Now You Know One Autistic! Podcast
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Moshe: Hi, I'm Moshe and I'm autistic.
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Leah: I'm Leah, and I'm boring.
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Welcome to the now, you know, one autistic
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podcast.
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Moshe: The opinions expressed in this podcast
reflect one autistic and one layout and don't
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necessarily reflect the entire autistic
community.
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Leah: Let's get to it.
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Hi, Moshe.
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Moshe: Hi, Leah.
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Leah: How are you?
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Moshe: I'm good, thank you.
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Leah: Good. So today, are you ready to talk a
little bit more about communication?
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Moshe: Yes, we're going to talk a little bit
more about communication.
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We're going to communicate about communication
for.
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Leah: The thousandth, I don't know, however
many episodes this is.
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Moshe: It's a lot of episodes.
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I think I've lost count.
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Leah: I think it's an ongoing issue in the
podcast.
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Because it's an ongoing issue in our life.
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Moshe: Yes. And this is, I think this is our
fourth time trying to record this episode.
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Leah: I think it's our third attempt.
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This was a cursed episode.
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So hopefully today we'll be able to publish
it.
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Moshe: We've updated our equipment.
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We have got everything consistent down.
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We've done everything we could.
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Leah: If it doesn't work this time, I'm going
to say it's just a poltergeist and we're going
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to skip this topic.
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Moshe: Right.
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Obviously, peaceful resolution does not end
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peacefully.
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Leah: Do you think that that might be a thing?
That's terrible.
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That's a horrible thought.
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So anyway, you gave it away.
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The topic today is peaceful resolutions.
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Moshe: Good.
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Leah: So, thoughts?
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Moshe: Peaceful resolutions when it comes to
communication is always important because when
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you have discussions or disagreements or, you
know, prostitutional markets, you need to
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focus on how you're going to resolve the,
we'll call it disagreement in a way that
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allows things to be copacetic.
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Right.
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Leah: So disagreement.
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Define disagreement.
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Moshe: Well, it can really vary depending on
the topic.
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It really comes down to, I feel this way, you
feel this way.
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How are we going to resolve this?
Or something happened and one of us feels a
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certain way and other one feels a different
way, how are we going to reconcile our
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feelings?
Or again, if we end up in more of a heated
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discussion, we'll say, how are we going to
come up from way up and bring things down?
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Leah: Yeah, I feel like we've made it clear to
the audience now that we do sort of a free
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flow situation where we come up with topics
and we have basic things that we want to hit,
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but we just have discussions.
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And you know what?
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This is actually bringing up something that I
want to cover in terms of the format of our
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podcast and in terms of our discussions yes.
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Now I just want to make it clear, and I've
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seen other mixed neuro functionality couples
doing content as well, that when it seems like
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the neurotypical is being, what's the word?
Condescending or taking over or doing an
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explaining for their partner, please trust
that it's because that person loves and cares
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for and knows their partner better than you
do.
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Because the reality is, it's usually a concept
or an idea that I can see is stuck in Moshe's
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mind, and I'm just helping him get it out.
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Moshe: Right.
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Unfortunately, in some instances, both in the
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past and currently ongoing, there are other
podcasts or content that's out there on
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YouTube or various podcast streaming sites
that involve mixed functionality couples.
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There's a really interesting YouTube series
that we follow.
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There's a TikTok.
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Leah: I was thinking more about the TikTok.
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There's another couple where it slipped.
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It's the male who's neurotypical.
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And especially because he's a male, it can
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look a lot like mansplaining, and it can look
a lot like he's being condescending to her,
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but he's not.
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Because I see it.
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I see her in the background sort of struggling
to get the words and the idea out, and it's
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just because he knows her.
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He's trying to help her.
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Moshe: Yeah. So I want to bring this up mostly
is Finn brogd.
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If you go on TikTok and you look up, studies
show that's the account name, and I actually
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don't know their names.
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We have spoken a couple of times.
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I've reached out to them, and they're like,
whoa, you're kind of like the mirror image of
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us.
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Because I'm the autistic one and you're the
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neurotypical one, and in their instance, he's
the neurotypical one and she's the autistic
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one.
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And they're a wonderful couple, and I love
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their content, and it actually amuses me a
great deal to see their back and forth.
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But it's a really interesting dynamic that
they have, and it actually reminds me a lot in
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certain aspects of the way you and I interact.
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And actually, I have reached out to them once
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or twice to see if there's ever any interest
in doing a collaboration, because I would love
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to talk to them either on their show or on our
show.
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Leah: I'm sure that there's something I can do
in the future, but I think ultimately what I'm
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looking for here is to just put out there that
if you're going to judge something.
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First of all, listen.
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Listen to the whole thing, listen to the whole
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interaction, and then try to put yourself in
those person's shoes.
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Try to look for evidence, right, evidence of
the contrary.
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Moshe often takes off and talks the whole
time, and I don't interrupt him.
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He often corrects me on things, but people
don't see that because they're more sensitive
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to the idea that we are being, I don't know,
taken advantage of or whatever.
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Moshe: We had a couple of pieces of feedback
since we recorded our last episode.
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One of them was very positive and one of them
was very negative.
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And the one that was very negative was, it
appeared to be somewhat needlessly negative.
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Leah: Yeah. So I just want to say we're not
opposed to negative feedback.
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We've been saying that since the beginning.
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But if it just comes from a really horrible
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place that's not even based in reality, we're
going to delete you.
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Moshe: And it brought up the topic, and I can
only imagine that it would be pretty
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consistent across any interactions between
someone with a disability and someone without
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a disability, especially if the discussion or
the content was in regards to that disability.
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Because when you have an autistic person
speaking for themselves, or you have a
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neurodivergent person or a disabled person
speaking for themselves, then they have a
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voice.
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But if you have the content that we're trying
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to put out, where we offer different
perspectives from neurofunctionality, it's
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almost, I would say, impossible.
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Especially if you're looking at it from a
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somewhat skewed way, to come across like,
well, you're clearly taking advantage of him,
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or you're clearly talking over him, or you're
clearly making fun of him.
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And I just want to speak for myself that the
podcast that we're doing, the podcast that
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Leah and I are doing, and the content that
we're trying to put out is very much a mutual
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effort.
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There's nothing that I'm talking about that I
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feel in any way makes me come across as, you
know, under condescension or whatever.
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Leah and I love each other very much and we
worked a lot on our relationship and on our
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communication, and I feel that she has never,
to me, come across as anything but loving and
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accepting.
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Leah: But that's the point.
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It's a couples podcast and you're going to get
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both persons perspectives.
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First of all, not just the autistic, and not
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just the neurotypical, but also what we, our
goal has been the whole time for you to get a
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glimpse into our real life and this is our
real interaction.
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If you are not with somebody who has autism,
you don't understand the fact that they often
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need to be prompted or that they need to be
reminded of things.
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And I get that that can come across as
sounding a certain way, but that's really just
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our life.
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So if you're interested in hearing our
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reality, then that's great and we welcome that
and we appreciate it.
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But if you're going to read into it things
that aren't there and just have a really
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negative perspective, but needlessly so and
not coming from a good place, then we don't
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need it.
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Moshe: Right.
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And the final point that I want to make on
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this, at least from my perspective, is that a
lot of the, I mean, there's a lot of really
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great content out there, both visual and
audio, when it comes to neurodiversity and
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autism.
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But a lot of it is probably produced to a
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certain extent.
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Certain bits are filtered out, certain clips
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are shortened, certain audio is cleaned up.
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If it's video, a lot of the video is edited
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with different tools, which is wonderful and
at least shows some very great content.
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And it seems very sleek and very, very well
put together.
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You'll notice that sometimes I'm clearing my
throat and you'll notice that we sometimes
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stutter a lot, a lot of ums and ah, sometimes
you'll hear police sirens or ambulances in the
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background and sometimes one of our children
will come in and slam the door or make some
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noise that we'll come across as, you know,
interruptions.
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And we do do some audio cleanup after the fact
just to make everything sound more crisp.
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But this is our life.
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This is our raw, to a certain extent, unedited
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life.
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And this is the interactions that Leah and I
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have.
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And it's just we don't have a script.
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We don't have consistent things that we cover
all the time because basically a lot of these
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episodes are off the cuff.
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We have general topics that we want to
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discuss, but mostly it's just us talking.
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Yep.
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Leah: So now that we've cleared that up, I
would like to get back on track with the
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topic.
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I just felt the need, you know, peaceful
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resolution.
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It kind of brought it up for me.
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I felt the need to just mention what's
actually going on versus what people may
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think.
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Because if you just want rah rah pro autism
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content, it's out there.
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But that's not this.
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I'm very pro autism.
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I'm very pro moshe.
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I'm very team Moshe.
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But you're going to hear both perspectives,
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and that's how that goes.
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Moshe: Right?
So I don't feel that Leah's ever been
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condescending with me.
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We did receive a really nice bit of feedback
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from somebody recently that expressed
appreciation for the work that we are doing to
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try and raise awareness on mixed neuro
functionality couples on adult autistics,
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which are still not necessarily well
documented in a lot of ways on late diagnosed
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autistics.
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And our experience throughout my life,
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especially from a younger age where I was
called everything from weird to quirky to
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absent minded to easily distracted to shy to a
drama queen.
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Leah: I love that you're shy.
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Moshe: So all the things that made no sense to
me when I was younger are now quite obvious
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too.
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And if you're an adult and you suspect that
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you might have autism or some sort of neuro
urgency, I would definitely recommend that you
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seek out a diagnosis because when I attempted
to seek out my diagnosis, I was discouraged
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from doing so.
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Because they said, you're an adult.
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What's the point?
There absolutely is a point because it answers
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a lot of questions that you may have spent
your entire life wondering.
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Leah: Right.
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And that was actually me.
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When you were discouraged, I said, no, no,
they owe you this.
