> 00:56:38,904
Moshe: Yeah, download.

1194
00:56:39,024 --> 00:56:44,084
Just spread far and wide and help us to spread

1195
00:56:44,664 --> 00:56:49,504
our message of coexistence and understanding
as far as you can.

1196
00:56:50,044 --> 00:56:51,224
Have a nice day.

1197
00:56:52,044 --> 00:56:53,860
Well, that's our show for today.

1198
00:56:54,012 --> 00:56:56,944
Now, you know, one autistic just a little bit
better.

1199
00:56:57,404 --> 00:57:03,604
So something you may not know about some
autistics is that we often struggle with

1200
00:57:03,644 --> 00:57:05,304
ending social interactions.

1201
00:57:05,724 --> 00:57:09,188
So, leah, all right, Moshe.

1202
00:57:09,236 --> 00:57:10,564
Leah: I'll take care of it.

1203
00:57:10,724 --> 00:57:13,004
Thank you for listening to now you know one

1204
00:57:13,044 --> 00:57:13,632
autistic.

1205
00:57:13,708 --> 00:57:14,424
See you next week.