Now You Know One Autistic! Podcast
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Moshe: Hi, I'm Moshe, and I'm autistic.
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Leah: I'm Leah, and I'm boring.
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Welcome to the now, you know, one autistic
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podcast.
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Moshe: The opinions expressed in this podcast
reflect one autistic and one layout and don't
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necessarily reflect the entire autistic
community.
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Leah: Let's get to it.
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Hi, Moshe.
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Moshe: Hi, Leah.
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Leah: How are you, Annie?
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Moshe: I'm great, thanks.
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Leah: So today we're going to do a spicy
episode.
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Moshe: Really?
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Leah: Yes.
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Moshe: That'll be fun.
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Leah: So we're doing a spicy episode which
should be listened to by people 18 or older.
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If you're a bit younger, you might get
something out of it, but you have to have
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somebody near you that you can ask questions
to.
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Moshe: And why are we making this episode a
spicy episode?
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Leah: Because we're talking about kind of
graphic sections.
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Moshe: I see.
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Leah: And not the whole time, but there's.
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Moshe: Some in there should be a lot of fun.
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And I mean, in terms of why we're doing an
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episode about sex when we're talking about
neurodivergency and autism and autistic adults
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and such, the reason for that is because when
we're discussing relationships in general,
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especially when it comes to neurodivergence
and neurotypicals and autistics, and on
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autistics, you really can't discuss
relationships sort of up to a certain point,
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and then just kind of leave it there.
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You have to go the next step.
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So we thought that discussing sex and sexual
ideas and feelings would be important.
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Leah: We'd always had a few episodes about
sex, intimacy, and different challenges
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planned.
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But I was doing research, and I found this
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really cool tool that I thought would be fun
for us to do together and for the listeners to
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actually hear, which is I actually found a
questionnaire that was used in a research
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project, and it was used in a research project
to see the difference between the emergence,
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emerging sexuality in older teenagers and
younger adults.
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And the sample happened to be people with ASD
versus people without ASD.
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Moshe: So it sort of compares the way that
people without ASD feel about certain concepts
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versus the way people with ASD feel.
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I don't know if we talked about, if we talked
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about this before we did this, but was this in
the opinion of the people who were giving the
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survey, was this like a good sample of people?
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Leah: It wasn't a huge sampling.
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It was about, I think, 100 to 150 people
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altogether.
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And there were definitely more neurotypical
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people who answered than autistic, but they
had a good sampling of autistics.
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If you talk about percentage wise, and they
did publish in terms of percentages.
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So it's good enough.
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Moshe: It's good enough.
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Leah: So it didn't say like ten out of ten
people.
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It says, this many percentage of autistics
feel this way.
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This many percentage of non autistics feel
this way.
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Moshe: Now, is this a scientific sample?
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Leah: It is, yeah, it is.
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It's a scientific study.
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Moshe: So, and just like the theme of the
podcast, now, you know, one autistic, as
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you'll see as we go through the questions,
certain things are like, right on the money
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when it comes to where I stand and where you
stand and where the average people with ASD
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would stand and where maybe neurotypicals
would stand.
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But some things are really off, because even
with scientific samples, there's always gonna
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be anomalies where certain people feel certain
ways about other things.
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Leah: Well, I thought it would be really fun
for me to ask you and then see how you compare
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to the ASD sample.
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Because for one, it's kind of interesting
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because these people are much younger than
you, so some things won't really apply.
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But you can answer based on how you felt that
time, if I can remember.
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And also, I feel like even amongst the
atypical, you're atypical.
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So let's see how in agreement you are with
these people.
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So let's start with question one.
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It's not a spicy one.
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We'll start flow.
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I rarely or sometimes socialize with people
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other than my family.
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Moshe: What was the option?
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Leah: It's just an agree disagree.
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Moshe: Oh, we disagree.
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Leah: Yeah.
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Moshe: So could you repeat the question?
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Leah: I rarely or sometimes socialize with
people other than my family.
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Moshe: Rarely or sometimes associate with
people socialized.
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Leah: Not associate, but socialize.
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Moshe: Logistically, I would say yes.
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Leah: Right?
That's right.
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On the money.
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45.6% of autistics agreed with that, whereas
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only 8.7% of non autistics agreed with that.
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That now we're moving into this is a
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subcategory called views about romantic
relationships.
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The first one is, I believe that being in a
long term relationship in the future is
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important.
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Moshe: At the time that I was the age of the
people who are taking the survey, I would
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definitely have said yes.
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Leah: And now you would probably also say yes.
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Moshe: I would hope so.
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Leah: Not necessarily so.
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That's pretty much an even spread.
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80.9% of autistics agreed with that, whereas
91.3% of non autistics agreed with that.
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So it was pretty high for both.
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The things that make up a good romantic
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relationship include that my significant other
and I, number one, get along.
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Yes, that is basically agreed upon by
everyone.
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Regularly speak with one another.
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Moshe: Yeah.
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Leah: 67.6% of autistics versus 82.7% of non
autistics.
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Moshe: That's interesting.
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So people with, you know, with autism are
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autistic.
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Leah: Like, 32% of autistic don't think it's
important to speak to their significant other.
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Moshe: It's interesting.
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I don't know how a relationship can be
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sustained without speaking.
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Maybe associating, maybe engaging in common
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interests without talking.
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I don't know.
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Leah: Or maybe the way they view speak is
different.
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Like, when they hear speak, maybe they mean
like a deep conversation, whereas a non
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autistic person might just take it as talking
to them.
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Spending a lot of time together.
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Moshe: Yes.
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Leah: 61.8% of autistics.
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44.3% of non autistic.
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So non autistics want to spend less time with
their person.
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That's also interesting.
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Moshe: It is interesting.
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I think the definition of a relationship might
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be the verbiage that was used.
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The people that want, like, a long term
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relationship would only assume that spending
time with the person would be necessary.
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Whereas non autistics may view a relationship
as something where they don't necessarily have
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to spend all of their time their.
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Leah: Partner, but it seems to be the other
way.
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Neither seems that it's that important to
them.
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But autistics actually agreed 20% more with
the fact that it's important to spend a lot of
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time together.
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Moshe: Interesting.
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Leah: Feeling emotionally close with each
other.
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Moshe: Yes.
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Leah: 67.6% of autistics.
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76.9% of non autistics.
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Moshe: Right.
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Leah: Kiss, hug, holding hands, etcetera.
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Moshe: Yes.
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Leah: That's interesting.
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Only 35.3% of autistics felt that way, whereas
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54.8% of non autistics felt that way.
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Moshe: It's still rather strange that, you
know, only 54% of non autistics felt that,
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like, kissing and hugging was necessary in.
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Leah: A long term relationship, engaging in
sexual behaviors together.
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Moshe: That question kind of confuses me a
little bit.
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Leah: We talked about that earlier, right.
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When you're in a romantic relationship, most
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people assume that it's going there.
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Moshe: So sexual behaviors.
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I mean, I would.
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I would have said yes, and I still say yes.
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Leah: Now, is it the term behavior that's
unclear?
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Moshe: Yes, because for me, there's a
distinction between sexual acts and sexual
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behaviors.
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And I think it's very subjective and it's a
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bit of an unclear question.
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Leah: Please enlighten me.
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Because to me, sexual behaviors and sexual
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acts are probably the same thing, but their
definition is like, I don't know, anything
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below the collarbone, or if you're underneath
clothes.
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I don't know.
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Moshe: So sexual behaviors, to me, sound very
much like acting in a way that would
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potentially lead to sex or sexual acts.
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Like flirting would be a sexual behavior.
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Leah: Interesting.
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Moshe: Touching the person, like, even in a
non sexual way, like on the shoulder or on the
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arm, depending on the context, could be seen
as a sexual behavior.
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Looking at someone intensely could be a sexual
behavior.
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To me, it's very much like the prelude to
engaging in a sexual act.
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Leah: Interesting. Wow. Trusting each other.
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Moshe: Absolutely.
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Leah: So 83.8% of autistics, 95.2% of non
autistics.
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That's not surprising.
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Trust is important in a relationship.
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Moshe: Trust is the foundation, as I keep
saying, trust.
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That this is the foundation of every
relationship.
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Leah: Are affectionate toward each other.
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Moshe: Again, that's a very subjective term to
me.
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Leah: What is hugging, kissing, holding hands?
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Moshe: Hugging, kissing, holding hands.
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I mean, obviously, yes, for me, then and now,
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because in my mind, a relationship that is
more than just friends, which is what the
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survey is about, would almost necessitate
affection for each other.
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Leah: It's 80% approximately for everyone.
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Moshe: Right.
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That's what you assessed?
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Leah: Yeah, of course.
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Somebody that.
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What do you say?
Like, when you're in elementary school, ooh,
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little Johnny and little Debbie were holding
hands.
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Like, that's, you know.
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Moshe: Right, right.
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Leah: Speak about our feelings and emotions to
each other.
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Moshe: That is a bit complex, but I would have
still said yes.
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But it's definitely much more.
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It's much more.
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We'll call it, like, 102 rather than 101.
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Relationship expectations.
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Leah: Fully 20% less autistic people thought
that was important than non autistic.
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Moshe: And I can see that, like, you know, how
hard it was for me to get to a point that was,
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you know, commonplace or regular or un, you
know, unprovoked on, un inquired about, for me
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to just spontaneously, that's what I'm looking
for, spontaneously share my feelings.
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Leah: We were friends forever.
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Moshe: We were.
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Leah: Had issues with it.
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Moshe: I still had difficulty sharing my
feelings, even to the present, like, certain
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times.
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It's not that I have a difficulty, it's that I
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don't always remember that I can or even
identify what those.
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Leah: Feelings are, what the feeling is going
on dates together.
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Moshe: So this one's a little bit interesting
for me, because then I would have said yes.
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Now I would say no.
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Leah: Right. But, I mean, we're in a committed
relationship.
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You can't date me every single day.
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Moshe: A date indicates that you're not in a
committed relationship necessarily, because
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when you're trying to enter into a long term
relationship, at least in my mind.
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Dating is kind of like an interview.
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It's kind of like an interview.
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It's kind of like taking your relationship on
the road almost, and seeing how it's like test
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driving a car.
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You don't know that you like the car if you
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don't, like, take it on a test drive or just
to see how it operates under certain
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circumstances.
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But when you own the car, you don't
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necessarily always have to, like, take it for
a joyride around the block to know that you
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like that car.
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Leah: Exactly. Well, I mean, we've had date
nights when we haven't been this busy.
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We're too busy now even to do that.
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Yes, but you can't date somebody every day
237
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that you're married to.
238
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Moshe: Every day is a date.
239
00:12:18,152 --> 00:12:19,680
Especially if you're, if you're at the stage
240
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where you're living together.
241
00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:24,480
Or of course, if you're married, you're like,
242
00:12:24,552 --> 00:12:25,248
what is.
243
00:12:25,336 --> 00:12:26,696
What even is a date anymore?
244
00:12:26,760 --> 00:12:27,912
When I. When I wake up, I mean, you.
245
00:12:27,928 --> 00:12:30,136
Leah: Make me coffee, and we sit and we have
coffee.
246
00:12:30,200 --> 00:12:31,176
Moshe: We have coffee in the morning.
247
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That's a date.
248
00:12:31,880 --> 00:12:33,864
When we, you know, when.
249
00:12:33,904 --> 00:12:35,760
When I get the kids ready for school, back
250
00:12:35,792 --> 00:12:38,896
when you were, like, participating in that,
that was like a date.
251
00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:42,256
Like, get the kids ready for school, and then
we would sit and have breakfast together.
252
00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:43,224
That was a date.
253
00:12:43,344 --> 00:12:46,456
When we go grocery shopping, that's a date.
254
00:12:46,560 --> 00:12:50,016
Certain, like, there are dates where you're
going grocery shopping.
255
00:12:50,080 --> 00:12:53,996
I mean, you can say that they're boring, a
little bit more mature, but.
256
00:12:54,020 --> 00:12:56,364
Leah: Like, I always turn it into fun.
257
00:12:56,404 --> 00:12:58,028
We usually go and get, again, a coffee.