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Moshe: Exactly.
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Leah: Okay, so back to the topic at hand.
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Let's talk about.
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Sorry about that.
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We went off on attendance.
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Let's talk about the autistic need to be
right.
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Explain the autistic need to be right.
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I have write in quotations there, so.
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Moshe: It'S somewhat stereotypical but also
somewhat accurate.
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The many autistics think of life in terms of a
pattern, or the common comparison is a lineup
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of cars.
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And if one of the cars is slightly askew, or
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one of the cars is not in the right place, or
the red car is supposed to be in front of the
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blue car, but the blue car is in front of the
red car, then it.
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It seems almost instinctual or unconscious to
try and correct it.
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And oftentimes that is very helpful.
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For example, I've had jobs where I had to
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inspect or proofread application.
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And it's very good.
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It's a very useful skill for noticing
inconsistencies in your environment or
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noticing inconsistencies in a person, or
noticing things that the average person might
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overlook.
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00:13:55,414 --> 00:13:57,622
We're really, really good at noticing when our
236
00:13:57,638 --> 00:14:01,514
partner got a new haircut, but it can
sometimes.
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00:14:02,894 --> 00:14:06,350
Leah: Okay, so you need to really, actually,
let's delve into that.
238
00:14:06,462 --> 00:14:09,846
You're really, really good when noticing your
partner got a new haircut.
239
00:14:09,910 --> 00:14:12,510
Why?
Because people might be thinking it's like,
240
00:14:12,542 --> 00:14:12,870
oh, wow.
241
00:14:12,902 --> 00:14:14,278
You look so beautiful, darling.
242
00:14:14,366 --> 00:14:15,406
It's often not.
243
00:14:15,510 --> 00:14:17,350
It's, wow, you changed something, and that's
244
00:14:17,422 --> 00:14:19,114
not okay, right.
245
00:14:19,294 --> 00:14:20,410
Why did you do that?
246
00:14:20,482 --> 00:14:26,290
Moshe: It can have a negative, and that goes
into the need to see the world in terms of
247
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patterns.
248
00:14:27,474 --> 00:14:29,482
Sometimes that can be a really cool skill.
249
00:14:29,578 --> 00:14:34,402
Like, you're really good at math, or you're
very good at doing Rubik's cubes and stuff, or
250
00:14:34,418 --> 00:14:35,458
jigsaw puzzles.
251
00:14:35,586 --> 00:14:37,706
But sometimes it can just be really annoying,
252
00:14:37,810 --> 00:14:44,454
like in my case, or in the case of other
people, where something is not quite right and
253
00:14:45,044 --> 00:14:47,344
you feel the need to correct it.
254
00:14:47,884 --> 00:14:52,388
So you say that we have an appointment on
255
00:14:52,436 --> 00:14:53,824
Monday at five.
256
00:14:54,364 --> 00:14:57,356
And I say, actually, we have an appointment
257
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Monday at 510.
258
00:14:59,476 --> 00:15:00,052
Leah: Right.
259
00:15:00,188 --> 00:15:05,180
Moshe: And you say, why does it matter?
And I say, because it's ten minutes off.
260
00:15:05,292 --> 00:15:07,304
Leah: I know better than to say that.
261
00:15:07,644 --> 00:15:09,436
Moshe: Yeah, theoretically.
262
00:15:09,500 --> 00:15:11,372
Like, hypothetically speaking, that's kind of
263
00:15:11,388 --> 00:15:11,892
where it goes.
264
00:15:11,948 --> 00:15:13,324
Leah: I know better than to die on a hill.
265
00:15:13,364 --> 00:15:13,836
That dumb.
266
00:15:13,900 --> 00:15:14,568
True.
267
00:15:14,756 --> 00:15:16,528
Moshe: Now, there's a common.
268
00:15:16,656 --> 00:15:20,284
There's a common phrase that is often said.
269
00:15:20,904 --> 00:15:22,544
The struggling ambulance going by.
270
00:15:22,584 --> 00:15:26,004
Hopefully we'll filter it out post productive.
271
00:15:27,784 --> 00:15:34,288
There's been a propensity of emergency
vehicles on major thoroughfares in Jerusalem
272
00:15:34,376 --> 00:15:37,648
now, but also all over Israel.
273
00:15:37,696 --> 00:15:40,146
I really don't want to get into the political
274
00:15:40,210 --> 00:15:44,458
aspects of it, but if you've watched the news,
you know that the northern part of Israel,
275
00:15:44,506 --> 00:15:47,666
from mostly Tel Aviv north, is basically on
fire.
276
00:15:47,730 --> 00:15:48,386
Right.
277
00:15:48,570 --> 00:15:50,122
And they're having a very hard time
278
00:15:50,178 --> 00:15:52,914
controlling it because of consistent shelling.
279
00:15:53,074 --> 00:15:54,834
But that doesn't affect us.
280
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We can definitely discuss it at a later time.
281
00:15:58,010 --> 00:15:59,746
And I don't want to get into it because
282
00:15:59,850 --> 00:16:03,250
talking about Israel, it's a very
controversial topic.
283
00:16:03,402 --> 00:16:05,894
But back to why it's important to be right.
284
00:16:06,804 --> 00:16:08,500
Leah: So I do want to say something, actually.
285
00:16:08,572 --> 00:16:10,780
So let's flip this concept on its head.
286
00:16:10,932 --> 00:16:14,436
Everybody is very concerned about me being
controlling a view.
287
00:16:14,620 --> 00:16:19,940
If I want to change anything about my physical
appearance, there are steps.
288
00:16:19,972 --> 00:16:26,244
Now, you see, being with Moshe, it's not that
I can just go get a haircut and make that
289
00:16:26,284 --> 00:16:30,732
change and then have that be okay, because
that's actually not fair to his ability to,
290
00:16:30,788 --> 00:16:32,694
like, process visual input.
291
00:16:32,734 --> 00:16:34,046
So I have to prepare him.
292
00:16:34,070 --> 00:16:37,054
I have to say, okay, honey, I think I'm gonna
go get my hair cut.
293
00:16:37,214 --> 00:16:39,094
And then he'll say, why?
How much?
294
00:16:39,174 --> 00:16:41,998
How short are you gonna dye it?
Is it gonna change color?
295
00:16:42,166 --> 00:16:45,558
And that also could come across as very
controlling, but it's not.
296
00:16:45,606 --> 00:16:48,894
It's just me understanding his ability to
process.
297
00:16:49,054 --> 00:16:53,774
And it's better even if he can come with me
and watch them do the haircut, it's very
298
00:16:53,814 --> 00:16:54,394
important.
299
00:16:55,254 --> 00:16:56,806
And again, it's one of those things that can
300
00:16:56,830 --> 00:16:59,058
come across a way, but it's not that way at
all.
301
00:16:59,126 --> 00:17:03,346
And that is consistent through any physical
change that I would have to make.
302
00:17:03,450 --> 00:17:15,194
Moshe: The need to see things in identifiable
patterns is more than just a discomfort.
303
00:17:15,314 --> 00:17:20,490
It's actually an emotional reaction that a lot
of people who are not autistic or
304
00:17:20,522 --> 00:17:22,490
neurodivergent might not understand.
305
00:17:22,642 --> 00:17:26,586
Leah: Yeah, it's to the point where I'm curly
haired and if I straightened my hair, it would
306
00:17:26,610 --> 00:17:27,469
be an issue.
307
00:17:27,641 --> 00:17:31,273
Moshe: It would make me very upset for reasons
that most people wouldn't understand.
308
00:17:31,573 --> 00:17:37,317
But it really just comes down to this is how
you look and you changed your look, and now I
309
00:17:37,365 --> 00:17:39,833
don't know what to do with this information.
310
00:17:40,293 --> 00:17:42,953
So it comes across as a very emotional thing.
311
00:17:43,333 --> 00:17:49,149
And that's not to say that it's not allowed,
because the thing that I want to consistently
312
00:17:49,221 --> 00:17:53,821
say, in addition to the whole thing about this
being one autistic, and it doesn't reflect the
313
00:17:53,837 --> 00:18:00,938
greater autistic communities such as they are,
but that the things that are associated with
314
00:18:00,986 --> 00:18:05,922
neurodiversity and autism are not barriers,
they're obstacles.
315
00:18:05,978 --> 00:18:12,082
And obstacles can be overcome in the way that
Leah said where I want to get a haircut, I
316
00:18:12,098 --> 00:18:15,370
need to get a haircut, I'm going to change
some aspect of my life.
317
00:18:15,522 --> 00:18:20,682
So I'm going to prepare you in advance so, you
know, and if possible, I'm going to allow you
318
00:18:20,698 --> 00:18:26,040
to be present so that you can see the change
happen right on an ongoing basis and the end
319
00:18:26,072 --> 00:18:26,528
result.
320
00:18:26,656 --> 00:18:30,704
Leah: And that's not me being controlled,
that's me understanding that I can do it one
321
00:18:30,744 --> 00:18:36,912
way and have a much easier result, or I can,
you know, sort of be difficult about it, do it
322
00:18:36,928 --> 00:18:41,048
the way I want to, and then have a whole
confrontation later when it can just be sort
323
00:18:41,056 --> 00:18:42,048
of worked up to.
324
00:18:42,176 --> 00:18:46,472
And that's me deciding to make him and, you
325
00:18:46,488 --> 00:18:49,918
know, in retrospect, the rest of us all more
comfortable.
326
00:18:50,096 --> 00:18:54,090
Moshe: And to the outside observer, a lot of
these things, because they don't end here,
327
00:18:54,122 --> 00:18:59,314
unfortunately, can come across as showing me
to be very controlling.
328
00:18:59,474 --> 00:19:05,946
One of the things that Leah and I struggled
with early on and continue to struggle with
329
00:19:06,090 --> 00:19:08,134
are the concept of transitions.
330
00:19:08,594 --> 00:19:11,570
I have a big issue with transitions, which is
331
00:19:11,642 --> 00:19:13,802
not uncommon for autistics.
332
00:19:13,898 --> 00:19:16,856
You definitely want to prepare them in advance
333
00:19:16,920 --> 00:19:21,992
because sudden changes are not always taken
very well.
334
00:19:22,048 --> 00:19:28,484
But that continues to the extent of if we're
sitting together and she gets up.
335
00:19:28,864 --> 00:19:34,144
She now knows that she'll usually say, I'm
just going to go to the bathroom, or I'm going
336
00:19:34,144 --> 00:19:35,888
to go to the kitchen and check on supper.
337
00:19:36,016 --> 00:19:37,232
Because I used to be like, where are you
338
00:19:37,248 --> 00:19:37,880
going?
What are you doing?
339
00:19:37,912 --> 00:19:40,256
What's happening?
Because it's a sudden change.
340
00:19:40,360 --> 00:19:41,840
She was sitting, and now she's standing.
341
00:19:41,872 --> 00:19:42,520
What's going on?
342
00:19:42,552 --> 00:19:46,564
Is she going to do something?
You know, like, what's happening?
343
00:19:46,724 --> 00:19:51,644
Leah: And when Moshe was a younger man, much
younger man with less self control, he would
344
00:19:51,684 --> 00:19:55,444
actually just literally, physically grab me
and throw me back into the sofa.
345
00:19:55,524 --> 00:20:01,228
Moshe: Right?
And so now she will tell me where she's going.
346
00:20:01,276 --> 00:20:08,172
And sometimes she will do something that comes
across as, to the outside observer, as asking
347
00:20:08,228 --> 00:20:08,588
permission.
348
00:20:08,636 --> 00:20:10,656
But it's not actually asking permission.
349
00:20:10,820 --> 00:20:13,040
It's mostly just telling permission.
350
00:20:13,232 --> 00:20:15,192
Something like, I'm going to go check on the
351
00:20:15,208 --> 00:20:15,376
dinner.
352
00:20:15,400 --> 00:20:16,368
Is that okay?
353
00:20:16,536 --> 00:20:18,752
And then the answer will always be yes.
354
00:20:18,848 --> 00:20:22,696
Leah: But the is that okay?
Isn't okay if I go, it's, are you okay?
355
00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:24,928
Do you need me to do something before I go do
that?
356
00:20:24,976 --> 00:20:25,472
Moshe: Exactly.
357
00:20:25,528 --> 00:20:25,848
It's.
358
00:20:25,896 --> 00:20:28,896
Leah: It's. It comes across very different
than what it is.
359
00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:32,324
Again, we could probably do a whole episode
about just this.
360
00:20:32,704 --> 00:20:36,964
And it kind of seems like this episode is
turning into an episode about this.
361
00:20:38,384 --> 00:20:46,560
Moshe: The idea of peaceful resolution and the
need to be right feeds into them, because it
362
00:20:46,592 --> 00:20:51,424
very much is about, you were supposed to be
sitting, and now you're standing.
363
00:20:51,504 --> 00:20:52,384
What's changed?
364
00:20:52,424 --> 00:20:56,888
Leah: Yes. Hence they literally grabbing me by
the pants and shoving me back into the seat.
365
00:20:56,936 --> 00:20:58,368
Moshe: Your hair was supposed to look like
this.
366
00:20:58,416 --> 00:20:59,344
Now it doesn't.
367
00:20:59,464 --> 00:21:00,844
What's wrong with this?
368
00:21:01,744 --> 00:21:07,504
And it works reversely, too, because we do
have neurodiverse children.
369
00:21:07,884 --> 00:21:13,500
And if I change some aspect of myself, or one
of them changes some aspect of themselves.
370
00:21:13,612 --> 00:21:17,324
Leah: Do you remember when I cut your hair
overnight and royal woke up the next morning?
371
00:21:17,484 --> 00:21:18,132
Moshe: It takes.
372
00:21:18,188 --> 00:21:19,820
Yeah, she was not cool.
373
00:21:19,892 --> 00:21:23,744
It takes a day or two for them to be like, I'm
not okay with this.
374
00:21:24,244 --> 00:21:26,044
I need to figure this out.
375
00:21:26,204 --> 00:21:29,316
And heaven forbid I would trim my beard or
376
00:21:29,340 --> 00:21:31,466
shave my beard or something to that.
377
00:21:31,660 --> 00:21:33,590
If they can see my lip, it's going to be like
378
00:21:33,622 --> 00:21:34,270
a whole week.
379
00:21:34,342 --> 00:21:34,806
Leah: Oh, yeah.
380
00:21:34,830 --> 00:21:35,966
No, Raya can't handle it.
381
00:21:35,990 --> 00:21:37,806
If she can see her lip, that's the end of it.
382
00:21:37,830 --> 00:21:39,630
Like, she won't even look at you till it grows
383
00:21:39,662 --> 00:21:40,070
back.
384
00:21:40,182 --> 00:21:43,502
Moshe: So it's very much about the need to be
right.
385
00:21:43,558 --> 00:21:50,994
And the need to be right can sound like, you
said a thing and you're wrong, but it's also
386
00:21:51,374 --> 00:21:56,940
the need to believe that what you're currently
experiencing will be consistent forevermore.
387
00:21:57,062 --> 00:22:00,664
And if it changes, there needs to be
preparation for that.
388
00:22:00,704 --> 00:22:03,880
So that's off topic, but not necessarily off
topic.
389
00:22:03,952 --> 00:22:04,256
Leah: Right.
390
00:22:04,320 --> 00:22:06,136
So again, one of the things that I have
391
00:22:06,160 --> 00:22:11,896
written down here is that an autistic will
fight the need to be right, even if they know
392
00:22:11,920 --> 00:22:13,640
they're not right, or if it's unrealistic.
393
00:22:13,752 --> 00:22:15,968
Because it protects their self esteem.
394
00:22:16,096 --> 00:22:16,592
Moshe: Yes.
395
00:22:16,688 --> 00:22:21,056
Leah: Because the way that an autistic
experiences the world often will lead itself
396
00:22:21,120 --> 00:22:23,844
to, how do I put this?
Non reality.
397
00:22:24,004 --> 00:22:24,548
Moshe: Yeah.
398
00:22:24,636 --> 00:22:28,524
Leah: And they know this, and they wonder
often, am I right about this?
399
00:22:28,564 --> 00:22:30,524
Is this true?
Is this really happening?
400
00:22:30,644 --> 00:22:34,564
So sort of fighting to be right and saying,
no, no, I would write about this one, not you.
401
00:22:34,604 --> 00:22:36,916
It's sort of a protection to their self
esteem.
402
00:22:36,980 --> 00:22:37,836
So this is a bit of a.
403
00:22:37,860 --> 00:22:40,824
Moshe: Different concept than what we were
just discussing.
404
00:22:41,124 --> 00:22:44,988
This feeds into the concept, a bunch of
different things.
405
00:22:45,036 --> 00:22:50,892
You're talking about a different way of taking
in information that you see, that you hear,
406
00:22:51,068 --> 00:22:52,104
that you experience.
407
00:22:52,414 --> 00:22:54,974
This feeds into a processing delay.
408
00:22:55,134 --> 00:23:04,870
This feeds into a, you know, a consistent
understanding where you exist in the world and
409
00:23:04,902 --> 00:23:09,982
your sense of self, which is often changing
because of the need to mask.
410
00:23:10,038 --> 00:23:13,414
And sometimes the masks get mixed up a little
bit.
411
00:23:13,574 --> 00:23:18,490
So the way it looks is this, as an autistic, I
have a processing delay.
412
00:23:18,622 --> 00:23:27,074
Someone will talk to me about something,
they'll give me information, and I will hear
413
00:23:27,114 --> 00:23:33,934
the information, but sometimes I won't take in
the information, so I will acknowledge it.
414
00:23:35,114 --> 00:23:38,282
We'll skip over the times when it's not
acknowledged, because those are very overt and
415
00:23:38,298 --> 00:23:38,746
knowledge like.
416
00:23:38,770 --> 00:23:39,418
Are you listening?
417
00:23:39,466 --> 00:23:40,418
You're clearly not.
418
00:23:40,506 --> 00:23:41,514
Let's try again.
419
00:23:41,674 --> 00:23:45,954
But you take in the information, you
acknowledge the information.
420
00:23:46,414 --> 00:23:49,094
Moshe, tomorrow morning at 09:00 a.m. we have
an appointment.
421
00:23:49,214 --> 00:23:50,754
Okay, sure, no problem.
422
00:23:51,254 --> 00:23:53,750
Information taken in, information
423
00:23:53,862 --> 00:23:59,246
acknowledged, and then information immediately
forgotten, either forgotten or just kind of
424
00:23:59,270 --> 00:24:04,594
floating there, waiting for the brain to sort
of grab it and start putting it place in.
425
00:24:05,014 --> 00:24:13,700
So you end up on a very small scale with a
scenario where the next morning you wake me
426
00:24:13,732 --> 00:24:16,148
up, you say, we have to go to our appointment.
427
00:24:16,196 --> 00:24:18,244
And I say, what appointment?
428
00:24:18,364 --> 00:24:21,384
And you say, the appointment that I told you
about yesterday.
429
00:24:21,684 --> 00:24:25,784
Now, this is where something really
interesting happens.
430
00:24:26,204 --> 00:24:29,824
My brain will go, did she tell me about the
appointment?
431
00:24:30,444 --> 00:24:34,700
My first instinct will be no, because I didn't
remember it.
432
00:24:34,732 --> 00:24:36,340
So she must not have told me.
433
00:24:36,412 --> 00:24:36,932
Leah: Right?