258
00:12:58,076 --> 00:13:00,252
You'll notice that Moshe and I are big coffee
people.
259
00:13:00,428 --> 00:13:01,108
We sit down.
260
00:13:01,156 --> 00:13:02,624
Moshe: The jewish beverage of choice.
261
00:13:03,564 --> 00:13:04,988
But yes, everything is a date.
262
00:13:05,036 --> 00:13:07,224
Every moment that we spend together is a date.
263
00:13:07,524 --> 00:13:09,788
Recording this episode is a date.
264
00:13:09,836 --> 00:13:11,220
Leah: Yes, we're currently holding hands.
265
00:13:11,252 --> 00:13:12,596
For those of you who are interested.
266
00:13:12,620 --> 00:13:14,356
Moshe: In knowing, yes, this is a date.
267
00:13:14,500 --> 00:13:16,196
Every time that we spend together is a date.
268
00:13:16,220 --> 00:13:17,020
So we don't have to go.
269
00:13:17,052 --> 00:13:17,692
Okay.
270
00:13:17,828 --> 00:13:18,980
We need to go on a date.
271
00:13:19,052 --> 00:13:20,124
Leah: Okay. We're getting off track.
272
00:13:20,164 --> 00:13:21,308
This is like the dishes.
273
00:13:21,436 --> 00:13:23,428
When we talked about dishes for 45 minutes.
274
00:13:23,516 --> 00:13:27,772
Moshe: Yes. If you're lucky, we might release
that to the general public.
275
00:13:27,908 --> 00:13:28,780
Leah: It's pretty funny.
276
00:13:28,852 --> 00:13:30,476
We talked about how we couldn't get our
277
00:13:30,500 --> 00:13:32,476
daughter to do the dishes for about 45
minutes.
278
00:13:32,500 --> 00:13:34,824
Moshe: We just discussed dishes for, like, 45
minutes.
279
00:13:35,364 --> 00:13:39,284
Leah: Anyway, so going on dates together, it
was a pretty even spread with it not being
280
00:13:39,324 --> 00:13:41,532
that, like, important to people, actually.
281
00:13:41,708 --> 00:13:45,924
So 58% of autistic, 64% of non autistic having
282
00:13:45,964 --> 00:13:47,544
the exact same interests.
283
00:13:48,114 --> 00:13:53,114
Moshe: I would say no then and now.
284
00:13:53,274 --> 00:13:54,694
Leah: You are not typical.
285
00:13:55,034 --> 00:13:56,890
Far more autistics thought that that was
286
00:13:56,922 --> 00:13:58,274
important than non autistics.
287
00:13:58,394 --> 00:13:59,546
So it was.
288
00:13:59,690 --> 00:14:04,514
64.7% of autistics said that you have to have
the exact same interest as your partner,
289
00:14:04,634 --> 00:14:07,266
whereas only 37% of non autistic said that.
290
00:14:07,290 --> 00:14:09,330
And that's not surprising, knowing the
291
00:14:09,362 --> 00:14:10,202
stereotype.
292
00:14:10,298 --> 00:14:11,454
Moshe: Right, right.
293
00:14:13,134 --> 00:14:15,734
Was a very self aware autistic.
294
00:14:15,894 --> 00:14:19,038
Leah: And I think you also just didn't like
your interests that much.
295
00:14:19,126 --> 00:14:22,198
Moshe: My interests were interesting, for lack
of a better word.
296
00:14:22,326 --> 00:14:29,574
But you see, the point is I always like being
introduced to other things that I wouldn't
297
00:14:29,614 --> 00:14:32,646
normally have done when I spent time with you.
298
00:14:32,670 --> 00:14:34,782
When we were children, I would do things that
299
00:14:34,838 --> 00:14:37,070
I wouldn't like normally do on my own.
300
00:14:37,222 --> 00:14:39,826
But they were fun, firstly because they were
301
00:14:39,850 --> 00:14:45,114
with you, and secondly because I wouldn't have
thought about doing them otherwise.
302
00:14:45,154 --> 00:14:47,082
And I discovered that I actually kind of liked
them.
303
00:14:47,138 --> 00:14:47,442
Leah: Yeah.
304
00:14:47,498 --> 00:14:51,066
Moshe: Because if left to my own devices, I
just kind of did my own thing.
305
00:14:51,090 --> 00:14:54,650
That was like a hamster running in a wheel and
I need to sort of get out there.
306
00:14:54,682 --> 00:14:55,914
Leah: And you're also pigeonholed.
307
00:14:55,954 --> 00:14:57,610
Everybody was like, how do we keep him busy?
308
00:14:57,642 --> 00:14:58,162
He's a boy.
309
00:14:58,218 --> 00:14:58,826
Video games.
310
00:14:58,890 --> 00:15:00,658
And that lasted until an adult.
311
00:15:00,706 --> 00:15:02,378
And I don't even think you liked it that much,
312
00:15:02,426 --> 00:15:03,154
truthfully.
313
00:15:03,274 --> 00:15:03,650
Moshe: It was.
314
00:15:03,682 --> 00:15:04,770
It was an expectation.
315
00:15:04,842 --> 00:15:05,978
Oh, you know, he's a boy.
316
00:15:06,026 --> 00:15:07,202
He plays video games.
317
00:15:07,338 --> 00:15:08,658
Oh, he seems pretty smart.
318
00:15:08,706 --> 00:15:11,346
We should teach him about computers and stuff.
319
00:15:11,530 --> 00:15:15,258
And I was like, all right, I guess I'll do the
stereotype for a while.
320
00:15:15,346 --> 00:15:17,402
Leah: Yeah, but that's what I mean by your
interest.
321
00:15:17,458 --> 00:15:18,938
Didn't really interest you that much.
322
00:15:19,066 --> 00:15:20,410
Some did like politics.
323
00:15:20,482 --> 00:15:23,386
Back in Canada, you were into politics, and
that was really interesting for you.
324
00:15:23,410 --> 00:15:28,058
And you actually involved me in that, but it
wasn't like a deal breaker that didn't come to
325
00:15:28,146 --> 00:15:29,218
relationship with them.
326
00:15:29,306 --> 00:15:29,934
Moshe: Right.
327
00:15:30,834 --> 00:15:33,734
Leah: Do nice things for each other so that
it's fair.
328
00:15:34,524 --> 00:15:38,772
Moshe: When we discussed this questionnaire
before, I really didn't like the end of that
329
00:15:38,908 --> 00:15:39,584
statement.
330
00:15:39,884 --> 00:15:41,388
Do nice things for each other.
331
00:15:41,476 --> 00:15:42,164
Absolutely.
332
00:15:42,204 --> 00:15:43,384
So that it's fair.
333
00:15:43,764 --> 00:15:46,564
Leah: Like, relationships are never fair.
334
00:15:46,724 --> 00:15:49,012
As you've mentioned, you almost exclusively
335
00:15:49,068 --> 00:15:50,148
prepare the kids for school.
336
00:15:50,196 --> 00:15:50,428
Now.
337
00:15:50,476 --> 00:15:53,084
Why?
Because he's an early riser and I hate getting
338
00:15:53,124 --> 00:15:54,276
up early in the morning.
339
00:15:54,460 --> 00:15:56,500
That's not fair per se.
340
00:15:56,692 --> 00:16:04,600
Moshe: But at work, the relationship dynamic
stereotypically talks a lot about fairness.
341
00:16:04,672 --> 00:16:05,520
Oh, you know the couple.
342
00:16:05,552 --> 00:16:07,044
You have to be fair to each other.
343
00:16:07,544 --> 00:16:15,616
Yes, but also no, because the best kinds of
relationships are where there are offsetting
344
00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:18,044
each other's interests.
345
00:16:18,904 --> 00:16:21,216
It's sort of like to use an example.
346
00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:24,424
You don't mind washing the dishes?
I don't mind drawing the dishes.
347
00:16:24,544 --> 00:16:27,486
You don't mind, you know, getting the kids
from school?
348
00:16:27,550 --> 00:16:29,142
I don't mind getting the kids to school.
349
00:16:29,198 --> 00:16:29,734
Leah: Exactly.
350
00:16:29,814 --> 00:16:34,914
Moshe: So we're both, you know, doing things
that are within our wheelhouse.
351
00:16:35,294 --> 00:16:35,814
Is it.
352
00:16:35,854 --> 00:16:39,014
Is it fair that I always have to get the kids
353
00:16:39,054 --> 00:16:40,926
ready for school?
No, not fair.
354
00:16:40,990 --> 00:16:43,270
Leah: I almost exclusively get him from the
bus.
355
00:16:43,342 --> 00:16:44,230
Moshe: But I don't mind.
356
00:16:44,302 --> 00:16:45,142
Leah: Exactly.
357
00:16:45,318 --> 00:16:52,466
Moshe: See, something being not fair doesn't
necessarily mean it's bad, because certain
358
00:16:52,530 --> 00:16:57,374
things are more reasonable for others.
359
00:16:57,754 --> 00:17:00,210
You're a better cook than I am, but I can
360
00:17:00,242 --> 00:17:00,730
still cook.
361
00:17:00,802 --> 00:17:01,814
Leah: You're a good cook.
362
00:17:02,434 --> 00:17:04,786
You don't have a great big repertoire, but
363
00:17:04,810 --> 00:17:05,250
you're good.
364
00:17:05,322 --> 00:17:07,066
Moshe: But I would say that you're a better
cook.
365
00:17:07,250 --> 00:17:12,754
So expecting you to do all the cooking would
be unfair.
366
00:17:12,914 --> 00:17:14,074
Leah: But it's natural.
367
00:17:14,114 --> 00:17:15,666
It's a thing that happens most of the time
368
00:17:15,690 --> 00:17:19,502
when I'm available, because people like
variety in it that you do.
369
00:17:19,518 --> 00:17:21,654
Moshe: But if you're like, you know what?
I don't feel like cooking today.
370
00:17:21,734 --> 00:17:24,194
Tomorrow you're going to cook, I'd be like,
sure, I'll cook.
371
00:17:24,654 --> 00:17:29,126
Hopefully you like very simple things because
that's basically all I can do.
372
00:17:29,270 --> 00:17:33,014
But I do it well and I don't mind doing it and
I certainly don't complain about it.
373
00:17:33,174 --> 00:17:35,614
Leah: Looks after me and provides for me.
374
00:17:35,694 --> 00:17:38,030
Oh, by the way, that one people found it more
375
00:17:38,062 --> 00:17:39,070
important than you would think.
376
00:17:39,102 --> 00:17:42,134
It was about a 70% spread between all
377
00:17:42,174 --> 00:17:43,594
functionality types.
378
00:17:44,154 --> 00:17:46,214
Looks after me and provides for me.
379
00:17:46,514 --> 00:17:48,154
Moshe: I would say, yes, absolutely.
380
00:17:48,234 --> 00:17:49,706
Leah: 73% of autistics.
381
00:17:49,770 --> 00:17:54,002
83% of non autistics I look after and provide
382
00:17:54,098 --> 00:17:55,730
for my significant other.
383
00:17:55,922 --> 00:17:58,706
Yes, it's almost the exact same spread.
384
00:17:58,850 --> 00:18:00,534
So at least they were fair there.
385
00:18:00,954 --> 00:18:04,010
Have open and honest conversations with each
386
00:18:04,042 --> 00:18:04,614
other.
387
00:18:05,514 --> 00:18:13,422
Moshe: See, for me, I would say, yeah, but I
would struggle to know what an open and honest
388
00:18:13,478 --> 00:18:14,774
conversation would look.
389
00:18:14,814 --> 00:18:20,674
Leah: Like back then, now or always back then,
for sure.
390
00:18:21,214 --> 00:18:24,982
Moshe: Until, I don't know, the last year or
so.
391
00:18:25,158 --> 00:18:26,246
Even still.
392
00:18:26,390 --> 00:18:29,702
Leah: Yeah. Because honest just means you're
telling things that are true, not what you
393
00:18:29,718 --> 00:18:31,754
think the other person wants to hear or
whatever.
394
00:18:32,054 --> 00:18:32,822
Moshe: Exactly.