434
00:24:37,068 --> 00:24:41,892
Moshe: And in a previous incarnation, my
response would be, you never told me that we
435
00:24:41,908 --> 00:24:42,944
had an appointment.
436
00:24:43,404 --> 00:24:45,660
Now, I know that for a variety of reasons.
437
00:24:45,772 --> 00:24:50,124
Leah: Well, I mean, my response to that would
be, would I make up the fact that I told you?
438
00:24:50,244 --> 00:24:53,436
Moshe: Right?
But this is where we get into the concept of
439
00:24:53,460 --> 00:24:55,644
self preservation and protecting your self
esteem.
440
00:24:55,764 --> 00:25:02,156
Because either she didn't tell me, in which
case I'm right, or she did tell me and I
441
00:25:02,180 --> 00:25:08,236
didn't remember, in which case there's
something wrong with me and it's in the mind's
442
00:25:08,300 --> 00:25:14,044
instinct to try and protect itself as an
unconscious reflex.
443
00:25:14,204 --> 00:25:20,300
So it makes much more sense that she did tell
me and I simply forgot.
444
00:25:20,452 --> 00:25:25,612
Logically, that's likely the case, but in
terms of my own ability to process
445
00:25:25,708 --> 00:25:31,728
information, especially if you're autistic and
not fully comfortable with it, it's far better
446
00:25:31,896 --> 00:25:38,032
for you to acknowledge in your mind that she
must not have told me because it's not
447
00:25:38,088 --> 00:25:40,768
possible that I could have not absorbed that.
448
00:25:40,856 --> 00:25:45,248
Leah: And this is very, it gets into actually
a really complicated thing, which is every
449
00:25:45,296 --> 00:25:51,144
topic we talk about, as I keep saying, haha,
where I actually had to, I would get angry
450
00:25:51,184 --> 00:25:53,120
because I'd be like, why would you even say
that to me?
451
00:25:53,152 --> 00:25:54,784
Obviously I told you, this is so dumb.
452
00:25:54,824 --> 00:25:58,264
Like, and then it eventually led into one day
453
00:25:58,724 --> 00:26:03,300
me going, like, why?
Why is it so important to you to be right
454
00:26:03,332 --> 00:26:06,116
about this?
And then you explaining that to me and me
455
00:26:06,140 --> 00:26:11,484
going, you know, sometimes you can just make a
mistake and it doesn't mean that there's
456
00:26:11,524 --> 00:26:12,748
anything wrong with you.
457
00:26:12,876 --> 00:26:15,116
We can just own our mistakes and move on with
458
00:26:15,140 --> 00:26:15,724
our day.
459
00:26:15,844 --> 00:26:22,450
Moshe: Right?
And that is a result of trust that you have to
460
00:26:22,482 --> 00:26:23,574
have with the person.
461
00:26:23,874 --> 00:26:26,826
A result of a lifetime, pretty much, of
462
00:26:26,890 --> 00:26:34,242
constantly not remembering things, constantly
being wrong, and constantly being chastised
463
00:26:34,418 --> 00:26:37,378
for not acknowledging things that happen.
464
00:26:37,466 --> 00:26:41,098
Leah: But what you needed was somebody to say,
well, yeah, you're wrong, but it doesn't
465
00:26:41,146 --> 00:26:41,734
matter.
466
00:26:42,234 --> 00:26:42,978
Who cares?
467
00:26:43,026 --> 00:26:45,690
We're still going to get to our appointment on
time, right?
468
00:26:45,762 --> 00:26:48,556
And that's ultimately where we both had to end
up.
469
00:26:48,730 --> 00:26:52,704
Moshe: Right?
So the question then becomes, is it more
470
00:26:52,744 --> 00:26:57,256
important for you to be right about the fact
that I didn't tell you, or is more important
471
00:26:57,360 --> 00:27:02,016
for you to acknowledge that I did tell you,
you didn't remember, and then we go to our
472
00:27:02,040 --> 00:27:02,432
appointment.
473
00:27:02,488 --> 00:27:03,400
Leah: Exactly.
474
00:27:03,592 --> 00:27:08,084
Moshe: Would you be willing to miss this
appointment based solely on the premise that.
475
00:27:08,384 --> 00:27:14,876
Leah: You are right, which I am ashamed to
admit we have done many times because we were
476
00:27:14,900 --> 00:27:17,420
fighting over the issue of, well, why would
you say that to me?
477
00:27:17,452 --> 00:27:18,716
Because I clearly said it.
478
00:27:18,820 --> 00:27:20,904
Well, no, you didn't, because I'm right.
479
00:27:22,364 --> 00:27:24,932
It's communication that legitimately took a
lot.
480
00:27:24,948 --> 00:27:30,064
Moshe: Of work, it's communication, and it
involves a great deal of trust.
481
00:27:30,444 --> 00:27:40,452
And a lot of me, a lot of me going, obviously
she's right, because this is the exact kind of
482
00:27:40,468 --> 00:27:41,704
thing that I would forget.
483
00:27:42,164 --> 00:27:44,784
And because she's right, I must be wrong.
484
00:27:45,124 --> 00:27:48,260
But ultimately that doesn't matter, right?
485
00:27:48,372 --> 00:27:53,252
Leah: And that comes with trust big time,
because that requires for you to trust that
486
00:27:53,268 --> 00:27:57,260
I'm not going to berate you or make fun of you
or say something like, oh, you're such a,
487
00:27:57,292 --> 00:27:58,580
like, absent minded professor.
488
00:27:58,612 --> 00:28:02,884
Of course you forgot again, that rests solely
489
00:28:02,924 --> 00:28:06,580
in your ability to trust that I'll say, you
know, it doesn't matter, let's just get ready
490
00:28:06,612 --> 00:28:07,344
and go.
491
00:28:07,664 --> 00:28:14,232
Moshe: It's a lifetime of constantly being
chastised for not being able to process
492
00:28:14,328 --> 00:28:22,248
information, and it really lends itself to a
much more healthy upbringing that comes from,
493
00:28:22,336 --> 00:28:27,280
if possible, early diagnosis and mechanisms
that you put in place where you teach the
494
00:28:27,312 --> 00:28:31,832
child that they're often wrong and it actually
doesn't matter that much.
495
00:28:31,888 --> 00:28:33,714
Leah: Yep, I think so.
496
00:28:33,904 --> 00:28:41,590
Moshe: And it's actually really important for
them to grow up with a sense of comfort, with
497
00:28:41,622 --> 00:28:48,046
the fact that they do have genuine
disabilities that are okay.
498
00:28:48,110 --> 00:28:53,358
And it means that everyone loves and considers
their feelings and cares about them anyway.
499
00:28:53,406 --> 00:28:55,574
Leah: Right?
Because that's another thing that everybody
500
00:28:55,654 --> 00:29:00,302
that listens to the podcast really should
understand, is that when we got together as a
501
00:29:00,318 --> 00:29:05,306
couple in this current incarnation, you were a
fully grown man on your own who had been on
502
00:29:05,330 --> 00:29:10,474
your own for a very long time, and you had
ways of dealing with things, and you were like
503
00:29:10,514 --> 00:29:17,746
fully formed, kind of, but not because the
full formation was a mask and we had to
504
00:29:17,810 --> 00:29:21,578
literally get through all of those layers of
protection you built around yourself.
505
00:29:21,706 --> 00:29:26,426
Having been a single man, a single father on
your own, having to pay everything, having to
506
00:29:26,450 --> 00:29:31,206
work, having to do all these things while not
being able to process anything in order for us
507
00:29:31,230 --> 00:29:35,394
to get down to you being able to be in a
functional partnership.
508
00:29:35,774 --> 00:29:40,670
But it looked to me and to everyone else
around you that you are just this really
509
00:29:40,742 --> 00:29:41,894
functional man.
510
00:29:42,054 --> 00:29:44,094
So why would we need to work on anything?
511
00:29:44,174 --> 00:29:48,030
Why wouldn't I just take your word for things?
Why wouldn't I just, just.
512
00:29:48,222 --> 00:29:53,514
And a lot of times that unfortunately looks
like abuse and or gaslighting to the partner.
513
00:29:53,894 --> 00:29:54,606
Moshe: Yeah.
514
00:29:54,750 --> 00:29:57,606
Leah: Because times would be where I would
just be like, you know what?
515
00:29:57,630 --> 00:29:58,190
I must be wrong.
516
00:29:58,222 --> 00:30:00,718
It doesn't matter, because again, functional
517
00:30:00,806 --> 00:30:07,830
human male, driver's license, apartment, job,
child that, you know, he raised and didn't
518
00:30:07,862 --> 00:30:09,902
die, like functional male.
519
00:30:10,038 --> 00:30:11,902
So people from the outside and even me would
520
00:30:11,918 --> 00:30:15,462
say, well, why are you fighting about these
basic little things?
521
00:30:15,598 --> 00:30:18,966
Essentially, what I'm trying to tell you is
the moshe that you hear now is not the moshe
522
00:30:18,990 --> 00:30:20,494
of two and three years ago.
523
00:30:20,654 --> 00:30:21,354
No.
524
00:30:21,734 --> 00:30:31,690
Moshe: And it involves a lot of tug of war
because you get into the duality of
525
00:30:31,802 --> 00:30:35,494
correctness versus expediency.
526
00:30:36,274 --> 00:30:38,970
I'm right because you didn't tell me about the
527
00:30:39,002 --> 00:30:39,778
appointment.
528
00:30:39,946 --> 00:30:41,522
You know that I'm wrong.
529
00:30:41,698 --> 00:30:48,170
But is it more important to prove to you that
you're right and I'm wrong than it is to
530
00:30:48,202 --> 00:30:52,362
simply acknowledge that it's possible that you
might be wrong, even though that you know that
531
00:30:52,378 --> 00:30:54,582
you're not?
In order to move past this?
532
00:30:54,718 --> 00:30:59,854
And does it really matter?
Or is it important enough that it needs to be
533
00:30:59,934 --> 00:31:04,646
proven to me that I'm actually mistaken in
order to advance myself?
534
00:31:04,830 --> 00:31:07,054
And meanwhile, the appointment is now.
535
00:31:07,214 --> 00:31:09,886
Leah: Right?
So it was a combination.
536
00:31:10,030 --> 00:31:11,742
And I'll explain it to you.
537
00:31:11,918 --> 00:31:16,662
At first, as a logical human person, I put a
538
00:31:16,678 --> 00:31:19,930
lot of my own feelings aside of feeling like
gaslit.
539
00:31:19,962 --> 00:31:25,154
And I know, like, I know that I was right
there, but it doesn't really matter.
540
00:31:25,274 --> 00:31:30,066
And then I would push them down and push them
down and push them down until they had to be
541
00:31:30,170 --> 00:31:31,050
acknowledged.
542
00:31:31,202 --> 00:31:33,634
Like, hey, moshe, I know that you're this big
543
00:31:33,674 --> 00:31:35,654
man or whatever, but you're wrong.
544
00:31:36,674 --> 00:31:39,946
So that's where you can't really do that.
545
00:31:39,970 --> 00:31:41,842
It's not a good long term solution.
546
00:31:42,018 --> 00:31:45,698
The long term solution for us was that we both
547
00:31:45,746 --> 00:31:47,430
had to come sort of halfway.
548
00:31:47,602 --> 00:31:49,502
You had to say, like, okay, I can be wrong,
549
00:31:49,558 --> 00:31:52,434
and I had to say, okay, you can be wrong and
it doesn't matter.
550
00:31:52,734 --> 00:31:54,854
And that's where we had to land.
551
00:31:55,014 --> 00:31:57,510
But me saying, no, no, you were right, was
552
00:31:57,542 --> 00:32:00,694
just me pushing down my feelings and it wasn't
a good long term solution.
553
00:32:00,854 --> 00:32:04,726
And you thinking that you're wrong all the
time just because you're you also isn't a good
554
00:32:04,750 --> 00:32:05,834
long term solution.
555
00:32:06,454 --> 00:32:11,710
Moshe: And I mean, this is a topic that we'll
definitely discuss in, in a future episode.
556
00:32:11,782 --> 00:32:15,396
And I'm going to bring it up a few times
because it's something that I actually have
557
00:32:15,420 --> 00:32:16,940
very strong feelings about.
558
00:32:17,092 --> 00:32:19,756
And that is the concept of accommodation.
559
00:32:19,940 --> 00:32:24,508
What is too little accommodation, but what is
too much accommodation?
560
00:32:24,676 --> 00:32:31,300
And unfortunately, through my own research and
experience and life living, I've come across a
561
00:32:31,332 --> 00:32:40,644
lot of mixed neurodiversity couples where the
relationship is consistent about what they
562
00:32:40,684 --> 00:32:42,196
consider to be loved.
563
00:32:42,290 --> 00:32:46,088
But the love itself is very much about over
564
00:32:46,136 --> 00:32:49,044
accommodation, acceptance.
565
00:32:49,384 --> 00:32:53,416
And again, long term studies may or may not
566
00:32:53,480 --> 00:32:58,488
prove it, but I believe in the end resentment
just has to eventually exist.
567
00:32:58,576 --> 00:33:03,712
Leah: Yes. Again, this is a thing that may or
may not earn me fans, but my personality is
568
00:33:03,728 --> 00:33:07,492
such that I can only accommodate, like,
pretend stuff for so long.
569
00:33:07,688 --> 00:33:11,260
And that ended up being really good in our
relationship, but also very painful.
570
00:33:11,292 --> 00:33:13,028
There were a lot of big growing pains.
571
00:33:13,076 --> 00:33:14,596
While we had to work through that.
572
00:33:14,740 --> 00:33:22,184
Moshe: For a long time, I. Okay, so a bit of a
sidetracked story.
573
00:33:23,004 --> 00:33:29,284
At another incarnation of my life, I became a
continuing carried, which is known in variety
574
00:33:29,324 --> 00:33:33,656
of circles as PCW, personal care worker, or.
575
00:33:33,700 --> 00:33:35,736
Or home support or.
576
00:33:35,760 --> 00:33:37,032
Anyway, it's called.
577
00:33:37,168 --> 00:33:39,872
Basically, you're the kind of person either
578
00:33:39,928 --> 00:33:45,728
working in an institution or at home, that
helps people who are unable to with
579
00:33:45,776 --> 00:33:50,704
functionality, from personal care to cooking
and cleaning.
580
00:33:50,864 --> 00:34:01,252
And I work almost consistently in the presence
of people with late stage dementia for a
581
00:34:01,268 --> 00:34:02,484
variety of reasons.
582
00:34:02,604 --> 00:34:04,980
Some of it was actually incredibly selfish
583
00:34:05,172 --> 00:34:10,620
because consistently, most people in
institutions requiring care were women.
584
00:34:10,812 --> 00:34:15,260
And at that stage in their life, they don't
really know where they are, let alone was
585
00:34:15,292 --> 00:34:15,996
looking after them.
586
00:34:16,020 --> 00:34:17,892
And that was really the only way that they
587
00:34:17,908 --> 00:34:20,220
could get me enough experience to do my job.
588
00:34:20,372 --> 00:34:23,620
But as a consequence of that, I ended up
589
00:34:23,652 --> 00:34:27,682
dealing with people at various stages of
Alzheimer's and other forms, forms of
590
00:34:27,698 --> 00:34:32,554
dementia, to the point that I legitimately
started believing that I must have dementia
591
00:34:32,594 --> 00:34:36,338
because a lot of my symptoms were very much
the same as theirs.
592
00:34:36,506 --> 00:34:41,010
And there was big plaques on the wall in one
facility that I worked at that said, while
593
00:34:41,042 --> 00:34:48,018
you're on this ward, you live in there, and it
is a way of protecting their ability to
594
00:34:48,066 --> 00:34:52,014
recognize that they are, unfortunately, slowly
losing their mind.
595
00:34:52,354 --> 00:34:57,501
And if someone walks up to you and says,
someone walked up to me once and said, do you
596
00:34:57,517 --> 00:35:03,029
still have the goat that I sold you?
Now, this was in the early two thousands in a.
597
00:35:03,101 --> 00:35:08,661
In a long term care facility, right, with no
goats to be seen anywhere.
598
00:35:08,837 --> 00:35:13,421
And the proper response would have been, in
this instance, to say, you didn't sell me a
599
00:35:13,437 --> 00:35:14,021
goat.
600
00:35:14,157 --> 00:35:16,621
You were a 95 year old woman, right.
601
00:35:16,717 --> 00:35:19,889
And you do not live on a farm.
602
00:35:20,061 --> 00:35:21,994
But the response that we were supposed to give
603
00:35:22,034 --> 00:35:23,666
is, yes, I do have it.
604
00:35:23,730 --> 00:35:24,258
Leah: It's at home.
605
00:35:24,306 --> 00:35:25,174
Moshe: It's at home.
606
00:35:25,514 --> 00:35:26,554
Thank you very much.
607
00:35:26,594 --> 00:35:29,258
And then you move on and continue your rounds.
608
00:35:29,306 --> 00:35:34,690
Leah: And I full on know that about somebody
with dementia, but my husband, who by all
609
00:35:34,722 --> 00:35:39,410
accounts a fully functional human being and
totally capable of not being that way, because
610
00:35:39,522 --> 00:35:42,794
I understand why you thought you were
demented, but you absolutely weren't.
611
00:35:42,874 --> 00:35:43,210
Moshe: No.
612
00:35:43,282 --> 00:35:46,454
Leah: It was just because you have autism and
AdHD.
613
00:35:46,964 --> 00:35:48,340
It's even worse because they're.
614
00:35:48,372 --> 00:35:50,212
They're oppositional to each other.
615
00:35:50,388 --> 00:35:51,868
Autism seeks comfort.
616
00:35:51,916 --> 00:35:53,708
ADHD seeks novelty.
617
00:35:53,876 --> 00:35:56,220
You know, autism doesn't want to be touched so
much.
618
00:35:56,252 --> 00:35:58,828
Adhd touch everything like it's there.
619
00:35:58,996 --> 00:36:01,564
So of course, how is your brain gonna, like,
620
00:36:01,684 --> 00:36:03,908
process things if you are stuck in that?
621
00:36:04,076 --> 00:36:08,196
Moshe: It was very upsetting for me to
believe, for I'll be in a very short period of
622
00:36:08,220 --> 00:36:11,476
time that I was dying of dementia, honey.
623
00:36:11,620 --> 00:36:14,954
Because I was also constantly forgetting
624
00:36:15,084 --> 00:36:16,766
things that I should remember.
625
00:36:16,910 --> 00:36:20,014
People were constantly telling me that I did
626
00:36:20,054 --> 00:36:22,462
things that I don't remember doing or that I
didn't do things.
627
00:36:22,518 --> 00:36:23,838
I swear that I did.
628
00:36:24,006 --> 00:36:26,582
I wasn't able to retain information that
629
00:36:26,598 --> 00:36:31,966
people just told me I would forget people,
places and names constantly.
630
00:36:32,150 --> 00:36:35,646
And I believe that there was something
drastically wrong with me.
631
00:36:35,710 --> 00:36:40,794
Leah: Yes. And people can misdiagnose your
situation as a whole bunch of things.
632
00:36:41,254 --> 00:36:43,550
I've had people tell me that they think you're
schizophrenic.
633
00:36:43,582 --> 00:36:45,534
I've had people tell me that they think you're
bipolar.
634
00:36:45,574 --> 00:36:49,070
I've had people tell me that they think all
kinds of things about you because of that
635
00:36:49,102 --> 00:36:50,554
oppositional behavior.