395
00:18:32,878 --> 00:18:34,070
And that's the point.
396
00:18:34,262 --> 00:18:39,574
Open and honest conversations could sometimes
be disagreements.
397
00:18:40,034 --> 00:18:46,234
I am actually very unhappy with the way you do
this, or it makes me uncomfortable when you
398
00:18:46,314 --> 00:18:47,218
act in this way.
399
00:18:47,306 --> 00:18:48,858
That's an open and honest conversation.
400
00:18:48,906 --> 00:18:50,922
It's not necessarily a very pleasant one.
401
00:18:50,978 --> 00:18:51,466
Leah: Exactly.
402
00:18:51,530 --> 00:18:53,346
Moshe: But it's definitely an open and honest
one.
403
00:18:53,410 --> 00:18:54,986
Leah: Exactly. All right.
404
00:18:55,010 --> 00:18:57,050
So we're now moving on to sexual interests and
405
00:18:57,082 --> 00:18:57,978
desires.
406
00:18:58,146 --> 00:19:01,050
This part, I believe, was not shocking for us.
407
00:19:01,082 --> 00:19:06,670
We understood, but might be shocking to the
general public in terms of how interested
408
00:19:06,702 --> 00:19:10,102
autistic people actually are in sex and sexual
relationships.
409
00:19:10,198 --> 00:19:11,134
Moshe: Yes. Because you.
410
00:19:11,174 --> 00:19:14,006
You look at these stereotypes.
411
00:19:14,030 --> 00:19:15,070
You look at these stereotypes.
412
00:19:15,102 --> 00:19:16,638
If you're, like watching the good doctor,
413
00:19:16,686 --> 00:19:18,190
you're watching Sheldon Cooper.
414
00:19:18,262 --> 00:19:21,038
Leah: Actually, the good doctor was very
sexual.
415
00:19:21,086 --> 00:19:23,766
Moshe: With his girlfriend, but not initially.
416
00:19:23,910 --> 00:19:25,950
Initially, there was a lot of difficulty
417
00:19:25,982 --> 00:19:26,270
there.
418
00:19:26,342 --> 00:19:27,086
Leah: True enough.
419
00:19:27,230 --> 00:19:29,358
And of course, there was more planning thing,
420
00:19:29,526 --> 00:19:31,634
honestly, was kind of your problem, too.
421
00:19:31,964 --> 00:19:37,132
Moshe: And the proximity and the bodily
contact and presence of various textures.
422
00:19:37,228 --> 00:19:38,308
It's a whole thing.
423
00:19:38,476 --> 00:19:41,604
So stereotypically, when you think about
424
00:19:41,684 --> 00:19:45,024
neurodivergence or people with autism or
autistics.
425
00:19:45,644 --> 00:19:50,116
We're going to do a show, by the way, on the
difference between autistics and people with
426
00:19:50,140 --> 00:19:51,836
autism and what's good.
427
00:19:51,860 --> 00:19:54,204
Leah: And bad, the politically correctness of
that.
428
00:19:54,244 --> 00:19:56,984
Moshe: Yeah, but we're going to use those
terms interchangeably.
429
00:19:57,444 --> 00:20:01,010
If one of them is offensive, I'm sorry, feel
free to comment.
430
00:20:01,162 --> 00:20:08,874
But the stereotype for sure is that autistics
are not that interested in sex.
431
00:20:08,954 --> 00:20:11,146
Leah: Yeah, it's a stereotype, but it's not
true.
432
00:20:11,250 --> 00:20:11,818
Moshe: Not at all.
433
00:20:11,866 --> 00:20:15,706
Leah: Not in our experience, not in a lot of
people's experience, and not according to the
434
00:20:15,730 --> 00:20:16,410
study either.
435
00:20:16,482 --> 00:20:18,514
So let's go through this part for sure.
436
00:20:18,634 --> 00:20:21,494
I would like to have a significant other in
the near future.
437
00:20:22,114 --> 00:20:24,742
Moshe: Back then, I would definitely have said
yes.
438
00:20:24,938 --> 00:20:28,510
Leah: So that's 77.9% and 88.5%.
439
00:20:28,702 --> 00:20:30,634
So, hi.
440
00:20:31,054 --> 00:20:34,834
I am or have been sexually attracted towards
someone.
441
00:20:35,334 --> 00:20:36,190
Moshe: Yeah.
442
00:20:36,382 --> 00:20:42,438
Leah: So it's interesting because 96.2% of non
autistic people said yes, which is what you
443
00:20:42,446 --> 00:20:43,194
would expect.
444
00:20:43,774 --> 00:20:45,982
And it's far fewer, but it's more than people
445
00:20:46,038 --> 00:20:46,350
think.
446
00:20:46,422 --> 00:20:49,598
67.6% of autistics, and keep in mind, young
447
00:20:49,646 --> 00:20:50,276
autistics, say.
448
00:20:50,310 --> 00:20:53,328
Said that they are or had been sexually
449
00:20:53,376 --> 00:20:54,696
attracted to somebody.
450
00:20:54,880 --> 00:21:00,864
Moshe: So it's not a huge number, but it's
definitely, I would say the vast majority,
451
00:21:01,024 --> 00:21:06,952
almost seven out of ten autistics who answered
that said that they had.
452
00:21:07,128 --> 00:21:16,018
So sexual desire is not something that is
absent when you're neurodivergent.
453
00:21:16,176 --> 00:21:17,510
It may be misplaced.
454
00:21:17,622 --> 00:21:18,934
It may be confusing.
455
00:21:19,054 --> 00:21:24,766
I know for me especially, I had a lot of
trouble understanding that I felt it, but I
456
00:21:24,790 --> 00:21:26,878
also knew that I felt it.
457
00:21:27,046 --> 00:21:29,194
I just didn't always know what it felt like.
458
00:21:29,534 --> 00:21:31,234
So it was a bit interesting.
459
00:21:31,574 --> 00:21:33,674
Leah: I would like to have sex with others.
460
00:21:34,454 --> 00:21:37,354
Moshe: At the time, I definitely would have
said yes.
461
00:21:37,694 --> 00:21:40,950
Now I would certainly say yes.
462
00:21:41,142 --> 00:21:41,896
Right.
463
00:21:42,070 --> 00:21:46,412
Leah: So again, it's basically the same
spread, but more than you might think.
464
00:21:46,468 --> 00:21:49,236
94.2% of non autistics.
465
00:21:49,380 --> 00:21:50,540
Not surprising.
466
00:21:50,732 --> 00:21:53,784
67.6% of autistics felt that way.
467
00:21:54,644 --> 00:21:56,916
I want to be in a sexual relationship with
468
00:21:56,940 --> 00:21:57,864
another person.
469
00:21:58,644 --> 00:22:01,100
Moshe: So what's a sexual relationship?
470
00:22:01,252 --> 00:22:03,784
Leah: I think it's a relationship that
includes sex.
471
00:22:04,204 --> 00:22:09,306
So having sex with another person could be a
friend you're having sex with or somebody you
472
00:22:09,330 --> 00:22:10,694
have sex with one time.
473
00:22:11,194 --> 00:22:13,234
When they're referring to sexual relationship,
474
00:22:13,274 --> 00:22:16,730
I think they mean like a regular boyfriend
girlfriend relationship or girlfriend
475
00:22:16,762 --> 00:22:19,314
girlfriend boyfriend boyfriend relationship
where you have sex.
476
00:22:19,474 --> 00:22:24,050
Moshe: See, if I heard that question posed to
me, I would instantly think that it meant a
477
00:22:24,082 --> 00:22:27,094
relationship that was entirely based on sex
and nothing.
478
00:22:27,394 --> 00:22:29,778
So I would have said at the time, no.
479
00:22:29,946 --> 00:22:30,722
Leah: Correct.
480
00:22:30,898 --> 00:22:37,486
Moshe: But now, knowing that your explanation
is most likely what they meant, I would have
481
00:22:37,510 --> 00:22:38,294
said yes.
482
00:22:38,454 --> 00:22:42,974
Leah: And the vagueness of the question shows
in the answer, because 85% of non autistic
483
00:22:43,014 --> 00:22:47,118
said yes, and 60% of autistics said yes.
484
00:22:47,286 --> 00:22:47,734
Moshe: Right.
485
00:22:47,814 --> 00:22:50,334
Leah: I think that I will be in a sexual
relationship in the future.
486
00:22:50,374 --> 00:22:54,254
And just so you know, Moshe doesn't see these
answers, by the way he's answering honestly.
487
00:22:54,414 --> 00:22:56,622
I'm the one who has the numbers in front of
me.
488
00:22:56,638 --> 00:22:57,674
He doesn't see them.
489
00:22:58,694 --> 00:22:59,878
Moshe: Could you repeat the question?
490
00:22:59,966 --> 00:23:02,994
Leah: I think that I will be in a sexual
relationship in the future.
491
00:23:03,304 --> 00:23:05,244
Kind of not applicable to you, but.
492
00:23:05,984 --> 00:23:07,608
Moshe: It'S not applicable now.
493
00:23:07,776 --> 00:23:09,800
You know, several children later.
494
00:23:09,992 --> 00:23:20,176
But at the time, I. At the time, I would have
said yes, tentatively, hopefully, but probably
495
00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:21,924
doubting that it would happen.
496
00:23:22,264 --> 00:23:23,312
Leah: You're not the norm.
497
00:23:23,368 --> 00:23:25,648
88% of autistics said they think they will be
498
00:23:25,656 --> 00:23:27,720
in a sexual relationship in the future.
499
00:23:27,912 --> 00:23:29,552
Where's 97% of them?
500
00:23:29,608 --> 00:23:33,808
Non autistics?
My level of interest in sex and sexual topics
501
00:23:33,856 --> 00:23:36,964
is about the same or more than other people my
age.
502
00:23:37,304 --> 00:23:39,760
No, you're absolutely correct.
503
00:23:39,872 --> 00:23:41,656
91% of non autistic.
504
00:23:41,720 --> 00:23:44,960
60% of autistics are still high, though.
505
00:23:45,152 --> 00:23:47,040
Like six out of ten, it's still high.
506
00:23:47,192 --> 00:23:48,216
Moshe: That is pretty good.
507
00:23:48,320 --> 00:23:54,928
Leah: Almost every neurotypical person said, I
never or rarely think about sex and sexual
508
00:23:54,976 --> 00:23:55,884
behaviors.
509
00:23:56,264 --> 00:23:57,004
Moshe: No.
510
00:23:57,384 --> 00:24:00,656
Leah: Almost no non autistics answered that
one.
511
00:24:00,680 --> 00:24:02,200
It's less than 10%.
512
00:24:02,392 --> 00:24:04,224
And autistics were slightly higher with almost
513
00:24:04,264 --> 00:24:05,164
30%.
514
00:24:05,824 --> 00:24:08,376
Now this is a. During the last month thing,
515
00:24:08,560 --> 00:24:13,768
during the last month, I have visited a
website devoted to sexual education at least
516
00:24:13,816 --> 00:24:14,764
once a week.
517
00:24:16,264 --> 00:24:18,696
Moshe: At the time I would have said yes.
518
00:24:18,800 --> 00:24:22,640
Leah: I'm probably more likely to say yes to
that now because of all the research I'm
519
00:24:22,672 --> 00:24:23,244
doing.
520
00:24:23,774 --> 00:24:27,274
Moshe: But now, I would obviously say, no,
it's very low.
521
00:24:28,094 --> 00:24:29,142
Leah: Literally zero.
522
00:24:29,238 --> 00:24:30,486
Non autistic said so.
523
00:24:30,550 --> 00:24:33,394
And 6% of autistics said so.
524
00:24:33,694 --> 00:24:36,126
I chatted with someone on a dating website at
525
00:24:36,150 --> 00:24:37,314
least once a week.
526
00:24:38,334 --> 00:24:40,526
No, it's also very low.
527
00:24:40,590 --> 00:24:43,674
7.4 for autistics, 3.8 for non.
528
00:24:43,974 --> 00:24:47,142
I watch pornographic or explicitly sexual
529
00:24:47,238 --> 00:24:50,784
photos or videos at least once a week at the
time.