636
00:36:51,654 --> 00:36:53,990
And the reality is he was diagnosed by an
637
00:36:54,022 --> 00:36:55,022
accredited professional.
638
00:36:55,078 --> 00:36:56,446
He's none of those things.
639
00:36:56,590 --> 00:36:56,870
Moshe: Right.
640
00:36:56,902 --> 00:36:59,046
Leah: But I can see why you would entertain
them.
641
00:36:59,230 --> 00:37:06,006
Moshe: But I was non diagnosed for a long time
and I'd love to get into it in more detail at
642
00:37:06,030 --> 00:37:06,810
some point.
643
00:37:06,982 --> 00:37:13,082
But I was very defiant, as is the tendency of
644
00:37:13,178 --> 00:37:14,034
what we're discussing.
645
00:37:14,074 --> 00:37:17,434
And I would often have meltdowns when I was
646
00:37:17,474 --> 00:37:20,610
not able to process things.
647
00:37:20,802 --> 00:37:22,986
And rather than acknowledging it and
648
00:37:23,050 --> 00:37:28,754
attempting to, you know, work with it, they
tried to end it.
649
00:37:28,874 --> 00:37:34,610
So I was given antidepressants, I was given
sedatives, I was given antipsychotics.
650
00:37:34,682 --> 00:37:41,678
I was given things that essentially made me
placid, suggestible, and easy to deal with.
651
00:37:41,806 --> 00:37:48,046
Because when you're having an overt reaction
to over stimulation, instead of working with
652
00:37:48,070 --> 00:37:53,046
the person, you give them pills that will
essentially turn them into zombies so that
653
00:37:53,070 --> 00:37:54,630
they're easier to work with.
654
00:37:54,822 --> 00:37:55,838
Leah: That's really sad.
655
00:37:55,886 --> 00:37:57,430
And that's actually a whole episode.
656
00:37:57,462 --> 00:37:59,022
I think I'm going to write that down today.
657
00:37:59,118 --> 00:38:02,200
We're going to talk about that, because again,
658
00:38:02,312 --> 00:38:06,064
one of the nicest things that I've ever heard
about you is, what's wrong with him?
659
00:38:06,224 --> 00:38:09,344
There's a whole host of other things there.
660
00:38:09,384 --> 00:38:13,912
Moshe: There's actually, and again, I don't
want to get into the political nature of it,
661
00:38:14,048 --> 00:38:18,528
but there's a particular, we'll call it a
commercial that was put out by a certain
662
00:38:18,576 --> 00:38:26,056
organization that treats autism essentially
like a demon, like a devil, like a disease.
663
00:38:26,240 --> 00:38:30,588
It's a well known advertisement, and I don't
need to mention the organization.
664
00:38:30,716 --> 00:38:31,700
Leah: They speak too much.
665
00:38:31,732 --> 00:38:32,764
We'll put it that way.
666
00:38:32,884 --> 00:38:35,596
They overly speak and they treat, they.
667
00:38:35,620 --> 00:38:40,924
Moshe: Treat autism and other neurodivergency
from the perspective of it being an
668
00:38:40,964 --> 00:38:44,268
inconvenience and a scourge that must be
destroyed.
669
00:38:44,356 --> 00:38:44,972
Leah: Oh, no.
670
00:38:45,068 --> 00:38:51,236
Moshe: And they make no, no qualms about
stating that their goal is to cure autism as
671
00:38:51,260 --> 00:38:51,828
much as possible.
672
00:38:51,876 --> 00:38:56,356
Leah: The only cure for autism is, you know,
not having any more autistics.
673
00:38:56,540 --> 00:38:58,304
It's not a good thought.
674
00:38:58,604 --> 00:39:03,532
Moshe: And I mean, we can discuss the
logistics of whether or not it's reasonable to
675
00:39:03,588 --> 00:39:05,972
have children with a high incidence of having
autism.
676
00:39:06,028 --> 00:39:07,904
But, I mean, that's neither here nor there.
677
00:39:08,844 --> 00:39:11,876
So let's talk more about peaceful resolution.
678
00:39:11,980 --> 00:39:15,620
Leah: Right?
So emotions, how do emotions affect a healthy
679
00:39:15,652 --> 00:39:17,940
disagreement?
So when we're talking about healthy
680
00:39:17,972 --> 00:39:21,736
disagreement, I want to say not one of the
you're wrong, I was wrong, you're right,
681
00:39:21,760 --> 00:39:24,088
you're right, blah, blah, blah, but a healthy
disagreement.
682
00:39:24,136 --> 00:39:29,360
So let's say I think that one, the children
should go to one school and I feel strongly
683
00:39:29,392 --> 00:39:29,720
about that.
684
00:39:29,752 --> 00:39:31,352
And you think one of the children should go to
685
00:39:31,368 --> 00:39:33,416
a different school and you feel strongly about
that.
686
00:39:33,440 --> 00:39:35,424
And we're having a discourse about that.
687
00:39:35,584 --> 00:39:38,872
How would emotional response affect something
688
00:39:38,928 --> 00:39:39,724
like that?
689
00:39:40,104 --> 00:39:46,726
Moshe: So autistic people are by their very
nature in most cases, and if this is not the
690
00:39:46,750 --> 00:39:50,182
case for you, then, you know, it's not the
case and good on you for it.
691
00:39:50,318 --> 00:39:56,750
But it has a lot to do with overstimulation
and oversensitization to various things.
692
00:39:56,902 --> 00:40:02,526
And emotion is a very stimulating experience
when you're happy, when you're sad, when
693
00:40:02,550 --> 00:40:04,614
you're scared, when you're nervous, when
you're upset.
694
00:40:04,774 --> 00:40:11,696
And just like an autistic will experience
sounds and sights and smells and touches and
695
00:40:11,720 --> 00:40:15,256
whatever in a much more exaggerated way a lot
of the time.
696
00:40:15,440 --> 00:40:18,964
Not all the time, because, again, one autistic
is different than another.
697
00:40:19,264 --> 00:40:23,056
Emotions affect them in a lot of ways like
that.
698
00:40:23,200 --> 00:40:29,444
For example, if it's a particular thing that
you feel very strongly about, you will pursue
699
00:40:30,784 --> 00:40:38,958
that subject or that perspective with
consistent emotion and consistent rationality,
700
00:40:39,136 --> 00:40:46,098
whereas an autistic person often experiences
emotions in very exaggerated ways.
701
00:40:46,266 --> 00:40:51,794
Like, I feel very strongly about this
particular school where I want one of the kids
702
00:40:51,834 --> 00:41:01,538
to go, and my response might be to say that
it's, I don't know, I'll try and clean it up a
703
00:41:01,546 --> 00:41:06,966
little bit, but it's absolutely unacceptable
in this circumstance.
704
00:41:07,030 --> 00:41:12,318
And you clearly don't understand and you don't
care about how I feel about this.
705
00:41:12,446 --> 00:41:15,950
And it's very upsetting that you wouldn't even
consider this.
706
00:41:15,982 --> 00:41:18,354
And you know that this is not where I stand.
707
00:41:18,654 --> 00:41:21,366
It's a very disproportionate response,
708
00:41:21,510 --> 00:41:27,014
especially considering that at its very core,
I'm dealing with someone who is my partner,
709
00:41:27,094 --> 00:41:32,470
who I love, who loves me, who is very
reasonable, and who genuinely cared about.
710
00:41:32,502 --> 00:41:33,614
Leah: Me to a point.
711
00:41:33,694 --> 00:41:34,950
I'm not perfect either.
712
00:41:35,062 --> 00:41:40,214
Listen, so when you have an overt response
like that, my response is to feel unheard.
713
00:41:40,334 --> 00:41:40,662
Moshe: Right.
714
00:41:40,718 --> 00:41:45,654
Leah: And when I don't feel heard, I have a
tendency to talk to you louder, which comes
715
00:41:45,694 --> 00:41:47,350
across as yelling.
716
00:41:47,422 --> 00:41:47,878
Moshe: Yes.
717
00:41:47,966 --> 00:41:50,674
Leah: And that is a way to escalate a
situation.
718
00:41:50,974 --> 00:41:51,790
Always.
719
00:41:51,982 --> 00:41:54,966
I've been told by not, not few people that I'm
720
00:41:54,990 --> 00:41:55,966
a little bit too assertive.
721
00:41:55,990 --> 00:41:57,622
The last time was today, actually.
722
00:41:57,758 --> 00:42:02,586
My boss called me and said, maybe you can put
some emojis when you write emails because
723
00:42:02,650 --> 00:42:03,938
you're a little assertive.
724
00:42:04,026 --> 00:42:05,586
Moshe: You can be very direct in what you're
saying.
725
00:42:05,650 --> 00:42:07,874
Leah: Yeah. So I'm not perfect either.
726
00:42:08,034 --> 00:42:10,706
But one of my triggers is to feel unheard.
727
00:42:10,730 --> 00:42:14,546
And when I feel unheard, for whatever reason,
my instinct is to speak louder.
728
00:42:14,690 --> 00:42:15,374
Moshe: Right.
729
00:42:15,674 --> 00:42:19,938
So the consistent conclusion of this, whether
730
00:42:19,986 --> 00:42:24,762
we're talking about us or whether we're
talking about in general, is when you allow
731
00:42:24,818 --> 00:42:30,060
emotions to insert themselves into
discussions, you have to, number one, make
732
00:42:30,092 --> 00:42:32,940
them consistent with the topic that you're
discussing.
733
00:42:33,132 --> 00:42:36,412
And number two, you have to remember who
you're discussing it with.
734
00:42:36,508 --> 00:42:36,764
Leah: Right.
735
00:42:36,804 --> 00:42:37,668
Are you my enemy?
736
00:42:37,716 --> 00:42:38,756
We use that a lot.
737
00:42:38,860 --> 00:42:39,260
Moshe: Yeah.
738
00:42:39,332 --> 00:42:41,300
Leah: Are you my enemy?
I'm not your enemy.
739
00:42:41,412 --> 00:42:44,780
Moshe: And this is something that they
actually talk about a lot in couples therapy,
740
00:42:44,932 --> 00:42:50,668
where you have these constant arguments and
the therapist will say, well, do you feel that
741
00:42:50,716 --> 00:42:53,844
this person is your enemy?
Do you feel that this person is actively
742
00:42:53,884 --> 00:42:57,064
trying to harm you?
Do you feel that this person is regularly
743
00:42:57,104 --> 00:43:01,536
trying to undermine you or do things that will
negatively impact you?
744
00:43:01,640 --> 00:43:08,364
If not, then disproportionate emotional
reaction to a very reasonable discussion.
745
00:43:08,904 --> 00:43:13,240
Looks like you treating them like your
opponent rather than your partner.
746
00:43:13,432 --> 00:43:15,472
You're not trying to pull them into the mud.
747
00:43:15,528 --> 00:43:17,384
You're not trying to shoot them in the face.
748
00:43:17,544 --> 00:43:23,650
You're trying to express what could be a very
valid opinion, but you're doing it in a way
749
00:43:23,842 --> 00:43:27,490
like you're talking to your worst enemy
instead of the person that you love.
750
00:43:27,562 --> 00:43:30,306
Leah: What I find is helpful to me, and this
is very personal.
751
00:43:30,370 --> 00:43:35,026
I apologize if it makes anybody blush?
But when we're in a situation like that.
752
00:43:35,050 --> 00:43:37,362
So now we're discussing escalation and de
escalation.
753
00:43:37,418 --> 00:43:41,738
So the fastest way for us to escalate is for
him to make me feel unheard, and then for me
754
00:43:41,746 --> 00:43:42,498
to start yelling.
755
00:43:42,546 --> 00:43:45,010
It's not really yelling, but it's yelling
756
00:43:45,042 --> 00:43:45,354
enough.
757
00:43:45,434 --> 00:43:46,466
Moshe: It's talking loud.
758
00:43:46,530 --> 00:43:52,758
Leah: Yeah. A de escalation technique that I
use in that scenario is actually, I picture
759
00:43:52,806 --> 00:43:58,150
myself laying in your arms when we're having
pillow talk, going, would I talk to him this
760
00:43:58,182 --> 00:43:58,982
way?
Then?
761
00:43:59,158 --> 00:44:00,714
He's not a different person.
762
00:44:01,534 --> 00:44:03,310
And that helps?
763
00:44:03,502 --> 00:44:10,334
Moshe: Yes. And a lot of the things that work
for me are very similar and really just come
764
00:44:10,374 --> 00:44:19,346
back to a discussion that, you know, we had
where you said, do you honestly feel that I
765
00:44:19,370 --> 00:44:25,050
would do something to hurt you?
And so while something might make me feel,
766
00:44:25,082 --> 00:44:32,690
we'll say, very passionate, ultimately it
comes back to, do I feel that her position is
767
00:44:32,722 --> 00:44:37,338
meant to harm me?
If not, then, and it's always not, by the way,
768
00:44:37,466 --> 00:44:44,086
then is it reasonable for me to get this upset
over something that she's talking about that
769
00:44:44,110 --> 00:44:45,110
she believes?
770
00:44:45,222 --> 00:44:48,342
Leah: I mean, while fully acknowledging that
when you have this much proximity and
771
00:44:48,358 --> 00:44:52,646
closeness to another person, you can
accidentally hurt them, and that should always
772
00:44:52,710 --> 00:44:54,942
be able to be open and be a discussion.
773
00:44:55,118 --> 00:44:55,646
Moshe: Right.
774
00:44:55,750 --> 00:45:00,798
Leah: Your overarching thing should definitely
not be to hurt your partner.
775
00:45:00,966 --> 00:45:04,494
Moshe: No. What is that thing that your
bubbie.
776
00:45:04,534 --> 00:45:08,008
Leah: Told you that my zeta didn't come out of
the box that way?
777
00:45:08,176 --> 00:45:11,584
Moshe: That. But also, you were the master of
your own.
778
00:45:11,664 --> 00:45:13,488
Leah: Oh, he said you're the master of the
words.
779
00:45:13,536 --> 00:45:14,720
Until they're out of your mouth.
780
00:45:14,792 --> 00:45:15,328
Moshe: Exactly.
781
00:45:15,376 --> 00:45:18,920
Leah: She also used to say, your tongue is
going to hang you, but, you know, same
782
00:45:19,032 --> 00:45:19,856
difference.
783
00:45:20,040 --> 00:45:28,120
Moshe: So, essentially, when you have the
ability to process your thoughts and you give
784
00:45:28,152 --> 00:45:33,962
it, like, the extra second or two to ask
yourself, is this really the way that I want
785
00:45:33,978 --> 00:45:39,570
to present this to this person who loves me
and cares about me, then it might be able to
786
00:45:39,642 --> 00:45:41,466
sort of withhold these words.
787
00:45:41,650 --> 00:45:44,642
And this isn't like, an orwellian world where
788
00:45:44,658 --> 00:45:47,374
we're prosecuted for the thoughts that we
have.
789
00:45:48,074 --> 00:45:52,370
So you can think as dark as you want.
790
00:45:52,522 --> 00:45:55,970
I mean, shouldn't, but you can go over all
791
00:45:56,002 --> 00:45:58,790
these negative things in your head as much as
you want.
792
00:45:58,962 --> 00:46:04,558
But when you're ready for them to explode out
of your mouth, maybe take a second to go,
793
00:46:04,726 --> 00:46:05,326
maybe.
794
00:46:05,430 --> 00:46:07,278
Maybe don't say that again.
795
00:46:07,366 --> 00:46:08,078
Leah: A lot of the things.
796
00:46:08,126 --> 00:46:08,630
My baby.
797
00:46:08,662 --> 00:46:10,838
And for those who don't know what a bubby is,
that's my grandmother.
798
00:46:10,886 --> 00:46:15,558
That's my maternal grandmother, who basically
raised me because my mom had to work from a
799
00:46:15,566 --> 00:46:18,534
very young age, would drill things into my
head, and that was one of them.
800
00:46:18,574 --> 00:46:21,622
You are the master of your words until they
come out of your mouth.
801
00:46:21,758 --> 00:46:22,334
It was that.
802
00:46:22,374 --> 00:46:24,254
And hate is a very strong word.
803
00:46:24,294 --> 00:46:25,836
Don't use hate lightly.
804
00:46:25,900 --> 00:46:28,100
There were a lot of things, but it was
805
00:46:28,172 --> 00:46:30,484
basically designed to make me a better person.
806
00:46:30,644 --> 00:46:31,812
Moshe: She's a wonderful woman.
807
00:46:31,868 --> 00:46:32,788
I really loved her.
808
00:46:32,876 --> 00:46:33,516
Leah: Yeah, she was.
809
00:46:33,540 --> 00:46:34,704
She liked you a lot.
810
00:46:36,404 --> 00:46:40,204
So those are some good techniques to sort of
deescalate.
811
00:46:40,324 --> 00:46:46,188
Once you've deescalated to the point where you
can have a logical conversation, being literal
812
00:46:46,276 --> 00:46:51,668
and assertive are usually the ways to go,
especially when you have Amosha and Alayah,
813
00:46:51,796 --> 00:46:56,052
because Moshe and Leah both have certain
characteristics that, again, don't come across
814
00:46:56,148 --> 00:46:57,444
nice to everybody.
815
00:46:57,564 --> 00:46:58,724
We're both very assertive.
816
00:46:58,764 --> 00:47:00,924
We're both very strong personalities.
817
00:47:01,084 --> 00:47:02,596
We're both very intelligent.
818
00:47:02,660 --> 00:47:07,664
We both have very good ideas and very strong
basis for them.
819
00:47:08,644 --> 00:47:09,356
I don't know.
820
00:47:09,420 --> 00:47:12,700
You can continue to read into that as much as
821
00:47:12,732 --> 00:47:13,284
possible.
822
00:47:13,444 --> 00:47:14,020
Moshe: Yes.
823
00:47:14,132 --> 00:47:17,764
Leah: So you need to be literal and assertive
when you're speaking to one of us, because
824
00:47:17,804 --> 00:47:20,040
we're just going to be like, just tell me what
you want.
825
00:47:20,212 --> 00:47:20,928
Moshe: Right.
826
00:47:21,096 --> 00:47:25,016
And unfortunately, we came from a place in the
827
00:47:25,040 --> 00:47:32,800
world where there was definitely an
overemphasis on, you know, tailoring your
828
00:47:32,832 --> 00:47:40,856
words to be less aggressive or the concept of
not saying certain things because you don't
829
00:47:40,880 --> 00:47:45,628
want to hurt their feelings and being
respectful of everyone's feelings, and you
830
00:47:45,636 --> 00:47:47,824
don't want to be upsetting to their feelings.
831
00:47:48,124 --> 00:47:51,028
So you shouldn't say the things that you feel.
832
00:47:51,196 --> 00:47:53,564
You should say the things that are.
833
00:47:53,684 --> 00:47:55,524
Leah: Around what you feel like.
834
00:47:55,564 --> 00:47:59,428
Moshe: You should be more indirect, and
hopefully they'll pick it up, because the
835
00:47:59,476 --> 00:48:07,544
worst thing in the world is if you upset
someone, and the reality of the situation is
836
00:48:07,844 --> 00:48:13,062
if you're going to be indirect with someone,
then you can't expect the result to be what
837
00:48:13,078 --> 00:48:14,830
you're looking for a lot of the time.
838
00:48:14,902 --> 00:48:15,926
Leah: Absolutely.