530
00:24:50,864 --> 00:24:51,524
Moshe: Yes.
531
00:24:51,984 --> 00:24:55,992
Leah: Those who would admit it, it was
actually approximately the same.
532
00:24:56,048 --> 00:24:57,104
30 and 31.
533
00:24:57,184 --> 00:24:57,804
Moshe: Right.
534
00:24:58,104 --> 00:25:02,088
Leah: I think that less non autistic people
admitted it.
535
00:25:02,216 --> 00:25:03,712
I think it's probably higher.
536
00:25:03,888 --> 00:25:05,840
I feel like the autistics are probably more
537
00:25:05,872 --> 00:25:06,720
honest about that.
538
00:25:06,792 --> 00:25:08,084
Moshe: I would think so, yes.
539
00:25:08,384 --> 00:25:13,484
Leah: I masturbated while watching
pornographic material at least once a week.
540
00:25:14,744 --> 00:25:15,524
Moshe: Yes.
541
00:25:16,074 --> 00:25:17,402
Leah: I mean, you should be specific.
542
00:25:17,458 --> 00:25:17,738
Yes.
543
00:25:17,786 --> 00:25:18,666
Then not now.
544
00:25:18,730 --> 00:25:19,122
Right?
545
00:25:19,218 --> 00:25:19,770
Correct.
546
00:25:19,882 --> 00:25:21,734
I don't want people writing to me.
547
00:25:23,034 --> 00:25:27,418
Moshe: No. Now I don't have any need for it.
548
00:25:27,586 --> 00:25:30,210
Leah: That's also a pretty even spread, about
30%.
549
00:25:30,402 --> 00:25:33,618
And again, I suspect less non autistics
admitted it.
550
00:25:33,706 --> 00:25:34,414
Moshe: Yes.
551
00:25:35,234 --> 00:25:37,574
Leah: Sexual strategies and motivations.
552
00:25:38,034 --> 00:25:41,130
If I wanted to have casual sex, having sex
553
00:25:41,162 --> 00:25:45,426
with someone without being in a couple or
engaged in a long term romantic relationship,
554
00:25:45,490 --> 00:25:46,294
I would.
555
00:25:46,594 --> 00:25:48,494
And the first one is kiss them.
556
00:25:48,994 --> 00:25:52,614
Moshe: So casual sex, no actual connection.
557
00:25:54,074 --> 00:25:55,414
Leah: I would kiss them.
558
00:25:55,914 --> 00:25:57,330
Moshe: I would have said yes.
559
00:25:57,522 --> 00:26:01,162
Leah: That's 30, 30, 30, 35. It's not high.
560
00:26:01,338 --> 00:26:02,454
Talk to them.
561
00:26:03,114 --> 00:26:08,054
Moshe: I mean, unless you're only up with deaf
people.
562
00:26:08,734 --> 00:26:09,966
Leah: Yeah. This is a weird.
563
00:26:10,030 --> 00:26:10,670
I don't know how.
564
00:26:10,702 --> 00:26:12,470
Moshe: You don't know how you can possibly.
565
00:26:12,542 --> 00:26:13,974
Leah: Get to the sex part with sign.
566
00:26:14,014 --> 00:26:20,518
Moshe: Language, smoke signals, maybe write
them a note, you know, play a. Play a boombox
567
00:26:20,566 --> 00:26:21,798
outside their bedroom window.
568
00:26:21,846 --> 00:26:23,154
I don't know, like something.
569
00:26:23,614 --> 00:26:25,438
How do you do it without talking?
That is.
570
00:26:25,486 --> 00:26:26,414
That is something that I.
571
00:26:26,454 --> 00:26:30,870
Leah: So this actually interested me because
more autistics said that it's important to
572
00:26:30,902 --> 00:26:33,302
talk to their hookups than non autistics.
573
00:26:33,398 --> 00:26:37,032
Moshe: That completely tracks with what I see.
574
00:26:37,128 --> 00:26:40,144
I found it interesting because the stereotype.
575
00:26:40,264 --> 00:26:43,144
Leah: Would be fully 10% more, actually.
576
00:26:43,264 --> 00:26:43,520
Yes.
577
00:26:43,552 --> 00:26:46,872
Because 63 versus 73, because the expectation.
578
00:26:47,048 --> 00:26:50,104
Moshe: With a non autistic would be, this is a
hookup.
579
00:26:50,144 --> 00:26:52,080
We don't really need to make that connection.
580
00:26:52,272 --> 00:26:54,504
Whereas if you're an autistic, you have
581
00:26:54,544 --> 00:26:57,924
certain behaviors that you expect to be part
of the process.
582
00:26:58,424 --> 00:27:07,864
And it is one of those things where it's like,
I would like to hook up with you.
583
00:27:08,164 --> 00:27:08,828
All right.
584
00:27:08,916 --> 00:27:12,860
How, you know, how would you like to.
585
00:27:13,012 --> 00:27:16,044
Would you like to, what would you like to talk
about?
586
00:27:16,084 --> 00:27:20,144
Would you like to get something to eat?
Would you like to spend time together?
587
00:27:20,484 --> 00:27:23,668
And they're like, no, you just swipe me on
Tinder.
588
00:27:23,716 --> 00:27:26,984
Let's do it in part ways, right?
589
00:27:27,504 --> 00:27:30,684
Leah: Try to have the same interests as them.
590
00:27:31,024 --> 00:27:33,200
Remember, this is for a casual hookup.
591
00:27:33,352 --> 00:27:38,444
Moshe: Again, for an autistic, that would just
seem to be the norm.
592
00:27:38,944 --> 00:27:44,168
But I can see that it would not be the norm if
you're just trying to do casual.
593
00:27:44,256 --> 00:27:44,872
Leah: You're right.
594
00:27:44,928 --> 00:27:46,752
It's statistically significant.
595
00:27:46,928 --> 00:27:47,644
Actually.
596
00:27:48,144 --> 00:27:51,192
Less than 10% of non autistics think that you
597
00:27:51,208 --> 00:27:53,300
should have the same interest as a hookup.
598
00:27:53,472 --> 00:27:56,732
33.8% of autistics think that you should have
599
00:27:56,748 --> 00:27:58,228
the same interest as a hookup.
600
00:27:58,396 --> 00:27:59,060
Moshe: Right.
601
00:27:59,212 --> 00:28:01,264
Because it comes with, like, trust.
602
00:28:01,644 --> 00:28:05,516
Why would you be intimate with someone that
you don't have anything in common with?
603
00:28:05,540 --> 00:28:06,884
It doesn't make any sense.
604
00:28:07,044 --> 00:28:08,664
Leah: Give them something nice.
605
00:28:09,164 --> 00:28:11,024
Moshe: Again, I would have said yes.
606
00:28:11,324 --> 00:28:12,484
Leah: That tracks as well.
607
00:28:12,524 --> 00:28:15,476
Less than 10% of non autistics and 32% of
608
00:28:15,500 --> 00:28:16,036
autistics.
609
00:28:16,100 --> 00:28:16,748
Moshe: Yeah.
610
00:28:16,916 --> 00:28:18,332
Leah: Sit next to them.
611
00:28:18,508 --> 00:28:20,348
Again, I don't know how you're putting your
612
00:28:20,396 --> 00:28:22,660
private parts together if you don't even sit
next to them.
613
00:28:22,692 --> 00:28:25,070
Moshe: But I mean, I suppose a question.
614
00:28:25,142 --> 00:28:26,750
We could, like, sit across the room from each
615
00:28:26,782 --> 00:28:29,234
other and then, like, jump on each other or
something.
616
00:28:29,814 --> 00:28:31,182
But I mean, obviously I would.
617
00:28:31,238 --> 00:28:32,394
I would have said yes.
618
00:28:32,694 --> 00:28:38,714
Leah: So that's a weird question and also,
like a strange answer, because it's like 34%
619
00:28:39,014 --> 00:28:44,714
for non autistics and 44% for autistics watch
them almost all of the time.
620
00:28:45,454 --> 00:28:48,674
Moshe: So I would say no, because that's
creepy.
621
00:28:48,994 --> 00:28:53,138
Leah: So it's low, but it's lower for
autistics, which is surprising because a lot
622
00:28:53,146 --> 00:28:56,034
of autistics get in trouble for staring and
looking and stuff.
623
00:28:56,194 --> 00:28:59,778
So 23% of non 14% of autistics.
624
00:28:59,906 --> 00:29:00,578
Moshe: Right.
625
00:29:00,746 --> 00:29:02,614
Leah: Tease them to get their attention.
626
00:29:03,634 --> 00:29:07,814
Moshe: The idea of teasing someone to get
their attention, I don't really understand.
627
00:29:08,514 --> 00:29:09,698
Leah: That also tracks here.
628
00:29:09,746 --> 00:29:12,882
So 46% of non autistics would say they would,
629
00:29:13,018 --> 00:29:19,234
and only 22% of autistics say they would try
to be around them almost all of the time.
630
00:29:20,094 --> 00:29:26,510
Moshe: See, for a casual hookup, I wouldn't
say yes, but I can understand why that
631
00:29:26,542 --> 00:29:28,062
wouldn't make a lot of sense.
632
00:29:28,238 --> 00:29:30,118
Leah: It's about 20% across the board.
633
00:29:30,166 --> 00:29:31,594
Nobody thought it was important.
634
00:29:32,134 --> 00:29:33,634
Ask them on a date.
635
00:29:34,054 --> 00:29:34,758
Moshe: Yeah.
636
00:29:34,886 --> 00:29:39,314
Leah: About 50 50. Tell others that I like the
person.
637
00:29:40,374 --> 00:29:42,396
Moshe: I wouldn't tell it others that I would
like.
638
00:29:42,510 --> 00:29:44,208
Leah: No, it's only about 20%.
639
00:29:44,256 --> 00:29:46,360
And it's an even spread between the two.
640
00:29:46,552 --> 00:29:49,604
Tell them things about me that I think the
other person would like.
641
00:29:50,904 --> 00:29:58,744
Moshe: I would have probably said no to that
just because I never really liked to talk
642
00:29:58,784 --> 00:30:01,376
about my feelings with other people.
643
00:30:01,560 --> 00:30:04,616
I never understood it because the time that I
644
00:30:04,640 --> 00:30:08,924
have shared my feelings with other people,
they typically made fun of me.
645
00:30:10,474 --> 00:30:11,458
Leah: That's hard.
646
00:30:11,626 --> 00:30:12,426
Moshe: Yes.
647
00:30:12,610 --> 00:30:18,386
Leah: I mean, 17% of non autistics and
actually almost 40% of autistics would tell
648
00:30:18,410 --> 00:30:21,978
them things about themselves, touch them.
649
00:30:22,146 --> 00:30:24,890
So the non sexual sexuality we're talking
650
00:30:24,922 --> 00:30:28,250
about, like, touch their arms, back, etcetera,
to show them I'm interested.
651
00:30:28,322 --> 00:30:29,026
Moshe: Yes.
652
00:30:29,210 --> 00:30:31,050
Leah: 34% of non autistics.
653
00:30:31,122 --> 00:30:33,138
Only 27% of autistics.
654
00:30:33,186 --> 00:30:35,702
So you're different in your understanding
that.
655
00:30:35,858 --> 00:30:36,870
Moshe: Interesting.
656
00:30:37,062 --> 00:30:42,462
Leah: The reasons that I might have sex in the
future or have in the past are because it
657
00:30:42,478 --> 00:30:44,234
feels good just for enjoyment.
658
00:30:45,054 --> 00:30:45,874
Moshe: Yes.
659
00:30:46,414 --> 00:30:47,854
Leah: 48% of autistics.
660
00:30:47,894 --> 00:30:50,094
Almost 80% of non autistics.
661
00:30:50,174 --> 00:30:51,074
Moshe: Makes sense.
662
00:30:51,654 --> 00:30:52,674
Leah: For fun.
663
00:30:53,414 --> 00:30:56,686
No, 77% of non autistics.
664
00:30:56,750 --> 00:30:58,514
52% of autistic.
665
00:30:58,854 --> 00:31:00,194
Because we're friends.
666
00:31:01,274 --> 00:31:06,774
Moshe: It doesn't seem like that is
applicable, though I would say no.
667
00:31:07,274 --> 00:31:08,290
Leah: Yeah, it's pretty low.
668
00:31:08,322 --> 00:31:12,402
It's 7.7 for non autistics, 2.9 for autistics.
669
00:31:12,538 --> 00:31:17,234
So they're not doing the friends with benefits
thing because we are in a relationship.
670
00:31:17,394 --> 00:31:18,134
Moshe: Yeah.
671
00:31:18,434 --> 00:31:20,282
Leah: 66% of autistics.
672
00:31:20,338 --> 00:31:22,374
82% of non autistics.
673
00:31:23,154 --> 00:31:27,574
This one makes me feel kind of icky to show
them that I love them.
674
00:31:29,714 --> 00:31:30,494
Moshe: Yes.
675
00:31:30,834 --> 00:31:31,562
Leah: It's about.
676
00:31:31,658 --> 00:31:36,866
It's 30% across the board because I feel like
677
00:31:36,890 --> 00:31:37,814
I have to.
678
00:31:38,234 --> 00:31:39,014
Moshe: Yes.
679
00:31:39,594 --> 00:31:40,334
Leah: Then.
680
00:31:40,754 --> 00:31:47,370
Moshe: Well, then I wasn't actually having
sex, but it would seem to me like being in a
681
00:31:47,402 --> 00:31:51,530
relationship with someone would mean that I
would have to have sex with them.
682
00:31:51,722 --> 00:31:53,694
Leah: I don't think that's what they mean.
683
00:31:54,014 --> 00:31:54,542
Moshe: No?
684
00:31:54,638 --> 00:31:55,274
Leah: No.
685
00:31:55,694 --> 00:31:56,294
Moshe: What do they.
686
00:31:56,334 --> 00:31:57,198
What do you think they mean?
687
00:31:57,246 --> 00:32:00,438
Leah: I think what they mean is like, I don't
really want to, but I have to.
688
00:32:00,486 --> 00:32:02,486
So, like, doing the dishes or.
689
00:32:02,550 --> 00:32:04,478
Moshe: Right. That's not right.
690
00:32:04,486 --> 00:32:05,994
That's not what I interpreted.
691
00:32:06,454 --> 00:32:08,094
I'm like, yes, I'm in a relationship.
692
00:32:08,134 --> 00:32:09,142
I have to have sex with them.
693
00:32:09,158 --> 00:32:10,030
Why wouldn't I?
694
00:32:10,182 --> 00:32:14,238
Leah: Right. But I think it's more like I have
to do the dishes again.
695
00:32:14,366 --> 00:32:16,790
Moshe: Oh, well, with that interpretation.
696
00:32:16,862 --> 00:32:19,358
Leah: No, it was very low.
697
00:32:19,406 --> 00:32:21,314
5.9 and 4.8%.
698
00:32:21,674 --> 00:32:23,254
Because we are married.
699
00:32:24,634 --> 00:32:26,934
Yeah, it was actually very low.
700
00:32:28,234 --> 00:32:30,334
11% and 18%.
701
00:32:30,674 --> 00:32:34,490
Moshe: I mean, that's the main reason why
we're having sex.
702
00:32:34,602 --> 00:32:35,774
Yeah, I guess.
703
00:32:36,314 --> 00:32:40,334
Leah: I mean, yeah, I guess it depends.
704
00:32:40,834 --> 00:32:41,770
Reproduction.
705
00:32:41,842 --> 00:32:42,586
Moshe: Yeah.
706
00:32:42,770 --> 00:32:47,814
Leah: So 38% of autistics and 54% of non
autistics.
707
00:32:48,234 --> 00:32:49,214
Moshe: Interesting.
708
00:32:49,554 --> 00:32:53,218
Leah: Keep in mind these people are young, so
they're probably trying to not get pregnant
709
00:32:53,266 --> 00:32:55,114
while they're having sex.
710
00:32:55,274 --> 00:32:56,254
Moshe: Makes sense.
711
00:32:56,754 --> 00:33:00,874
But if they do intend on having sex, seeing
712
00:33:00,914 --> 00:33:06,970
the main reason for them doing it as
reproduction is still interesting, because
713
00:33:07,042 --> 00:33:12,018
maybe at that time, they're not necessarily
interested in having children.
714
00:33:12,146 --> 00:33:13,170
Or maybe they are.
715
00:33:13,242 --> 00:33:15,346
Maybe they've decided that they want children
716
00:33:15,410 --> 00:33:17,374
and they don't care how old they are.
717
00:33:17,904 --> 00:33:19,684
Leah: Sexual dyadic experience.
718
00:33:20,504 --> 00:33:23,112
I have held another person's hand.
719
00:33:23,288 --> 00:33:25,884
Someone that you liked or were interested in?
720
00:33:26,224 --> 00:33:27,004
Moshe: Yes.
721
00:33:28,064 --> 00:33:30,564
Leah: You just looked down at our hands
holding each other.
722
00:33:31,224 --> 00:33:35,964
70% of autistic, 89% of non I have hugged
another person.
723
00:33:36,744 --> 00:33:42,296
88 and 97 I have kissed another person on the
lips, mouth closed.
724
00:33:42,400 --> 00:33:43,178
Moshe: Yeah.
725
00:33:43,376 --> 00:33:46,974
Leah: 55% of autistics, 83% of non autistics.
726
00:33:47,014 --> 00:33:50,478
So that is, like, a significant difference.
727
00:33:50,646 --> 00:33:51,914
Why do you think that is?
728
00:33:52,414 --> 00:33:56,114
Moshe: Because kissing can be uncomfortable
for autistics.
729
00:33:57,094 --> 00:34:02,470
The whole concept of touching each other in
general can be uncomfortable, even to the
730
00:34:02,502 --> 00:34:08,590
point of holding hands if they're sensitive to
touch and don't necessarily like being touched
731
00:34:08,622 --> 00:34:09,440
overall.
732
00:34:09,622 --> 00:34:14,540
So if you take the discomfort with touching
733
00:34:14,732 --> 00:34:20,604
and you add your mouth, it can be a bit more
disconcerting.
734
00:34:20,684 --> 00:34:21,584
Leah: I see it.
735
00:34:22,044 --> 00:34:28,492
Moshe: I never really had a problem with it,
but I also wasn't particularly good at it.
736
00:34:28,668 --> 00:34:32,012
Leah: I recall you actually not necessarily
being fond of it.
737
00:34:32,188 --> 00:34:38,919
Moshe: I wasn't a big fan of kissing, mostly
because I associated kissing with negative
738
00:34:38,991 --> 00:34:40,111
experiences.
739
00:34:40,287 --> 00:34:42,623
It was something that I was expected to do
740
00:34:42,663 --> 00:34:45,695
rather than something that I wanted to do.
741
00:34:45,879 --> 00:34:48,303
It was one of those, you have to do it because
742
00:34:48,383 --> 00:34:55,271
I'm your, whatever, partner, girlfriend,
boyfriend, it doesn't matter, so you need to
743
00:34:55,287 --> 00:34:56,007
do it.
744
00:34:56,175 --> 00:34:57,723
And I was like, fine.
745
00:34:58,223 --> 00:35:02,655
Leah: That's very interesting to me, because
whenever we kissed, it was kind of always you
746
00:35:02,679 --> 00:35:03,777
who initiated it.
747
00:35:03,895 --> 00:35:08,750
Moshe: Right. Because I had the understanding
that I actually wanted to kiss you.
748
00:35:08,822 --> 00:35:14,174
Leah: I mean, now I ask you for kisses, but I
think you were always the first initiator
749
00:35:14,214 --> 00:35:15,714
whenever we would kiss.
750
00:35:16,054 --> 00:35:23,966
Moshe: I should have initiated more, but it
was an uncomfortable experience that I was
751
00:35:23,990 --> 00:35:27,910
trying to turn into a comfortable experience
with someone that I genuinely cared about.
752
00:35:28,062 --> 00:35:29,954
Leah: Aw, that's really sweet.
753
00:35:30,684 --> 00:35:32,100
I have French kissed someone.
754
00:35:32,172 --> 00:35:33,584
This includes tongue?
755
00:35:33,884 --> 00:35:37,772
Moshe: Yes. At the time, no. But now,
obviously, yes.
756
00:35:37,868 --> 00:35:42,236
Leah: I mean, I kind of unknowingly kind of
forced you into doing that because I didn't
757
00:35:42,260 --> 00:35:43,228
know that you didn't.
758
00:35:43,356 --> 00:35:44,504
So I did it.
759
00:35:45,924 --> 00:35:50,092
Moshe: I do it regularly now only because you
do.
760
00:35:50,268 --> 00:35:57,856
But it wasn't necessarily something that I
would do regularly prior to being in a
761
00:35:57,880 --> 00:35:59,040
relationship with you.
762
00:35:59,152 --> 00:36:00,952
Leah: Aw, that's really sweet.
763
00:36:01,088 --> 00:36:05,032
So 38.2% of autistics and 77.9% of
764
00:36:05,048 --> 00:36:05,648
monotistics.
765
00:36:05,696 --> 00:36:06,400
That tracks.
766
00:36:06,432 --> 00:36:06,864
Right.
767
00:36:06,984 --> 00:36:08,384
Because of the whole sensory thing.
768
00:36:08,464 --> 00:36:08,776
Moshe: Right.
769
00:36:08,840 --> 00:36:10,656
Like you're gonna stick your tongue in my
770
00:36:10,680 --> 00:36:10,920
mouth.
771
00:36:10,952 --> 00:36:11,416
That's.
772
00:36:11,520 --> 00:36:15,304
Leah: I mean, honestly, I didn't know that you
didn't like it, so I just did it.
773
00:36:15,464 --> 00:36:17,604
And then eventually you kind of liked it.
774
00:36:18,104 --> 00:36:21,746
Moshe: I didn't know that I liked it, and I
didn't particularly care for it.
775
00:36:21,880 --> 00:36:24,238
Then I associated it with you.
776
00:36:24,326 --> 00:36:26,390
I wouldn't like, stick my tongue in everyone's
777
00:36:26,422 --> 00:36:26,942
mouth.
778
00:36:27,078 --> 00:36:30,794
Leah: That's probably best, considering when
you get sick, you get really sick.
779
00:36:31,614 --> 00:36:32,634
Moshe: That's true.
780
00:36:33,374 --> 00:36:38,134
Today it's just been you and occasionally
781
00:36:38,174 --> 00:36:40,954
Abram Avram.
782
00:36:41,774 --> 00:36:44,030
Leah: I've had some form of sexual experience.
783
00:36:44,142 --> 00:36:46,638
Example, touching another sexually foreplay,
784
00:36:46,766 --> 00:36:50,602
any sexual activity, oral sex, sexual
intercourse, etcetera.
785
00:36:50,798 --> 00:36:55,010
Moshe: So at the time, depending on how old
they are, when the survey is.
786
00:36:55,042 --> 00:36:59,274
Leah: Being given, late teens, early twenties,
late teens, early twenties, like emerging
787
00:36:59,314 --> 00:37:00,094
adults.
788
00:37:00,794 --> 00:37:06,338
Moshe: I probably would have said yes,
depending on what point it was at.
789
00:37:06,466 --> 00:37:09,962
Because I had sex late compared to monk dad.
790
00:37:10,018 --> 00:37:12,586
Leah: Yeah, but it's not.
791
00:37:12,610 --> 00:37:16,034
I had sex with, like, somebody vaginal
792
00:37:16,074 --> 00:37:21,624
intercourse and says I have had some form of
sexual experience at all.
793
00:37:22,924 --> 00:37:24,900
Moshe: Yeah, I can then.
794
00:37:25,012 --> 00:37:25,704
Yes.
795
00:37:26,004 --> 00:37:32,460
Leah: So it's interesting because it's 40% for
autistics, but that's fully 40% less than non
796
00:37:32,492 --> 00:37:34,224
autistics at 81%.
797
00:37:35,204 --> 00:37:39,036
Have you ever had a significant other at the
798
00:37:39,060 --> 00:37:39,244
time?