839
00:48:16,110 --> 00:48:18,314
Moshe: So it's like the.
840
00:48:18,894 --> 00:48:20,274
It's like the joke.
841
00:48:21,574 --> 00:48:23,366
I'm gonna get nerdy for a second.
842
00:48:23,510 --> 00:48:25,798
It's like the joke that.
843
00:48:25,926 --> 00:48:28,874
Okay, let's talk about dungeons and dragons
for a second.
844
00:48:29,574 --> 00:48:30,558
I'm sorry.
845
00:48:30,726 --> 00:48:31,954
I'll be very quick.
846
00:48:32,494 --> 00:48:38,686
It is the won't of when you're playing a game
of dungeons and dragons and you encounter a
847
00:48:38,710 --> 00:48:46,406
jinn or a genie or anything that grants
wishes, the dungeon master will often feel to
848
00:48:46,430 --> 00:48:51,630
adopt the personality of the person to try and
take what the players are asking for and make
849
00:48:51,662 --> 00:48:55,774
it as negative as possible in the verbiage.
850
00:48:55,854 --> 00:48:56,118
Leah: Right.
851
00:48:56,166 --> 00:49:00,366
Moshe: So they always say that you have to be
very careful what you wish for because you're
852
00:49:00,390 --> 00:49:03,034
going to get it exactly the way you ask for
it.
853
00:49:03,494 --> 00:49:08,378
For example, someone would ask for a million
dollars, and they would say, okay.
854
00:49:08,506 --> 00:49:09,714
Leah: I need to get it all in pennies.
855
00:49:09,754 --> 00:49:13,202
Moshe: Or you get it all in pennies, or worse,
I want to be a millionaire.
856
00:49:13,258 --> 00:49:14,162
Fantastic.
857
00:49:14,258 --> 00:49:15,546
You just robbed the bank.
858
00:49:15,690 --> 00:49:16,922
Here's all the money.
859
00:49:17,098 --> 00:49:18,338
The police are on their way.
860
00:49:18,386 --> 00:49:19,410
Good luck with that.
861
00:49:19,562 --> 00:49:21,674
And that is essentially what you're asking
862
00:49:21,714 --> 00:49:22,154
for.
863
00:49:22,274 --> 00:49:25,778
If you are asking for a particular thing, ask
864
00:49:25,826 --> 00:49:31,146
for the thing that you want in exactly the
form that you want to receive it if you want.
865
00:49:31,330 --> 00:49:33,858
And we talked about the different
communication styles.
866
00:49:33,906 --> 00:49:34,234
Passive.
867
00:49:34,274 --> 00:49:34,954
Passive aggressive.
868
00:49:34,994 --> 00:49:36,286
Aggressive and assertive.
869
00:49:36,450 --> 00:49:39,054
If you want attention from your partner and
870
00:49:39,094 --> 00:49:42,454
say, would you be able to sit with me and talk
for a second?
871
00:49:42,574 --> 00:49:43,166
Don't be.
872
00:49:43,230 --> 00:49:43,686
You know what?
873
00:49:43,710 --> 00:49:44,718
I'm so lonely.
874
00:49:44,766 --> 00:49:46,366
I wish someone would just sit with me and
875
00:49:46,390 --> 00:49:47,914
spend some time with me.
876
00:49:48,814 --> 00:49:52,038
Or it would be really nice if we could go to,
877
00:49:52,126 --> 00:49:53,814
like, a nice restaurant tonight.
878
00:49:53,894 --> 00:49:55,710
Leah: No one's kissed me in a while.
879
00:49:55,782 --> 00:49:58,238
I wonder if there's anybody around who could
880
00:49:58,286 --> 00:49:59,558
give me a kiss.
881
00:49:59,726 --> 00:50:02,006
Moshe: It's okay if you don't want to spend
time with me.
882
00:50:02,030 --> 00:50:03,394
I guess I'll be fine.
883
00:50:05,814 --> 00:50:07,846
The stereotype of the jewish mother is like,
884
00:50:07,870 --> 00:50:08,390
that's okay.
885
00:50:08,422 --> 00:50:09,662
I'll sit in the dark now.
886
00:50:09,718 --> 00:50:11,054
Leah: Stay home and sit in the dark.
887
00:50:11,094 --> 00:50:12,638
And you can come get me when you're done.
888
00:50:12,726 --> 00:50:13,354
Moshe: Right.
889
00:50:14,974 --> 00:50:17,390
The joke is, how many jewish mothers does it
890
00:50:17,422 --> 00:50:22,102
take to change a light bulb?
And the answer is, it doesn't really matter.
891
00:50:22,278 --> 00:50:23,102
Leah: I'll just sit in the dark.
892
00:50:23,118 --> 00:50:24,238
Moshe: I'll just sit in the dark.
893
00:50:24,366 --> 00:50:26,074
You don't have to worry about me.
894
00:50:26,414 --> 00:50:27,966
That describes my mother.
895
00:50:28,030 --> 00:50:30,736
It's not meant to be offensive, but that's
896
00:50:30,800 --> 00:50:33,536
essentially where the concept comes from.
897
00:50:33,560 --> 00:50:35,240
And if you've met my mother, that's exactly
898
00:50:35,272 --> 00:50:35,992
where she'd be.
899
00:50:36,088 --> 00:50:37,616
It's like, don't worry, I'll just sit in the
900
00:50:37,640 --> 00:50:38,112
dark.
901
00:50:38,248 --> 00:50:39,404
It doesn't matter.
902
00:50:39,904 --> 00:50:43,584
Clearly, you don't care about me sitting in
the light, so I'll just sit in the dark.
903
00:50:43,664 --> 00:50:44,592
It's fine.
904
00:50:44,768 --> 00:50:47,688
Leah: Passive aggressive to the so, yeah,
that's.
905
00:50:47,776 --> 00:50:51,328
Moshe: So when you want something, when I want
something from Leah, I'll ask for it.
906
00:50:51,456 --> 00:50:54,804
Would you be able to hug me?
Could we have a conversation?
907
00:50:55,764 --> 00:50:57,104
And you'll do the same.
908
00:50:57,404 --> 00:51:00,340
You'll tell me what you want, and we're
909
00:51:00,372 --> 00:51:02,588
discussing what we're discussing.
910
00:51:02,636 --> 00:51:03,468
Leah: We'll discussing it.
911
00:51:03,516 --> 00:51:04,876
Moshe: We'll discussing it.
912
00:51:05,060 --> 00:51:06,664
That's one for the blueprint.
913
00:51:07,004 --> 00:51:11,024
We'll discuss it in a future episode.
914
00:51:11,444 --> 00:51:14,740
The whole concept of you should have known or
915
00:51:14,772 --> 00:51:15,420
you shouldn't know.
916
00:51:15,452 --> 00:51:16,996
This, that's the worst.
917
00:51:17,180 --> 00:51:18,504
You should know.
918
00:51:19,124 --> 00:51:23,448
Sometimes makes sense, sometimes not so much.
919
00:51:23,536 --> 00:51:24,888
Leah: You should know I love you.
920
00:51:24,936 --> 00:51:26,936
And my response is, I do know you love me.
921
00:51:26,960 --> 00:51:28,056
Now I want you to show me.
922
00:51:28,080 --> 00:51:29,952
I want hugs and kisses and romance.
923
00:51:30,088 --> 00:51:33,044
Moshe: Right?
Any final thoughts?
924
00:51:33,744 --> 00:51:36,888
Leah: No, I think I would like to leave it
with being literal and assertive because
925
00:51:36,936 --> 00:51:39,848
that's, you know, that's my strong suit, I
gotta say.
926
00:51:40,016 --> 00:51:41,160
Moshe: Take it away, leah.
927
00:51:41,272 --> 00:51:41,712
Leah: All right.
928
00:51:41,768 --> 00:51:43,376
Thank you very much for listening.
929
00:51:43,440 --> 00:51:48,152
Please listen, download, share, send us your
feedback, positive or negative, as long as it
930
00:51:48,168 --> 00:51:49,688
comes from a constructive place.
931
00:51:49,816 --> 00:51:54,544
Moshe: Yes, our email is
contactowyouknowoneautistic.com.
932
00:51:54,624 --> 00:51:56,872
i believe you can like and comment.
933
00:51:56,968 --> 00:51:57,712
Leah: We're on TikTok.
934
00:51:57,768 --> 00:51:58,728
We're active on TikTok.
935
00:51:58,776 --> 00:51:59,792
Moshe: We're active on TikTok.
936
00:51:59,848 --> 00:52:01,176
Mostly just fun stuff.
937
00:52:01,240 --> 00:52:02,144
We have YouTube.
938
00:52:02,184 --> 00:52:02,824
It's all audio.
939
00:52:02,864 --> 00:52:04,208
No video for now.
940
00:52:04,376 --> 00:52:08,040
And you can go to our podbeam website and look
941
00:52:08,152 --> 00:52:11,320
there and we'll talk to you next time.
942
00:52:11,352 --> 00:52:12,484
Leah: We'll see you next time.
943
00:52:12,864 --> 00:52:14,680
Moshe: Well, that's our show for today.
944
00:52:14,832 --> 00:52:17,144
Now, you know when autistic just a little bit
945
00:52:17,184 --> 00:52:17,764
better.
946
00:52:18,214 --> 00:52:21,614
So something you may not know about some
947
00:52:21,654 --> 00:52:26,114
autistics is that we often struggle with
ending social interactions.
948
00:52:26,534 --> 00:52:28,154
So leah.
949
00:52:28,934 --> 00:52:29,998
Leah: All right, Moshe.
950
00:52:30,046 --> 00:52:31,358
I'll take care of it.
951
00:52:31,526 --> 00:52:34,422
Thank you for listening to now you know, one
autistic.
952
00:52:34,478 --> 00:52:35,254
See you next week.