799
00:37:39,284 --> 00:37:39,864
Moshe: No.
800
00:37:40,764 --> 00:37:47,848
Leah: Now, obviously, 58.2% and 78.8% feels
good to them.
801
00:37:47,976 --> 00:37:50,564
I enjoy using pornographic materials.
802
00:37:51,064 --> 00:37:52,736
That's kind of an interesting question,
803
00:37:52,800 --> 00:37:57,680
because I think at any given point in
somebody's life, they may or may not.
804
00:37:57,832 --> 00:38:00,004
And the interest in that waxes and wanes.
805
00:38:00,424 --> 00:38:08,416
Moshe: If you use pornographic materials out
of sheer enjoyment, it kind of puts you into a
806
00:38:08,440 --> 00:38:09,604
class of your own.
807
00:38:10,304 --> 00:38:13,448
I think I would have said no at the time.
808
00:38:13,616 --> 00:38:15,804
I would say no now.
809
00:38:16,464 --> 00:38:19,720
But I mean, that's mostly based on the word
810
00:38:19,792 --> 00:38:21,720
enjoy, right?
811
00:38:21,792 --> 00:38:23,056
Leah: That's really interesting.
812
00:38:23,160 --> 00:38:24,936
That's like a whole discussion.
813
00:38:25,080 --> 00:38:29,464
I just wanted to let you know it's about 50%
with slightly more non autistic people saying
814
00:38:29,504 --> 00:38:32,040
they enjoy using pornographic materials.
815
00:38:32,072 --> 00:38:34,392
But what is, what does the word enjoy mean to
816
00:38:34,408 --> 00:38:34,536
you?
817
00:38:34,560 --> 00:38:37,948
Moshe: Like, it means like, you know, you go
to a movie, you.
818
00:38:37,976 --> 00:38:38,924
You enjoy that movie.
819
00:38:39,004 --> 00:38:41,500
You play a sport, you enjoy that sport.
820
00:38:41,652 --> 00:38:43,004
I enjoy politics.
821
00:38:43,124 --> 00:38:44,580
I enjoy reading.
822
00:38:44,652 --> 00:38:48,532
I enjoy watching movies and shows with you.
823
00:38:48,588 --> 00:38:50,864
I enjoy going to a nice restaurant.
824
00:38:51,284 --> 00:38:55,064
I enjoy, I don't know, going for walks.
825
00:38:55,804 --> 00:38:59,372
*********** is not really an enjoyment.
826
00:38:59,468 --> 00:39:02,044
It's really more of a task based.
827
00:39:02,124 --> 00:39:06,532
Leah: Experience that, I mean, stupid me, but
I have to ask, why would anybody ever use it
828
00:39:06,548 --> 00:39:07,904
if they didn't enjoy it?
829
00:39:09,234 --> 00:39:09,946
Moshe: I don't know.
830
00:39:10,010 --> 00:39:11,454
I guess I'm just strange.
831
00:39:13,154 --> 00:39:19,258
The whole concept of *********** was always
very interesting to me because I never
832
00:39:19,306 --> 00:39:20,414
understood it.
833
00:39:21,314 --> 00:39:23,578
I never really understood what I was supposed
834
00:39:23,626 --> 00:39:24,974
to gain from it.
835
00:39:25,314 --> 00:39:26,242
Leah: It depends.
836
00:39:26,298 --> 00:39:28,370
For some people, it's educational.
837
00:39:28,522 --> 00:39:30,250
Moshe: Well, education, yes.
838
00:39:30,402 --> 00:39:33,138
But again, if you're gaining your sex
839
00:39:33,186 --> 00:39:37,764
education from ***********, then you're
getting a very skewed education.
840
00:39:38,464 --> 00:39:42,664
Leah: Yes and no. It depends if you're looking
for the actual physical, like, characteristics
841
00:39:42,704 --> 00:39:43,400
or not.
842
00:39:43,552 --> 00:39:45,736
Obviously, don't get your, like, romance or
843
00:39:45,760 --> 00:39:51,336
whatever off of it, but if you're looking for
what slot goes into what tab and what, you
844
00:39:51,360 --> 00:39:53,696
know, it's fine for that.
845
00:39:53,760 --> 00:39:54,564
I find.
846
00:39:55,424 --> 00:39:59,044
Moshe: I mean, for the purposes of that.
847
00:39:59,464 --> 00:40:05,582
But mostly my experience has been, I don't, I
848
00:40:05,598 --> 00:40:09,806
don't understand, like, how do you.
849
00:40:09,950 --> 00:40:11,394
Why would you do that?
850
00:40:11,774 --> 00:40:13,286
I don't feel like that would, like.
851
00:40:13,310 --> 00:40:15,150
Leah: Why would the people on the screen do
that?
852
00:40:15,222 --> 00:40:17,318
Yeah, most people don't think that.
853
00:40:17,446 --> 00:40:19,054
Most people don't care.
854
00:40:19,214 --> 00:40:19,854
Moshe: Yes.
855
00:40:19,974 --> 00:40:23,646
Leah: So that's one reason you could be
looking at it, because you're curious or you
856
00:40:23,670 --> 00:40:29,208
need some education on the literal, like, tab
a goes into slot b in this.
857
00:40:29,256 --> 00:40:32,944
Moshe: Right, if you want to know how actual
sex works from, like, a live performance
858
00:40:33,064 --> 00:40:33,592
standpoint.
859
00:40:33,648 --> 00:40:34,104
But.
860
00:40:34,224 --> 00:40:39,464
Leah: And people who are more experienced will
often use it to get physically turned on
861
00:40:39,504 --> 00:40:42,256
faster so they can get masturbation over with.
862
00:40:42,400 --> 00:40:43,364
It's true.
863
00:40:43,864 --> 00:40:49,084
Moshe: I mean, the first **** pornographic
movie I watched was when I was quite young.
864
00:40:49,424 --> 00:40:55,916
And I remember just kind of sitting there
watching it and going, I. She looks really
865
00:40:55,980 --> 00:40:56,664
dirty.
866
00:40:57,684 --> 00:40:58,628
I don't.
867
00:40:58,796 --> 00:40:59,244
I don't.
868
00:40:59,284 --> 00:41:01,148
If I was that man, I wouldn't.
869
00:41:01,316 --> 00:41:02,668
I wouldn't touch her.
870
00:41:02,836 --> 00:41:05,156
She seems like, like a bit of a. She seems
871
00:41:05,180 --> 00:41:06,364
like she needs a shower.
872
00:41:06,484 --> 00:41:07,748
She looks very shiny.
873
00:41:07,796 --> 00:41:10,904
I don't know that she's actually enjoying
herself that much.
874
00:41:11,324 --> 00:41:11,916
I don't.
875
00:41:11,980 --> 00:41:12,556
I don't.
876
00:41:12,660 --> 00:41:13,820
I don't feel like.
877
00:41:13,892 --> 00:41:16,156
Like this is going exactly the way that she
878
00:41:16,180 --> 00:41:16,556
was hoping.
879
00:41:16,580 --> 00:41:17,052
Leah: It was very.
880
00:41:17,108 --> 00:41:19,116
I don't think that pizza delivery man loves
881
00:41:19,140 --> 00:41:20,266
that cheerleader.
882
00:41:20,460 --> 00:41:22,006
You're so unique in that way.
883
00:41:22,030 --> 00:41:23,942
Like, why?
What's their motivation?
884
00:41:24,038 --> 00:41:25,366
They're not actors, Moshe.
885
00:41:25,390 --> 00:41:26,022
They're just.
886
00:41:26,158 --> 00:41:27,534
People use **** for two things.
887
00:41:27,574 --> 00:41:30,078
For learning or for just getting off much
888
00:41:30,126 --> 00:41:32,794
faster, because doing it yourself isn't that
fun.
889
00:41:33,374 --> 00:41:34,014
Moshe: I don't.
890
00:41:34,094 --> 00:41:35,590
I don't understand it.
891
00:41:35,782 --> 00:41:37,234
Don't understand it.
892
00:41:37,654 --> 00:41:38,934
Leah: That's why you're wonderful.
893
00:41:39,014 --> 00:41:39,950
Moshe: Thank you.
894
00:41:40,142 --> 00:41:42,554
Leah: Negative sexual experiences or worries.
895
00:41:43,054 --> 00:41:45,230
I have agreed to have sex with someone and
896
00:41:45,262 --> 00:41:46,574
regretted it afterwards.
897
00:41:46,734 --> 00:41:47,406
Moshe: Yeah.
898
00:41:47,550 --> 00:41:49,070
Leah: It's unfortunately, a lot of people.
899
00:41:49,142 --> 00:41:54,194
26.5% of autistics 33.7% of non autistics.
900
00:41:54,894 --> 00:41:58,398
I have agreed to have sex with someone that I
didn't really want to.
901
00:41:58,566 --> 00:42:02,354
Yeah, it's about the same spread, and that's
actually very sad.
902
00:42:02,654 --> 00:42:06,834
I have been the victim of unwanted sexual
advances or behaviors from others.
903
00:42:07,454 --> 00:42:12,668
On this, I would like to see the spread of
genders, which they don't show, but it is
904
00:42:12,806 --> 00:42:15,524
approximately 27 and 26%.
905
00:42:16,504 --> 00:42:17,224
Moshe: Interesting.
906
00:42:17,304 --> 00:42:21,816
Leah: I have initiated a sexual behavior with
someone even though I didn't really want to.
907
00:42:22,000 --> 00:42:24,656
Yeah, that is a guy thing, I think.
908
00:42:24,720 --> 00:42:26,204
I don't understand that.
909
00:42:26,704 --> 00:42:28,844
About 23% and 20%.
910
00:42:29,184 --> 00:42:30,720
But I think that's a boy thing.
911
00:42:30,792 --> 00:42:32,000
Like, it's a. I'm a guy.
912
00:42:32,032 --> 00:42:33,856
I'm a dude, so I have to do this thing because
913
00:42:33,880 --> 00:42:34,672
I would never.
914
00:42:34,768 --> 00:42:35,936
I didn't feel like doing it.
915
00:42:35,960 --> 00:42:37,004
I wouldn't initiate.
916
00:42:37,624 --> 00:42:40,524
Moshe: Unfortunately for me, there's, like, an
expectation.
917
00:42:41,134 --> 00:42:44,790
Leah: I have been teased or victimized by
other people because I didn't know as much
918
00:42:44,822 --> 00:42:46,086
about sex as they did.
919
00:42:46,190 --> 00:42:46,662
Moshe: Yes.
920
00:42:46,758 --> 00:42:48,274
Leah: Oh, I'm sorry.
921
00:42:48,934 --> 00:42:50,114
That's not nice.
922
00:42:50,774 --> 00:42:54,982
It's 13% of non autistics and 19% of
autistics.
923
00:42:55,158 --> 00:42:55,726
Gratefully.
924
00:42:55,750 --> 00:42:57,566
It's not that as many as I thought it would
925
00:42:57,590 --> 00:42:58,994
be, but it's slightly more.
926
00:42:59,294 --> 00:43:01,454
I'm worried that my sexual behaviors might be
927
00:43:01,494 --> 00:43:03,034
misunderstood by people.
928
00:43:03,454 --> 00:43:04,214
Moshe: Yeah.
929
00:43:04,374 --> 00:43:08,634
Leah: Yeah. So 16% of non autistics, 38.8% of
autistics.
930
00:43:08,674 --> 00:43:09,642
And that tracks me.
931
00:43:09,658 --> 00:43:11,810
Moshe: Yes, that's definitely because, as you
said.
932
00:43:11,842 --> 00:43:14,194
Leah: You'Re like, wow, we're holding hands,
we're having sex now.
933
00:43:14,234 --> 00:43:14,458
Right.
934
00:43:14,506 --> 00:43:16,730
Like, your understanding of that is totally
935
00:43:16,762 --> 00:43:18,722
different than mine.
936
00:43:18,898 --> 00:43:20,642
Like, if you're not touching me below the
937
00:43:20,658 --> 00:43:23,018
collarbone and under my clothes, it's not
sexual.
938
00:43:23,186 --> 00:43:23,894
Moshe: Right.
939
00:43:24,234 --> 00:43:26,722
Leah: I worry that I may be taken advantage
of.
940
00:43:26,818 --> 00:43:27,450
Moshe: Yes.
941
00:43:27,602 --> 00:43:30,834
Leah: 38% and 33%, respectively.
942
00:43:30,914 --> 00:43:32,250
Again, I'd like to see the gender.
943
00:43:32,322 --> 00:43:32,602
Moshe: Right.
944
00:43:32,658 --> 00:43:33,414
Of course.
945
00:43:34,104 --> 00:43:37,912
Leah: Because you and I are very different
that way in terms of our genders.
946
00:43:37,968 --> 00:43:45,528
Normally, the females are more apt to be
victimized or feel a certain way, whereas
947
00:43:45,576 --> 00:43:46,272
males are not.
948
00:43:46,328 --> 00:43:49,256
And you and I are flipped in that sexual
949
00:43:49,320 --> 00:43:51,736
education and privacy knowledge.
950
00:43:51,920 --> 00:43:52,808
I don't know much.
951
00:43:52,856 --> 00:43:55,284
I would like to know more about sexuality.
952
00:43:55,824 --> 00:43:58,288
Moshe: I mean, at the time, absolutely, yes.
953
00:43:58,456 --> 00:44:00,854
Now, not so much.
954
00:44:01,154 --> 00:44:02,794
Leah: 15% of non autistics.
955
00:44:02,834 --> 00:44:04,906
A full 42% of autistics.
956
00:44:04,970 --> 00:44:06,734
That totally tracks.
957
00:44:07,234 --> 00:44:09,490
I know about the same or much more than most
958
00:44:09,522 --> 00:44:10,574
people my age.
959
00:44:10,914 --> 00:44:11,654
Moshe: No.
960
00:44:12,594 --> 00:44:14,242
Leah: 57% of autistics.
961
00:44:14,298 --> 00:44:15,018
They're lying.
962
00:44:15,146 --> 00:44:18,174
84% of non autistic.
963
00:44:19,474 --> 00:44:21,474
It was easy for me to understand the sex
964
00:44:21,514 --> 00:44:22,894
education that I received.
965
00:44:23,594 --> 00:44:28,012
No, 48.5% of non autistics or autistics.
966
00:44:28,068 --> 00:44:31,224
Excuse me?
79.9% of non autistics.
967
00:44:31,964 --> 00:44:36,756
I would like to know more about sexuality and
sexual health at the time.
968
00:44:36,820 --> 00:44:40,740
Yes, but not now, obviously, 57% and 60%.
969
00:44:40,812 --> 00:44:42,264
So it's not super high.
970
00:44:42,684 --> 00:44:46,304
Who taught you what things and actions should
be done in private?
971
00:44:46,924 --> 00:44:51,228
It's not necessarily talking about sex
anymore, but just like, private action.
972
00:44:51,396 --> 00:44:53,584
Moshe: Things that you do in privacy?
973
00:44:54,364 --> 00:44:55,384
Leah: My parents.
974
00:44:55,724 --> 00:44:56,516
Moshe: No.
975
00:44:56,700 --> 00:44:58,524
Leah: They didn't teach you what to do in
privacy?
976
00:44:58,644 --> 00:44:59,304
Moshe: No.
977
00:44:59,604 --> 00:45:04,264
Leah: It's like fully 60% of autistics and 51%
of non autistics.
978
00:45:04,644 --> 00:45:06,224
My brothers or sisters.
979
00:45:06,764 --> 00:45:08,732
No, that's very low.
980
00:45:08,788 --> 00:45:09,644
You're correct on that.
981
00:45:09,684 --> 00:45:10,504
My friends.
982
00:45:12,324 --> 00:45:16,624
No, 23% and 28%, respectively.
983
00:45:16,924 --> 00:45:18,264
My grandparents.
984
00:45:20,634 --> 00:45:26,650
Moshe: I can honestly tell you I have not
discussed sex with any of my grandparents at
985
00:45:26,682 --> 00:45:27,498
any point.
986
00:45:27,666 --> 00:45:28,450
Leah: It's very low.
987
00:45:28,482 --> 00:45:30,314
5.9 and 4.8%.
988
00:45:30,474 --> 00:45:31,574
My teachers.
989
00:45:32,554 --> 00:45:40,458
Moshe: I have had sex education teachers, and
obviously privacy was definitely part of their
990
00:45:40,506 --> 00:45:44,546
lesson, but obviously I didn't get the
majority of my knowledge from there.
991
00:45:44,570 --> 00:45:46,848
It was just one of those things that they
talked about.
992
00:45:47,026 --> 00:45:50,544
Leah: 35.3% and 24%, respectively.
993
00:45:51,124 --> 00:45:53,384
My counselor or support worker.
994
00:45:54,084 --> 00:45:57,132
This one's a huge spread, I can tell you right
away.
995
00:45:57,308 --> 00:46:03,652
7.7% of non autistics and 27.9% of autistics
because they're way more likely to have a
996
00:46:03,668 --> 00:46:04,996
counselor or support worker.
997
00:46:05,060 --> 00:46:08,064
Exact people on tv or movies.
998
00:46:08,684 --> 00:46:15,364
Moshe: When it comes to what to do privately,
I don't know that anyone on tv or movies has
999
00:46:15,404 --> 00:46:17,452
really specifically said anything.
1000
00:46:17,508 --> 00:46:18,260
Leah: It's scary.
1001
00:46:18,332 --> 00:46:23,292
High. Like 29% and 32% I learned on my own or
1002
00:46:23,308 --> 00:46:24,436
worked it out for myself.
1003
00:46:24,540 --> 00:46:26,564
Moshe: Yes, for me, that's how it worked.
1004
00:46:26,644 --> 00:46:30,516
Leah: Yeah. So 65% of the autistics and less.
1005
00:46:30,580 --> 00:46:31,964
47% of autistics.
1006
00:46:32,004 --> 00:46:33,264
But it's still a lot.
1007
00:46:33,724 --> 00:46:36,404
I've mostly learned about sex related topics
1008
00:46:36,484 --> 00:46:38,304
from my parents.
1009
00:46:38,784 --> 00:46:41,284
No, it was low for everyone.
1010
00:46:41,664 --> 00:46:43,324
My brothers or sisters.
1011
00:46:44,384 --> 00:46:45,888
No, it was like zero.
1012
00:46:45,976 --> 00:46:47,400
Okay, so I feel good about that.
1013
00:46:47,432 --> 00:46:48,400
That's like zero.
1014
00:46:48,552 --> 00:46:49,352
Moshe: Yeah.
1015
00:46:49,528 --> 00:46:50,444
Leah: My friends.
1016
00:46:51,144 --> 00:46:53,792
No, this is an interesting one.
1017
00:46:53,888 --> 00:46:58,884
7.5% of autistics said that they did.
1018
00:46:59,304 --> 00:47:02,324
30% of non autistics said that they did.
1019
00:47:04,324 --> 00:47:07,676
Moshe: I mean, I guess non autistics talk
about sex with their friends a lot.
1020
00:47:07,820 --> 00:47:09,436
Leah: I identify with that experience.
1021
00:47:09,540 --> 00:47:11,092
We can do a show on it.
1022
00:47:11,108 --> 00:47:12,184
Maybe we'll see.
1023
00:47:12,604 --> 00:47:13,344
School.
1024
00:47:14,404 --> 00:47:18,180
Moshe: I have, again, had sex ed classes that
discuss that.
1025
00:47:18,292 --> 00:47:23,024
Leah: 38.8% of autistics, 24% of non reading.
1026
00:47:23,644 --> 00:47:24,540
Moshe: That's for sure.
1027
00:47:24,572 --> 00:47:24,948
A yes.
1028
00:47:24,996 --> 00:47:25,540
For me.
1029
00:47:25,652 --> 00:47:27,468
Leah: It's very low for most people.
1030
00:47:27,636 --> 00:47:31,526
9% of autistic and less for non autistic
1031
00:47:31,700 --> 00:47:34,494
services such as counseling or a community
program.
1032
00:47:34,914 --> 00:47:35,538
Moshe: No.
1033
00:47:35,666 --> 00:47:36,698
Leah: Almost non existent.
1034
00:47:36,746 --> 00:47:38,546
Less than 2% across the board.
1035
00:47:38,730 --> 00:47:40,734
Tv, movies, and Internet.
1036
00:47:41,154 --> 00:47:41,934
Moshe: Yes.
1037
00:47:42,914 --> 00:47:45,374
Leah: Eleven and 14%, respectively.
1038
00:47:45,914 --> 00:47:46,734
None.
1039
00:47:48,594 --> 00:47:50,418
I learned sex from nothing.
1040
00:47:50,586 --> 00:47:52,534
Moshe: I don't know anything about sex.
1041
00:47:53,274 --> 00:47:54,974
Leah: 6% and 7%.
1042
00:47:55,554 --> 00:47:57,138
I've been taught the importance of using
1043
00:47:57,186 --> 00:47:58,254
contraception.
1044
00:47:58,714 --> 00:47:59,474
Moshe: Yeah.
1045
00:47:59,634 --> 00:48:01,574
Leah: Almost 100% across the board.
1046
00:48:01,914 --> 00:48:03,814
Having tests for Sti's?
1047
00:48:05,234 --> 00:48:06,574
Moshe: Not really, no.
1048
00:48:07,714 --> 00:48:15,298
Leah: Almost 10% fewer autistics than non
autistics not making important decisions about
1049
00:48:15,346 --> 00:48:18,534
sexual activities while affected by alcohol or
drugs.
1050
00:48:19,514 --> 00:48:22,482
Moshe: I wasn't actually taught that.
1051
00:48:22,658 --> 00:48:23,946
Leah: It is high.
1052
00:48:24,010 --> 00:48:26,340
It's 83% and 87%.
1053
00:48:26,522 --> 00:48:30,336
But I do believe that's probably a
generational thing because they didn't
1054
00:48:30,400 --> 00:48:32,884
actually talk about that in the nineties.
1055
00:48:33,664 --> 00:48:34,604
Moshe: Not really.
1056
00:48:35,264 --> 00:48:39,936
I had some pretty skewed opinions, and then,
1057
00:48:39,960 --> 00:48:43,440
of course, there was, like, the whole, you
know, super bad.
1058
00:48:43,592 --> 00:48:44,088
Leah: Yeah.
1059
00:48:44,176 --> 00:48:46,016
Moshe: Revenge of the nerds thing.
1060
00:48:46,120 --> 00:48:51,888
Leah: Yeah. I mean, I'll still probably engage
in sex if I had a little too much to drink,
1061
00:48:51,936 --> 00:48:52,360
but that's.
1062
00:48:52,392 --> 00:48:53,662
Again, it's a generational.
1063
00:48:53,808 --> 00:48:54,506
Thank you.
1064
00:48:54,610 --> 00:48:56,514
Moshe: Yeah. Well, then you would never have
sex.
1065
00:48:56,674 --> 00:48:58,054
Leah: Oh, stop it.
1066
00:49:00,234 --> 00:49:02,490
The sexual activities that should be engaged
1067
00:49:02,562 --> 00:49:04,814
in only in private are kissing someone.
1068
00:49:06,194 --> 00:49:09,050
No, it's low, but a lot more autistics thought
1069
00:49:09,082 --> 00:49:09,634
so.
1070
00:49:09,794 --> 00:49:11,282
Almost 10% more.
1071
00:49:11,458 --> 00:49:14,934
Touching someone in a sexual way in private.
1072
00:49:15,714 --> 00:49:16,570
Moshe: Yes.
1073
00:49:16,762 --> 00:49:20,666
Leah: I'd like to say that your autistic
brothers and sisters are very respectful at
1074
00:49:20,690 --> 00:49:25,054
92%, but non autistics are only 84%.
1075
00:49:25,134 --> 00:49:26,514
What's wrong with us?
1076
00:49:27,214 --> 00:49:30,694
You're just, like, touching your boyfriend's
junk in public.
1077
00:49:30,774 --> 00:49:32,070
Like, what's happening there?
1078
00:49:32,182 --> 00:49:34,594
Moshe: I mean, right there.
1079
00:49:35,894 --> 00:49:39,354
Leah: Undressing the person in public.
1080
00:49:40,254 --> 00:49:41,654
That should be done in private.
1081
00:49:41,774 --> 00:49:43,030
Moshe: Well, yes, obviously.
1082
00:49:43,062 --> 00:49:46,278
Leah: Yeah. 97% of people agreed with that,
versus 95.
1083
00:49:46,326 --> 00:49:52,042
Again, holistics, what is wrong with you?
Why are you so Lucy Goosey on this?
1084
00:49:52,218 --> 00:49:55,054
Sexual behaviors other than intercourse should
be private.
1085
00:49:55,354 --> 00:49:57,974
Yes, 89 and 88%.
1086
00:49:58,634 --> 00:50:00,774
Sexual intercourse should be private.
1087
00:50:01,274 --> 00:50:02,146
Moshe: Yes.
1088
00:50:02,330 --> 00:50:05,210
Leah: 94 and 89%.
1089
00:50:05,322 --> 00:50:07,610
Again, what is wrong with these non autistic
1090
00:50:07,642 --> 00:50:08,214
people?
1091
00:50:08,554 --> 00:50:15,014
Moshe: So one in ten non autistic people feel
that sex should be the public spectacle?
1092
00:50:15,094 --> 00:50:17,670
Leah: Yes. I'm ashamed.
1093
00:50:17,822 --> 00:50:18,754
Moshe: I don't know.
1094
00:50:19,054 --> 00:50:21,114
Leah: Sexual identity and orientation.
1095
00:50:21,774 --> 00:50:24,142
I clearly identify myself as the gender that I
1096
00:50:24,158 --> 00:50:24,718
was born.
1097
00:50:24,806 --> 00:50:27,470
Yeah, this is interesting.
1098
00:50:27,582 --> 00:50:31,230
Most non autistics agree, 95.2%.
1099
00:50:31,422 --> 00:50:34,374
Only 73.5% of autistics agree.
1100
00:50:34,534 --> 00:50:35,702
Moshe: That is surprising.
1101
00:50:35,838 --> 00:50:38,434
Leah: It is not for me, because I've seen it a
lot.
1102
00:50:39,874 --> 00:50:42,494
I consider myself as transgender.
1103
00:50:45,394 --> 00:50:49,574
1.9% of non autistics, 8.8% of autistics.
1104
00:50:50,594 --> 00:50:54,174
I consider my sexual orientation to be hetero.
1105
00:50:56,434 --> 00:50:58,374
Moshe: At the time, I would have said no.
1106
00:50:59,034 --> 00:51:01,218
Leah: I mean, it's a good majority.
1107
00:51:01,306 --> 00:51:06,020
71% of non autistics and 63% of autistics.
1108
00:51:06,162 --> 00:51:10,616
So it's definitely the majority homosexual
attracted to the same sex.
1109
00:51:10,720 --> 00:51:18,204
No, 1% of non autistics, 9% of autistics
bisexual.
1110
00:51:18,704 --> 00:51:20,604
Moshe: At the time, I would have said yes.
1111
00:51:21,304 --> 00:51:23,128
Leah: That is kind of even.
1112
00:51:23,176 --> 00:51:26,856
It's almost 20% of non autistics and 14% of
1113
00:51:26,880 --> 00:51:30,644
autistics asexual attracted to neither sex.
1114
00:51:31,104 --> 00:51:31,920
Moshe: No.
1115
00:51:32,112 --> 00:51:37,264
Leah: This is interesting because a lot of
autistics are portrayed as asexual, and it is
1116
00:51:37,304 --> 00:51:39,472
higher, but it's actually very low.
1117
00:51:39,608 --> 00:51:42,048
So 1% of non autistics feel that they're
1118
00:51:42,096 --> 00:51:42,912
asexual.
1119
00:51:43,048 --> 00:51:45,520
Only 6% of autistics think that they are
1120
00:51:45,552 --> 00:51:46,432
asexual.
1121
00:51:46,608 --> 00:51:49,320
So hardly a stereotype in my humble opinion.
1122
00:51:49,432 --> 00:51:50,404
Moshe: Interesting.
1123
00:51:50,704 --> 00:51:53,524
Leah: And our questioning, not sure what I'm
attracted to.
1124
00:51:55,104 --> 00:51:57,232
Moshe: I would probably go with, yep, at.
1125
00:51:57,248 --> 00:52:00,886
Leah: The time, yeah, it's like around 7% for
both.
1126
00:52:01,030 --> 00:52:02,638
That was a pretty even spread.
1127
00:52:02,806 --> 00:52:04,702
So that was the end of the questionnaire.
1128
00:52:04,878 --> 00:52:07,914
Do you have any last thoughts before we take
off?
1129
00:52:08,334 --> 00:52:16,582
Moshe: So the understanding that autistics and
neurodivergence are, you know, non physical,
1130
00:52:16,638 --> 00:52:24,626
non sexual, non romantic, just computer
people, is absolutely untrue.
1131
00:52:24,750 --> 00:52:31,974
Autistics are people with feelings and
emotions and desires and interests.
1132
00:52:32,434 --> 00:52:40,666
And the fact that a lot of the time we lack
the ability to understand some nuance or the
1133
00:52:40,690 --> 00:52:48,250
ability to gauge people's feelings or
reactions doesn't preclude the fact that we
1134
00:52:48,282 --> 00:52:53,318
are all interested in something, some kind of
connection.
1135
00:52:53,446 --> 00:52:58,918
Leah: So if a non autistic person is
interested in an autistic person in that way,
1136
00:52:58,966 --> 00:53:04,918
romantically or sexually, or even, I don't
know, in a close friendship, what is something
1137
00:53:05,006 --> 00:53:08,874
or the main thing that they can do to help
that person communicate with them?
1138
00:53:09,694 --> 00:53:15,874
Moshe: It really kind of comes along with the
way you and I have learned to interact.
1139
00:53:16,234 --> 00:53:19,374
You do have to be very clear with your
intentions.
1140
00:53:19,714 --> 00:53:23,386
You can't rely on signs and signals.
1141
00:53:23,530 --> 00:53:25,978
You really do have to be forceful.
1142
00:53:26,026 --> 00:53:32,850
And with autistics, you sometimes have to make
the first move, because when you don't have
1143
00:53:32,882 --> 00:53:39,458
the ability necessarily to read people, it's
going to cause a lot of misconstrued
1144
00:53:39,506 --> 00:53:40,538
intentions.
1145
00:53:40,706 --> 00:53:44,100
So if you are someone, whether you're
1146
00:53:44,132 --> 00:53:52,084
neurodivergent or neurotypical, and you like
someone, don't fall into the defined gender
1147
00:53:52,124 --> 00:53:52,396
role.
1148
00:53:52,460 --> 00:53:54,740
Be the one who goes over and says, I would
1149
00:53:54,772 --> 00:53:58,544
like to spend time with you in a romantic
sense.
1150
00:53:59,164 --> 00:53:59,904
Right.
1151
00:54:00,324 --> 00:54:05,308
Leah: And do you think that autistics would be
open to that, because that is sort of the
1152
00:54:05,356 --> 00:54:07,944
opposite of what non autistic people would do.
1153
00:54:08,704 --> 00:54:16,104
Moshe: I would feel that an autistic person,
especially one who would be interested in a
1154
00:54:16,144 --> 00:54:20,400
romantic relationship, would be far more
likely to pursue one if they knew the
1155
00:54:20,432 --> 00:54:23,456
interests of a prospective partner.
1156
00:54:23,640 --> 00:54:26,816
They may not necessarily be quick to warm up.
1157
00:54:26,960 --> 00:54:33,192
There might need to be a lot of work in
learning how to coexist as a couple, even on a
1158
00:54:33,208 --> 00:54:33,804
date.
1159
00:54:34,644 --> 00:54:37,196
Autistic people are often very awkward, and
1160
00:54:37,220 --> 00:54:39,144
they misunderstand intentions.
1161
00:54:39,684 --> 00:54:41,556
So you have to be patient.
1162
00:54:41,620 --> 00:54:43,268
You have to be understanding.
1163
00:54:43,436 --> 00:54:45,132
You have to be someone, especially if you're
1164
00:54:45,148 --> 00:54:53,224
dating somebody who's autistic, you have to be
someone who is willing to work with them.
1165
00:54:53,524 --> 00:55:00,904
And in the end, you're going to end up with a
relationship that's very, you know, very
1166
00:55:00,984 --> 00:55:01,764
loyal.
1167
00:55:02,384 --> 00:55:05,536
Because I would say from experience, even
1168
00:55:05,560 --> 00:55:11,832
though I am just one autistic, that autistic
people don't necessarily have the concept of
1169
00:55:11,888 --> 00:55:15,724
duplicity or disloyalty.
1170
00:55:16,184 --> 00:55:20,604
And if you are someone that an autistic person
1171
00:55:20,984 --> 00:55:29,846
has come to trust and associate with safety
and security, then they're far less likely to
1172
00:55:29,950 --> 00:55:32,314
stray or want to be with anyone else.
1173
00:55:32,814 --> 00:55:36,874
Because a lot of the time, it's just too.
1174
00:55:38,174 --> 00:55:38,862
It's a lot.
1175
00:55:38,918 --> 00:55:39,994
Leah: It's too icky.
1176
00:55:42,574 --> 00:55:48,046
Moshe: Once you assign a role to somebody,
having to change your routine to be with
1177
00:55:48,070 --> 00:55:50,870
someone else is often very difficult.
1178
00:55:50,942 --> 00:55:54,070
Leah: And that's true because one of the
problems that you've had, though I wasn't any
1179
00:55:54,102 --> 00:55:58,964
the wiser, is that you assigned that role to
me very early, and then, for whatever reason,
1180
00:55:59,004 --> 00:56:00,944
tried to make things work with other people.
1181
00:56:01,324 --> 00:56:06,944
Moshe: Right. And I didn't know that it was
possible for me to give you a different role.
1182
00:56:07,324 --> 00:56:13,196
What I was really looking for was for you to
say, you know, we can be boyfriend and
1183
00:56:13,220 --> 00:56:14,624
girlfriend if you want.
1184
00:56:15,044 --> 00:56:17,020
And my answer would have been, really?
1185
00:56:17,212 --> 00:56:18,424
Then I want.
1186
00:56:19,124 --> 00:56:20,740
And that's how it would have gone.
1187
00:56:20,932 --> 00:56:24,400
Leah: Right. Well, I think that's all the
insight we have on that for now.
1188
00:56:24,432 --> 00:56:29,144
We're definitely going to be doing more
episodes about very specific things regarding
1189
00:56:29,224 --> 00:56:32,324
sex and sexuality, but we will let you know.
1190
00:56:32,664 --> 00:56:33,752
Moshe: Thank you for listening.
1191
00:56:33,848 --> 00:56:37,200
And again, rate comment and, like, share.
1192
00:56:37,312 --> 00:56:37,952
Leah: Download.
1193
00:56:38,048 --> 00:56:38,904
Moshe: Yeah, download.
1194
00:56:39,024 --> 00:56:44,084
Just spread far and wide and help us to spread
1195
00:56:44,664 --> 00:56:49,504
our message of coexistence and understanding
as far as you can.
1196
00:56:50,044 --> 00:56:51,224
Have a nice day.
1197
00:56:52,044 --> 00:56:53,860
Well, that's our show for today.
1198
00:56:54,012 --> 00:56:56,944
Now, you know, one autistic just a little bit
better.
1199
00:56:57,404 --> 00:57:03,604
So something you may not know about some
autistics is that we often struggle with
1200
00:57:03,644 --> 00:57:05,304
ending social interactions.
1201
00:57:05,724 --> 00:57:09,188
So, leah, all right, Moshe.
1202
00:57:09,236 --> 00:57:10,564
Leah: I'll take care of it.
1203
00:57:10,724 --> 00:57:13,004
Thank you for listening to now you know one
1204
00:57:13,044 --> 00:57:13,632
autistic.
1205
00:57:13,708 --> 00:57:14,424
See you next week.